


Wake up in the land of Nod

by Mudakun



Series: Fun with the Hato-verse [1]
Category: Genshiken, Genshiken Nidaime, げんしけん, げんしけん二代目
Genre: AU, Multi, Multiverse, Too much expository dialogue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2018-04-23 00:24:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 42,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4856195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mudakun/pseuds/Mudakun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Genshiken club room is overrun by a multiverse full of Hatos. D'Awwwwww tries to ensue. </p><p>Multiplying entities without necessity is an act of love. (tm)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When in Rome do as the tigers do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hatozine](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Hatozine).



“ _...Or rather he exists, but as a symptom of the fujoshi, created to ensure her ontological consistency._ ”

**[White Day's Eve, 2006, Tuesday, 4:08pm JST]**

 

"The first 'Let's all get to meet the Kenjiro Hato-verse' meeting is now in session"

Sue was staring at Hato speaking. Her brows were scrunched and her jaw was set in a feral clench, lips slightly parted. She looked like she was going to jump the table at Hato, but then she would glance downward at the very authentic looking magical girl wand on the table in front of Hato, (almost a small staff, complete with a dark red jewel heart and solid-looking silver wings) or at Ogiue on one side of Hato, or at the other Hato, in guy mode looking pale and shocked to the left, or occasionally at Yajima (frowning) and Yoshitake (smiling, munching on a small sandwich with half a glass of beer in front of her), or at the considerably enlarged clubroom, with Ohno-sempai over at the food table. But her eyes always went back to Hato-chan. Maou Hato-chan. Straight hair cut above the shoulder, a demure outfit, except for a seal-of-solomon patterned scarf (loose around the neck, her adam's apple discretely visible) a hint of cleavage from the top of an uncharacteristic not-up-to-the-throat blouse and a dark brown short-sleeved cape jacket, open to the front, hood hanging loose at the back. The skirt might have been longer than usual as well, it was hard to remember all the details. This Hato, who she had found sitting alone in the clubroom 20 minutes ago was a lot more confident, more forward and more "in charge" than "her" Hato. When she spoke, in Hato's female voice, there were undertones of command.

Sue did not like that.

"Our sincerest thanks once again to Ogiue-sensei for letting us host this meeting in the Genshiken. We are gathered her today in this venerable club room..."

Hato the magical witchy girl was fumbling with papers in front of her,

"Oh No! This speech is awful, Did I really write this?"  
She scrunched up the papers in front of her and threw them over her shoulder.

"Sorry, none of us here are really Hato, except Hato, next to me. We are all shape-shifting aliens from beyond the colors of space. My name is Nyaarlathotep and other Hatos are all my minions. Don't be alarmed. We mean you no harm. We have rules that ensure that we will take good care of you. In fact I have the rule book here."

She pulled out a ridiculously oversized book from under her cape and showed it to all at the table. It looked like it was made of cheap formed plastic and had Disney cartoon-ish edges. The embossed English title read TO SERVE GENSHIKEN. Smaller furigana glowed red above the lettering.

Ohno let out a squeal of delight.

Ogiue grabbed Sue's arm just in time to stop her. Then Magic Girl Hato let out a yelp as Ogiue kicked her in the leg.

"Owww! Please Ogiue-sensei, I thought I'd try to lighten things up a bit, See; blank pages, bad joke. How about this: have you heard the story about the man who did not like manju.. OUCH!

"I could let go of Sue" said Ogiue.

"Ah, no need, Sorry Ogiue-sensei, sorry Sue-san, everybody. As you have noticed there are a lot of Hato-looking people, including myself here today. If this causes distress, please just think of us all as Hato-san's relatives, cousins from out of town.

The male Hato, the "real one" next to her said nothing. She continued:

"We have invaded your reality, and your clubroom to welcome Kenjiro Hato of this reality, into a very exclusive club. We also want to share a little of what's happened to your Hato-san and what it might mean for him and her, and you, if you chose to get involved. Whatever you decide, we hope you will consider us all as friends. We brought plenty of food and drinks with us. Conveniently available on the self-re-stocking side table, so please don't hold back, there's lots more where that came from."

While Maou Hato had started speaking, the door had opened and four more Hatos, two chans and one kun had slipped in, followed by yet another Maou Hato. The Maou Hatos were clearly the organisers, but there were plenty of Hato-chans, both the original Kaminaga-ish ones and shorter haired versions. There were also a few frumpy Takeya Mikakos and a smattering of Hato-kuns. As well, there were some androgynous, gel-haired Hatos in dark dress pants, dress shoes, vests and dress shirts who looked a bit, well "butch". They looked like boy band members or girls in host-club drag trying to look shady. They were too short to pull it off well, but the effect was still compelling. They all seemed to steal glances at the Maou Hatos, as if they were waiting for a cue. One of them had sat down next to Ohno and was exchanging whispered asides. Most everyone else had stopped talking and were paying attention to Chair-Maou Hato, who continued:

"As a courtesy to our new member and to keep us all from suffering through three day migraines, a suppression field is in force. Of course it is not needed for the non-Hato, but it would be boring for the rest of you if we all just stood around going 'Uh Huh' and 'My head hurts'. I could have done this all by myself with our new member but these get-togethers are much more fun!

Our guest of honor has today once again saved a very important person from a mishap, and though he suffered a serious injury doing so, he was, as usual, very selfless and brave..." (the assembled Hatos all politely applauded)

Chika Ogiue watched as Maou Hato spoke. Having her clubroom hijacked by this person who looked like girl-Hato, having it fill up with "visiting members", who all looked like versions of Hato, watching the walls stretch back ("You should all close your eyes, this trick can make you dizzy") and a food table appear along the side of the room... ("Can we break the booze ban today? We'll provide security and everybody will feel better with a drink or two and some food in them.") No scratch that – this one was a Hato of sorts, but not their Hato. Their Hato looked like he was getting his pulse back, so that was at least something.

"...and so our patron returned the favour, and as usual overdid the patch job. She always does that. I don't question her or her friend. We exist because of her. Kami-sama has her own reasons and we try to keep her happy and stay out of her way. So far we have not screwed up. I must say though, that for a demiurge, she is the most clumsy and accident prone godling I have ever heard of. Perhaps we are her way of taking a more active role in taking care of herself. Gods do not help fools, they simply get more fools to help out."

Hato-kun was looking at the rest of the club-room crowd, which for the most part looked a lot like him or her. More like a lot of him and her. He had a throbbing ache behind his eyes and he was slowly rubbing his left hand as he scanned the room. He still felt trapped, but he was feeling a little more human now.

"Our guest of honor is still a little shook up", continued Maou Hato. She turned toward Hato-kun and asked directly. "Would you care for another zap? Totally non-addictive and a great pick-me-up!"

"Another beer, I think... I'll be fine." A girl Hato at food table poured a glass of beer and others passed it on to him, snagging his empty. He took a sip, swallowed slowly and added:

"I got a bit of it when I came in the room, right after..." He trailed off.

"Well that's understandable. You are doing great! Big shock! You fainted. Two strange girls pick you up and dust you off. Something about your hand and it hurts. And when you make it to the clubroom and I'm here. Then the entanglement kicks in. You would have been in your rights to loose your lunch. Do you feel OK in boy mode here? We can get you some clothes and the usual stuff if you need to change?"

"Uh, fine now, maybe later.." Hato glanced down at his lap.

Sue couldn't control herself any longer and her hand shot up. Maou Hato looked right at her and in perfect English said "Yes, pumpkin, it's much bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. A wizard did it!" Sue looked shocked and mumbled a reply, also in English:

"It's fucking magical or something, right?" Then she dropped back into her seat.

Kanako Ohno looked right at Sue and then at chair-Hato and grinned stupidly. Sue's face had turned red.

"Jeebus, and Buddha, I love you girl! (In English then back to Japanese) Susanna Hopkins-san has just asked about the room and refreshments and the magic. I have been doing magic since I was recruited on my fifth birthday. You might have noticed that it has changed me. Ask my other me's or ask me later for details, we are all horrible gossips."

Rika's hand shot up and she blurted out: "Nice tits Hato-chan! Are you a girl?"

Thank you Yoshitake-san! They are real and I like them very much. I am always a girl when I am a girl, especially here - except when I don't want to be a girl but most of the time we have the original equipment downstairs. Breasts take only a few hours and don't hurt much. We mostly avoid messing around more than that, except for our hair. More takes months and it's hard to keep the pain control and the changes going at the same time, We need a few of ourselves to help out and outside help. We save it for special circumstances. Some of us have gone for the complete package because we felt we needed to. Some of us were born biologically female, but that really gets complicated.

"So this is all about magic?" Merei Yajima's hand had shot up; she had her trademark sceptical look on her face.

"Thank you Yajima-san" Maou Hato smiled just the tiniest hint of an understanding smile and locked eye contact. "The magic is a side-effect and a way of managing our condition. We are of course a sci-fi cliche; multiple probabilities, everything splits off into everything else, making more realities and more of us every time we sneeze or draw a doujin, or not, or go to lunch.

Alternate realities do not intersect. Most of us never interact. The ones that do. because we were recruited or whatever... when we talk or meet without precautions, there's a telepathic update effect. It is overwhelming — we learn to control it, somewhat. It has very odd side effects if a lot of us are linked. Magic can limit it otherwise we'd all be magic girls and boys and all hells would break open.

Hato, how do I do magic?"

Hato-kun looked at his Maou doppelganger, then at the table surface in front of him. "You think a spell you had ready. You have a whole lot of them ready to go, all the time."

"And how do I make those spells?"

"Uh, that's... I know I know, but I don't know; it's confusing..."

"Good answer! You get to decide later if you want to know, and as you are probably aware, that choice comes with a price. Meanwhile relax and please have another sandwich, they are very good and you need the protein." Chair-Maou Hato turned back to addressing the room, making brief eye contact with Ogiue, Ohno, Yajima and Yoshitake.

"So we are here today, not just to party and catch up on gossip, and meet up with some of our dearest friends, but to give the guest of honor some options so that he and she can decide on how to handle our new-found popularity. You might not ever get to see us again, or under rare circumstances, you may be invited to attend one of these little meetings a few realities sideways from yours. We will always get you home before midnight and nobody is going to turn into any kind of... (quick glance at Sue) vegetable."

Ohno had slid up behind to Sue and had just whispered something in her ear; her blush was almost gone. It came back. Sue slipped out of her seat and set off for the food counter, which was now some three meters away and surrounded by various versions and types of Hatos. All looked like they wanted to talk to her but moved out of her way.

"Or... Our guest of honor may decide after tonight that he and she wants very little to do with any of us and we'll try never to bother you all, ever again. If that happens, the memories of this evening won't evaporate, but will slowly blend into background noise. A few years from now it will have been a big drunken party with Hato's friends and cousins from out of town and the weird joke they pulled to start it off.

Ohno's hand had shot up; she still had a big goofy smile on her face.

"Never mind that. Tell us who you all like!  
...Also; aren't we missing someone?"

"Second question first! "I" have left to get Madarame-san, and "I" have also left to find Kuchiki-san. Both of us who went are magic users, so they'll be back soon. Do you want to text Tanaka-san? He's on the guest list, but he'll have to leave his camera at home." She looked at Ogiue and continued:

"I think Sasahara-sempai will be stuck at work all night tonight. Getting Saki-sempai and Kou-sempai a bit later might be possible, we're on it; otherwise I hope a rain-check for dinner with the others is OK?"

She turned to Hato.

"They are in good hands; past experience says that they'll both like it a lot."

Ohno still had her hand up. She was waving it. Chair-Maou Hato added:

"Later we can break out the cosplay gear, if Ohno-sempai will care to supervise. And with Ogiue-sensei's blessings of course."

She continued:

"...And to answer the big question... Yes!  
That's the other reason for the suppression field, otherwise... it gets embarrassing. There are of course plenty of small variations between realities, and so... " Chair Maou Hato glanced down and caught herself twirling the index fingers of both hands around each other, stopped and leaned a bit forward. "Ahhh -ahem- Uh, I wish Angela-san was here, she is better at explaining this stuff naturally and well...  
...The possibilities are all... very possible!"

"But none of that applies to you dear friends, here and now! Think of it like some of us are boyfriends and girlfriends and exes of some of your relatives, cousins, brothers and sisters, and..."

"Sometimes that too", added one of the boi-Hatos (female voice, pitched lower than usual), who made a silly grin, downed the last of a can of chuhai, waved and slipped out the door.

"... and that we've all heard good things about you. You are family to all of us."

The door opened again and Harunobu Madarame stood looking in. Behind him, Kuchiki peered over his shoulder and let out a loud "HATO-CHINNNNN!!!" One of the Hatos near the door set off a confetti popper above their heads and then four Hato-chans in various outfits pulled them forward into the room as a gentle, welcoming pandemonium broke out.

"Room got big!" said Mada.

"Lots of Hatos! Big room" added Kuchiki.

Then they were mobbed by Hatos. One of the vest-wearing Hatos grabbed Kuchiki's arm, pulled him aside and handed him a glass of beer. Then cute Hato-chans were all around him, asking him questions and pouring each other drinks. Madarame just stood there grinning. A Hato-chan handed him a full glass.

"I think it's time to mingle. Break time! Cakeee is served! Who wants cakeee?" announced Chair-Maou Hato. She stood and moved towards the food table and started talking with two of the 'kuns. Plates of cake were being passed around. Ogiue meanwhile slid over and leaned toward her Hato.

   
   
"You sure these are all really you? They really could be obnoxious aliens or something weird, or weirder, or... Whatever!"

"They are me all right, I know SHE is. I just know it. Or she is using magic and all of them are... I give up!. By the time you showed up she had used her telepathic thing on me and I just knew. She is me, but different. For one thing, she doesn't take any shit and she's pushy, even ruthless when she needs to get her way. She's way more female than me; she always knew that she was a girl, and really that's not how I do it - her sense of HER self is incredibly hard for me to process, but anyway, I hope you get a bit of what I'm saying...

...We are all pretty much into BL and otaku stuff, her high school time was a lot better than mine. Her Kaminaga is scared shitless of her and she kept her-you from embarrassing incidents involving boys, roof-tops and windows. Yup, at your high school and all across Japan...

...Distance doesn't mean much to her; she has meddled with all of her 'us-es'. She likes to meddle. I think she gets grumpy if she doesn't meddle. What else? They aren't clones, none of them, us are, except in a biological sense, or more like twins but the Maou ones and the vest ones keep in very tight... uh they sync up like parts of some computer program."

"I might have been too quick to let her barge in and run this party here, but so far... Hey, they draw BL right?"

"Most of them do; some of them like programming games and VNs and there are a few who are trying to become light novel writers. They are just like me, but not completely. Judo, akido, some kendo, very few didn't do any dojo time. But, yes all of us really love BL!"

Rika and Mirei had been listening in. Rika whispered "Are you OK? What happened to your hand?"

"Uh, I think it got run over by a truck when I fell... Then I fainted from the pain. There were two high-school girls, when I came to, it was ok, but... I don't think I am supposed to talk about it. How is the cake?"

"Good cake!" said Mirei, "Very good. Very high-class chocolate cake. We are being bribed. Is Sue OK?"

"Sue was here when I made it to the clubroom. It was all I could do just getting here and when she saw me she just turned at magic girl and was about to attack her when magic girl did something with her hands and Sue just slumped back into her chair. Like Sue had the air knocked out of her. Then I'm feeling like I am her and she is me and the room is spinning and I know all this stuff about her and the other me's. Wham! Right into my head all at once! When it stops and she is telling me that I should take it easy and asking about my hand. My head hurt. My hand hurt. Sue just sat there the whole time zoned out. I think I know what I, she did to Sue. It didn't hurt her, she's better now, but she's angry."

"Then Ogiue showed up and we showed up and your double did her little prayer thing and then they all start showing up." added Yoshitake. "Payback for every Lame Multiverse Crapfic (tm) I ever wrote! At least this one comes with free beer and food..."

A guy Hato was leading Madarame towards them. The male Hato, who looked exactly like their Hato, had a vinyl folder with him and was pointing at Hato. Madarame walked over and asked:

"How's your hand? How are you feeling? You're ours, right?"

"Hi sempai, thanks for coming, sorry to involve you. How much did she tell you?"

"No sorry, please... Lots of things; your accident, magic, like Steins Gate, some god-girl. Uh do you know that there is a whole set of me and everyone else for each you, in their worlds? Other me's! Other Ogiue-sans, Other Tanaka-sans, Ohno-sans and... other every-ones. They didn't bring any of them, did they?"

"I don't think they are going to. I think I can make them all go away if I tell them to get lost and don't come back - at least if I do it soon." replied Hato.

“Hold on Hato-san, Kenjiro-san, my friend. Don't do anything hasty for anyone, for me or for anyone but yourself. I'm fine. Are you fine with this?” Madarame looked over at Yajima and Yoshitake.

"Good enough for now", replied Yajima

"Don't use us as an excuse to shut down the party." added Yoshitake lifting her glass. "Back in a minute, more beer?" said added and was off, not waiting for an answer.

   
   
One of the other Hato-kuns (the one with the binder), moved off from talking with a girl Hato and half-knelt down on the other side of Yajima.

"Merei Yajima-san, please do me the honor of looking over the revision of my story. I took all of my-your's concerns seriously and re-drew it."

"And so you carry it around with you everywhere?" asked Yajima.

"I grabbed it when I got the invite, Ok I'm cheating, I want your help to point out what's still clumsy, so I can try to fix it again. That way you - my you, wont know. Neh? You got me."

"You want to use me to outdo her in story telling as well as drawing? Hold it right there! I am not buying any more of this. Nooooooooooo! Not buying it, not even with cake. Get lost. I don't know who or what you people are, but count me out of whatever weirdness you are all up to. I'm out of here!" Annoyance had given way to an edge of panic in Yajima's voice. She pushed her chair back and looked around the floor for her bag.

"Please, Yajima-san. At least take a quick look at my story. It's more polished than a 'na-me'; I held off cleaning it up until I could get your opinion."

"You know what? I'm sitting here in a room that has suddenly doubled or tripled in size, eating expensive food, watching my friends drink free beer and thirty or forty or fifty near identical versions of the same cross-dressing guy from our club are wandering around like it is completely normal and you want me to sit here and look at a doujin you have drawn. And I'm supposed to go 'Hello Hato, rare that I see you dressed as a guy! Why of course I will look at your doujin! Lets move over and let the other Hatos talk to 'Rame sempai, I bet they have a lot to talk about'...

...What planet did you idiots escape from?"

"Planet rural Japan. Horrible place. Full of mean-spirited small-town fujoshi, jocks and farmers. Had to leave or I would have ended up as the town drag queen."

"Ok, Fine! So you are another version of our Hato. Doesn't this freak you out? This is not right! You may be happy with it because you can merge with all your fellow you's and do weird things, but why drag us into it?"

"We just talk on the phone."

"What?"

"Really, most all of it is just two of us talking on the phone. That's all."

"What about that secret telepathic thing"

"No big deal. Most of the time you don't notice it, it's just like you talking to Yoshitake-san about what happened in the clubroom yesterday and you can follow the conversation, but you weren't there that day. Or that Sue-chan did a funny anime quote in one me's clubroom that day but not in another me's clubroom.

"And all this magic stuff?"

"A bunch of me's just looked until we found a me that could do it. Like asking for help on an internet board. It sounds stupid, but it works, more or less."

"Well that means there is a you out there who drew his story and his club liked it because it was so perfect, so go find and bug him!"

"Even if I can find him, only you could draw that very funny 4-koma that made everyone in the clubroom laugh, including me, even though my nose was too bent out of shape that day to laugh out loud. So I want to get this right so I can impress you, I mean her, my Merei Yajima-san, because it is important that I do so."

"You want to impress her?"

"I want to do... a collab with her."

"Too creepy! You want me to help you impress me, another me. We're still rivals. Ask 'Rame sempai. Aren't you supposed to be, uh, interested in him?

"Some of us are more and some of us are less in the 'Rame-sempai department. I still use a version of him in some of my drawings, but its not like that; we play cards together! I'm probably not as good as your Hato at being rotten. But I still like BL and I still want to make a good story."

"Ask someone else!". Yajima was being unexpectedly severe but her panic was receding.

"They don't count. I really want you... your opinion" Then he added, holding out the binder.  
"Please?"

   
   
One of the Host-kei Hatos had steered Ohno towards the door, to greet her boyfriend. A Maou Hato slipped into the clubroom with Tanaka and then left the couple to catch up.

“They're not going to let me take any pictures, even of the cosplay. This will be heartbreaking.” Tanaka sounded glum.

Ohno whispered to him: “But wait until you see the costumes. I think that they are all based on your designs, or from other versions of you. There are some I have never seen before.”

“I hope that those versions of me got their versions of you's advance permissions to make them, in their worlds; or those me's are going to have very angry girlfriends. This multiple worlds thing is, is… Thank you for getting me an invite: how's Hato and the gang doing?”

“Hato-san is overwhelmed but coping. Everyone else is trying to wrap their heads around it. That includes me but so far it IS a fun party. Susie was ready to pop the organizer one, but now she's enjoying the show. I should support Hato, I helped get him into the Genshiken. I never knew I'd be supporting this many of him - and her though. Time to see whats next for the guest of honor. C'mon!”

Ohno and Tanaka picked up some refreshments and made it over to the head of the main table. Glasses, plates of sandwiches, deserts and assorted reading materials were taking over the surface.

Ohno went into in full fairy godmother mode:

"So Hato, isn't this exciting? Are you going to learn magic?"

"She said she would explain to everyone, that means you guys of course – the rest of us already know, I'm pretty sure I get the big picture. The magic versions and to a lesser extent, the Host Club are like an executive. They handle the grunt work, sometimes they even run errands for god-girl or her friend. Don't ask. Most of what they do is watch out for us going crazy. And if one of us goes crazy with magic or the probability stuff – which can be worse than magic and we all have that, well…”  
Hato lowered his voice:  
“I think she has even killed us, uh herself a few times."

"We rarely do that." said a girl-Hato's voice "More often we have to stop each other from more conventional forms of self-harm."

A Host Club Hato had slid up behind them. Pulling a chair behind her she continued.

"Of course, trying to mooch stock tips and lottery numbers is a no-no, but we can do much much worse. And the more you can do, the more you try to do and fail at. That gets to be heartbreaking..." 

Host Club Hato was clearly female, though very tomboyish. She stayed silent for a few more heartbeats, then continued:

"Or you go full-blown magical psycho. Then _a certain person_  will talk with you while we watch and you just evaporate like mist. Then we cry, all of us. Sometimes there's nothing we can do... 

...Sorry, that sounded bad. We work extra hard to keep that from happening. When we seek out new powers, always for the best and most selfless of reasons, we impose a price on them. The executive committee makes those powers freely available, at the cost of every last shred of our privacy.  
We are obsessive about watching us, the watchers."

Hato looked embarrassed and said nothing.

"About privacy; I need to apologise to Hato-san here and everyone here for out over-familiarity. The trouble is that we are over-familiar with us and through all us, lots of versions of you. _We probably know where you stash your porn..._

...That said, the overwhelming majority of us go about our normal lives, normally. One Hato per existence. You can decide to put out the 'do not disturb sign', or you can keep in touch and ask now and then for dating tips and creative work advice – the first can be funny and useless, the second is sometimes helpful. Hato can always call for help if you get in a jam. For you my dear friends, we always try to help if you get in real trouble, unless you tell us to mind our own business and fuck off. Even if your Hato and some of you have a falling out, the entirety of us will always be on your side, though what we can do is probably very little. If you get a text from your Hato, twenty years from now, asking to meet up for coffee even if you haven't spoken in ages, please show up. Our treat! 

Madarame had been paying more and more attention as the Host-club Hato had been speaking.

"This is like being dropped into a magical sci-fi anime. Do you do magic?" 

"Only Maous make magic; they give us (she tugged her vest) a few preloaded spells in case we land in shit. You can take your time deciding, but once you get the magic, you can't back out."

"Why don't you just keep it all secret?" asked Tanaka-san. 

"That seldom works, and it gets lonely. We let our friends, you guys in on it because we are shifting a bit of the burden on you. Sorry. A lot of you decide not to get involved with any of it. Hato will make up his own mind about how deep into crazy-land he wants to venture, but I can tell you: everyone needs friends. That is worth far more than you might think."

She paused, then continued:

"Otherwise we get very isolated. Talking to ourselves is our number one occupational hazard. Sorry, I'm laying it on thick because someone decided to take a break and stuff her magic face with cakeee, rather than doing a proper introduction."

Ogiue, who had been watching and listening now spoke.

"So there's a me in your world too? What does she think of all this? Aren't you just putting a whole lot of extra responsibility and work on our Hato, just because he helped someone? How will he find time to do his classes and graduating paper, let alone keep drawing? And what about his private life and his cross-dressing. This is all very exciting, but you have turned our club room into a high-school reunion drinking party and I think you have done it to con him into running away and joining your circus."

Hato looked at Host-Hato. "No lotteries, not even a trust fund? You guys cheated me!"

Host Hato continued:

"My Ogiue-sensei grumbles about this (she tugged at the vest). She thinks Taka maniacs should all be middle aged housewives, not once-boys, who are officially taking hormones to transition and who are becoming-fujoshis who want to be BL mangakas, but better not screw up their studies...

...You asked. Care to hear more?: Ogiue nodded her agreement.

"Like you, she takes her president duties very seriously. She also thinks that getting my Ohno-sempai interested in the theater has only increased the over-emphasis on cosplay in the Genshiken and she gets embarrassed when Ohno and me fan out on yuri. I make it a point to work extra hard when I serve as her assistant, Sue-san and I get along fine. My you is a really stern teacher when she is helping me with my drawing and storyboard skills, which are still kind of crappy and that used to get me down. I am honored that the Genshiken, especially the women of the Genshiken feel comfortable around queer butch trans-girl Hato who has a few even odder secrets that we have all agreed not to talk much about.

Whew! The data-dump is a lot harder to do by voice than by update."

She looked over at Madarame and continued:

"My' Mada was never asked to let me use his apartment to change, but he was still clumsy talking to girls. He found me easy to talk to and he's much more comfortable with girls now; he doesn't do the preemptive creep-out thing so much any more."

Madarame winced.

"We make time to hang out. He's read some of my stories and seen my doujins. I blur the edges when I ship him, but he doesn't get too pissed off at the charas that I draw that look like him. I am sure that he prefers to see his characters as the forceful ones. Men! In 3D land, nothing is happening that way- you must have guessed that sometimes things do happen, but not with me, not right now, with anyone...

...What else can I tell you? I got drafted in my first year of junior high school, when I started to dress more genderbendery, or to my classmates, more 'fag'. I never had this kind of welcome party and quitting the judo team and wearing more flashy clothing, plus the art club mess got me in the usual crappy situation at school. Family was probably worse than usual. I used to fantasize about a girl-me who would reassure me that I was really a woman. Then one day I got a weird phone call...

It saved my life."

Hato-kun was listening intently and despite the dire story from his counterpart, was feeling a little more relaxed. The others were paying close attention, so he asked the next question. 

"So it sounds like the more... gender... issues... uh... we have, the more we go for the magic route. Why didn't you become a Maou?"

"It looks like that at first, doesn't it. More like 'ally of justice' issues. And then there are the 'chip on the shoulder' issues, which usually work themselves out like mine did. I was told when I was recruited that Maou stuff would be off limits for my first year, as I was in a lousy state of mind.

I could join the Host Club. I talked a lot with the other Hosts and with the Maou. They warned me that being an angry kid with a grudge and a whole lot of new magical powers was a sure route to hell- with them chasing me all the way to its gates. I really worked hard at not listening to them, which is something when you telepathically link up. I saw a few of me who were more stubborn and hurt than I was and even better at not listening...

 _...I had to help hunt one of them down._ That sucked. That really sucked. No magic for me, thank you very much."

The group looked concerned, Hato continued:

"Sorry I went there! Anyways, she's much better now. Nowadays if I have any frustration to work off, I do my Kendo. You should try it, (nodding at Hato) many of us have the knack for it. The outfits are very sharp! My (version of this)  _uni_ has a mixed club, which is rare.

Ohno suddenly had a very serious look on her face. She spoke out:

"I think then we will all wait until there is a great danger facing the Earth. And then our Hato will turn into a Magical Girl and will have to kissu all of us. And then we all get magic cards and magical super powers! Oooooohhhhh!" Ohno clapped her hands.

"THAT won't happen!" Host Hato scowled. "I hate that manga! Oh no, wait... I... HAFF.. TO... SNEEEZE!... Arrrr Chooooo!" 

The group had all braced themselves. They relaxed and looked sheepish.

"See, Everyone still has their clothes on. We don't do that, Sorry Ohno-sempai. And, no! No one gets to steal a magic wand and go back in time and kill Hitler either... 

Will you settle for cosplay? Maou promised that there would be some time for cosplay. We could do a cross-play Lupin! You be Goemon, I'll be Jigen and Hato here as Lupin? I'm sure I can get one of the other of us to be Fujiko. And Tanaka-san, or should I say, Count Cagliostro – you are trapped! No escape behind the camera for you this time!”

She finished off, pointing at Tanaka-san, who held up his hands in mock surprise.  
Ogiue frowned, then looked at Madarame, then Ohno, Tanaka and Hato and just shrugged.

"Say, do you have any.." Madarame started.

"Zenigata!!!" the rest exclaimed.

"Knock yourselves out!" added Ogiue.

   
   
"Sempai, you should mingle. I am sure that, (Hato nervously lowered his voice) well, I mean some of them, us, well... they like you." The others had gone off in search of organizer-Maou, leaving Hato and Madarame at the table.

Madarame swallowed his sip of beer and replied in an equally low conspiratorial tone:

"Some of them like YOU too. Maybe you should go talk with some of them. Did I confess to you? Wait; I backed out. Hmmm... I might be waiting for a sign... or something. Mada 's expression suddenly turned serious. Then he resumed his near-smirk and leaned closer:

"That was one hell of a speed briefing she did with me outside the door. Look into your eyes, her eyes I mean and WHAM! I know kung-fu! It seems like some of the other us-es are, ah, very adventurous. There's a me that's dyed his hair blond, has just dumped Keiko-san and is dating girl-you. And he wears Hawaii shirts."

Madarame glanced from side to side and back to his Hato. "Dating girl-you isn't even that rare; there are a few of me who are dating guy-you. And others are dating, well, lots of people. And other you's are..."

"Please stop sempai, I know all that too, with lots more details – and that telepathic thing gave me a headache."

"Well then, guess its just us then. Am I being to forceful again? Madarame grinned and continued:

"Thinking back on it, there was one good thing about the last few months. If I am going to act like an idiot at you, it's better I did so to the real you, rather than you dressed up a girl...

...Or am I screwing up again? Looking around right now, maybe you dressed up as a girl is the real you. You let me know, neh? One thing I do know though; please stop the sempai stuff. We should use our first names, or nicknames or something, what with everything that's happened. I'll use Kenji for you and you can use that 'Rame you guys have been using for me, ok? (a gulp of beer) 

...Ha! That was awkward, but after all this, the honorifics and keigo-talk sound stupid. And if you can't decide now, I will just have to call you 'friend'. Or would that be friend-zoning you?"

"Are you really the real 'Rame-sempai, or did she bring a double in from one of her sideways-lands?"

"Yup, I'm at home asleep and this is all a dream. I mean it, no more sempai, Kenji!"

"Ok, ok, sorry. You're right. What about Nobu? That sounds better."

"Haven't been called that since high school, 'works too." 

Madarame took another gulp of beer. 

"Anyways Kenji, some of you here are really women, full biological and everything, sorry, no offense to you or them, or to your girl side, or... Is it a magic trick?"

"I think some of it is, and some is magic plus mess-with-probability tricks, which I think is the main thing that is going on with all of us. Some of us just ended up being born as girls. Some of the host-kei are them. Some of them do some magic and some are just regular me who like the look. I think most of them are fans of that theater group, so it is half or double cross-dressing, in a way. No stopping at your place to change needed."

"Hey, Kenji, not that I'll ever see them again, but don't you think the host club thing looks pretty good on them? Check out the way they all have their hair gelled up like that."

Hato stared at his friend; there was too much to process going on here...

   
   
Sue had been hanging back at the end of the food table, eating cake and watching three Hato-chans get into a very animated discussion about the cosplay (their) Ohno(s) had come up with for them, when she noticed that Maou Hato making for her. Too late to slip away, she saw Hato raise her hands in front of her (Oh no, not again!) and then nothing. They were held limply open, palms up. Facing her, Chair-Maou Hato stopped.

"I come empty handed before thee, seeking thy forgiveness Susanna Hopkins." Hato was speaking in an affected English but made it sound serious. Her face wore a pained look.

Sue glared at Hato, saying nothing.

"Please Sue! Don't you think I feel bad enough already? I, we work really hard to make these meetings go off well. I hate it when you are angry with me...It hurts!"

Sue started to speak, stopped, and then in slow Pimsler Japanese replied "Your speaking English is very good."

Hato's head slumped down a bit more. "I blew it. The first minute of realization is crucial and I mishandled it and then I though I could bullshit my way out of it. You have every right to your anger. Do you want to hit me?"

This time Sue answered in English: "What's the point? If I tried to give you what you deserve you'll just zap me with another happy-stupid spell. Damn You! That zap felt really good. Too good! Do you have any idea... I could, I could... Oh fuck off and get out of my face!"

"Do you want me to do dogeza in front of you, in front of everyone? I will! I want you to accept my apology. It is real. I value your friendship Sue. Anyway, you were going to pop back then - admit it..."

"Then you should have let me. What's with you? You don't even know me."

"But I do, that's the trouble. You are like me and like my Susanna. You protect your friends. I'm sorry I didn't explain better, sooner. I'm serious about taking the hit, even a kick, even a few, if it will square us." Maou Hato was still looking contrite, but now a bit of life was returning to her eyes.

"You really are Hato; you are just as full of shit as he is and the person you try hardest to fool is always you. Phhhhtttttttt!" 

Sue let out her breath and loosened up a tiny bit, which incidentally made her a lot more dangerous. Then something that might become a smile started to form on her lips.

"Ok, apology considered. I might accept it later. You are on probation. Zap me again with another magic happy spell and I will find some way, some time to get you back - but good. Sheeeeee-It! And then you used that nickname! How in the... where did you hear that?"

".... urrrmmm..."

Hato, the terrible and mighty magical girl (sometimes boy) who since childhood could walk through fire and face any number of blood curdling dangers with a laugh, shifted her face away from Sue's gaze as her cheeks flushed.

Sue looked carefully and then it hit her.

"Oh no.... Oh no... Fuck you Kenjiro Hato chan Maou sama shithead! Fuck That! Don't you even try that one! Don't you go there! Bullshit! Bullshit, your fucking magical highness. Bullshit!"

"I went to high school with you for half a year."

"Huh? "

"My you, of course. The magic girl brigade is allowed to keep tabs on all our friends. I might be a little extreme on that one. I also spent time with my Ohno and Angela and a few other people. The entanglement is good for picking up languages from each other, but nothing beats immersion. The classic quiet Japanese exchange student under a whole bunch of names, as boys and girls. Most of the time as a girl. At the same time I had to be in a few high schools here in Japan, to keep tabs on my friends here. The commute was a real killer. Didn't get a lot of sleep. I can take you on a quick bounce home if you want; the view over the ocean past Hawaii is amazingly beautiful...

...'You' didn't get to meet the shy young Japanese boy exchange student who brought anime bootlegs to your high school anime club. My you did. We did a live duet translation of Royal Space Force for a screening. I made sure it had no subs. Good times!"

Now Sue was a bit flushed. "Honeamise was bad enough when I did it for my club, and I did it solo. What the fuck were those Gainax idiots thinking? Ok.. I see guy magic Hato can be a sneaky little pig when he wants to be, I think."

"Better a pig than... yeah, sorry. Girl Hato is ten times worse if you give her half a chance. The magic makes us overconfident. Most of the time our friends keep us honest. The Host-kei are just as bad." She nodded over to some of the vested Hatos.

Speaking in English had freed Sue to be a lot more talkative. 

"They realize that they are all too short for those outfits, don't they?"

"They don't care and they think the outfits make them look taller, and very dashing. Some of them wear lift shoes."

Two of the Host Hatos looked over at them, one stuck their tongue out at them then turned off towards a couple of chans.

"Uh, Sue-san, none of my business of course, but are you still doing the 'I can barely understand Japanese and speak only in manga and anime quotes' act in your Genshiken?"

"You are right; none of your business, besides they all have guessed as much, I think. If one of -my- friends calls me on it, I'll come clean but they are being polite. They are protecting my shyness. I like them for that.”

"One more thing, sorry again, have to ask." By now the two were almost head to head and whispering in English:

"Madarame or Hato?"

"Phhhhtttttt! Ogiue is my waifu! I don't date boys!"

"Really?"

Sue raised her hands like she was moving to grab Hato's face. "Mind-meld with me, Spock!"

Maou Hato pulled back a few inches, startled. "Ok, I give up, you win. You usually do. We should switch to Japanese. (In Japanese) How do you find the cakeee, Hopkins-san?"

"Very fine cakeee! Delicious chocolate, very delicate. I may have to forgive you." replied Susanna Hopkins, picking up her plate and twirling her fork in her hand.

She was finally smiling. 

 

In the back of the now considerably expanded club-room, music was playing. A mixed group of Hatos were fiddling with the PC, adding anime songs to a play-list. Many more folding chairs had appeared and groups of Hatos were standing and sitting around, eating drinking, showing each other doujins from the bookshelves; a few even had hand game consoles and were playing or advising over their shoulders.  
 

   
Madarame had stayed at the end of the table as the rest of them went off to set up the cosplay with "their" Maou Hato. He sipped his beer and tried to think about everything that he was taking in. A few of the Hatos, female and male and in-between would occasionally look over and even wave at him but they left him be. There must have some rules for these parties, he thought. Don't overload the civilians. Well that was a good thing but he really should man up, get up and talk with more of them, he thought. Even after that mess in Nikko...

This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Some of them were dating him, or he them, even though it was with their own respective versions, of course. Then there were probably worlds where he had moved away, died or didn't even exist. Better not think of those.

Zenigata cosplay! Hawaii shirts! He wondered if in one of the many worlds he had won and Kousaka had...

"Stop it!" he mumbled to himself. That was a quick ride to feeling-like-shit-ville. In a few of the worlds his doubles had taken up Angela's offers, or Keiko's, I wonder how that had been? There were no double-double Madarames walking around, so asking might get answers, but no useful insights. Still, he felt a surge of self-confidence from what he had already learned. He had worried that he might have traded 3D for 2D and be stuck there forever but now whole new worlds felt open to him.

"You should have something to eat, Sempai!"

Hato had walked over to him carrying two plates of small sandwiches like a waiter in one hand and two glasses of beer and half a large bottle, hooked by the neck, in the other.

"I thought we were going to stop with the sempai stuff.. Oh!" This Hato wasn't 'his' Hato. Guy version, same clothes more or less but somehow a little brighter. All scrubbed up, face a teeny bit softer - almost glowing. The effect was subtle, even attractive.

"Make-up?" continued Mada.

"Just a bit of spit on the hand, plus a lot of skin moisturising and scrubbing each morning, thanks for noticing." Hato smiled, placing the refreshments at the table and snagging a chair next to Mada. "So, can we talk, how would you want to me to address you, Madarame-san?"

"You can use the 'Rame or Mada. You surprised me there for a bit!" Madarame noticed that this Hato even smelled good. Whatever he was wearing was subtle, but pleasant.

"Yeah, I saw. Thank you for noticing that I'm just visiting. I would have never let it go on if you hadn't mentioned it. We have rules about swap-deception. Very strict rules in fact. I'm serious about the sandwiches though. Roast beef or Italian smoked ham. Both really yummy." Hato beamed as he spoke. He seemed to sparkle. "If you don't eat something you'll get hammered. The Maou have a sober-up spell, but food is a lot better."

Madarame grabbed a small sandwich, took a bite, tasted the prosciutto and dijon spread and took another gulp of beer. "You're right, Was hungry. Delicious! Thanks!"

"Have more sempai, please!" continued Hato, "You must have questions. Ask me anything. I'll try to fill in whatever I can, or I'll get someone who knows if I don't."

"You have a whole world, just like this back home? With your own version of me, Ogiue, Yoshitake, Yajima, Ohno, Tanaka, Kousaka... everybody?"

"Yup, that's about it. Like identical twins, same basic model, life histories mostly parallel, some events play out differently."

"You still a fudanshi in your world? Draw BL stuff?" Mada was probing for something.

"Oh! Right, that pissed off my Madarame too. You must have gotten your own version of the girls' and my "enthusiasms" last year, right? Did they properly make that right with you?"

"Uhhh.. I really can't complain too much, I mean I have my fantasies too, and fantasy is just fantasy, but yeah, I was shocked. It hurt. I can understand the girls liking the stuff, but what do you see in it? I mean, even after you were stuck in my harem, I didn't think that you were gay."

"Whoooff! Oh Harunobu Madarame!" Hato was trying to control himself. "Oh, sorry, this is for my reality only, your mileage, and the rest of it... Mmphhh! Moment, please."

Hato was having a coughing fit, or had swallowed something the wrong way. He looked like he was choking. Madarame was half way up out of his seat, ready to pound Hato's back, then Hato regained composure and waved him off.

"S'ok... Sorry, couldn't help it. I gather your Hato just reads BL as a 2D fantasy, right? You have got to tell me about the harem thing. I can help you with the BL in general right now."

Hato took a deep breath and pushed his hair back.

"OK, Remember it is written by women for women and aside from naked guys and overdone sex, it is also very very romantic in a way women like. Girls like pictures of nekkid guys too, right? The romance is also very appealing for a certain mindset of guys, and we don't all have to be gay to like it. Women-written yuri, not the porn stuff is like that, only different but you can't beat yaoi for overblown romantic porn, straight from the minds of women."

Madarame looked right at Hato: "I get that part, that's the standard explanation but then they run around calling real people sou-uke, without thinking about it, and.."

"Don't worry Mada-san, You are not a sou-uke. Trust me on this."

"HUH?"

"Breathe deep; remember, I'm not your world's Hato, and my Mada isn't you, right? But fundamental character doesn't change much, even if expression varies. What I am trying to say is, that when it counts and you put aside your shyness, you are very much a manly guy. You can be proud of that."

Madarame was edging his chair back a little.

"Oooops, Am I freaking you out? What's all this about a harem?"

"Didn't your club do one? It was just the girls playing with me and Hato, my Hato trying to save me, I think... And competing with them too, somewhat. It didn't count for much, He cross-dresses as a sweet innocent girl, and makes me dinner and Sue scolds me if I tried to peek at his pantsu. It was just fooling around, part of their fujoshi stuff. 

...Of course Angela was serious and Keiko was just being Keiko the bad girl - she is also competitive, but it was all about them. I get no say in any of it. Even you, my you, I mean he got all flustered when I called him on all his flirting.... Shit, I was really drunk that night."

"I see... Hmmmmm.... I should call your me and have a talk with him sometimes. Fujoshis can be clumsy. Did you ever hear about the mess Ogiue got into in high school?"

"Some of it..."

"Yeah, but that doesn't excuse the rest of them, or your me. Or they are their own versions of fool. That's unavoidable. I better set a few things straight here and now though. I have "my" Madarame, and you're not him, so I can only speak from my experience. But guess what?

"What?"

"I'm gay."

"Ok... I mean I asked you that , my you, at first and you denied it."

"But your Hato is his own man. He could be anything. With a head full of BL, I bet that IF he has any feelings for you - and that is if - Did I mention if? ...he has wrapped them all up in 2D, in BL stories and "It's only Him" - which is a big gushy romantic ritual in BL. It's an annoyance for a lot of mainstream gay guys, but nowadays most let it slide. It's like there is a band, and then the rotten girls are doing a tribute band. They do it their way, we watch them mess up but we'd rather have them inside the tent pissing out...”

Madarame considered what he would say next. "You sound very confident. I've never talked to an "out gay guy" before."

"Are my horns showing? Another guess: You guys don't talk that much do you? I mean, really really talk with your Hato, right?"

"Uh, not really. A little more when he was a girl member of my harem, but even then it was all superficial. Sue chaperoned us. How can I complain? I was getting free meals out of it but then Hato started to draw his story and they stopped coming by. And he gave me valentines day chocolate and..." Madarame stopped talking.

"Chocolate, and..."

"...And I got scared, because I liked it. Look, I'm not that way at all, I think, Uh sorry, no offense... crap."

"None taken, don't sweat it." Hato paused. "What a mess.

...Ok. More confessions: Brace yourself. Ready? In my world, I'm dating my Madarame, Ok. Big shock. There, I said it. He's still a regular guy, he's not a pushover even if he is wishy washy and an otaku maniac. And he is in NO WAY a sou-uke."

"Not... a... sou-uke..." Madarame was flushed.

"Excellent, you can be really quick on the uptake when you want to be."

"How does he, what does he say, how????"

"He says he knows who he likes and that's that. Like I said: he is strong!"

"You guys, do you?" Now Madarame was truly blushing.

"Heh! Mind your manners. We're just two normal people who like each other a lot. And, we're taking it slow. He's my first boyfriend, ever." Hato smiled. "I am very happy it happened."

"So you are telling me that I should give it a try?" Asked Madarame.

"Dummy! Your Hato doesn't need a Commercial Message from Gay Hato & Co. and neither do you. Actually it's good that I'm used to talking with you, my you that is. It is just familiar enough for me to feel comfortable and say too much. Didn't Magic-me fill you in? It's a free multiverse, you get to decide whatever you decide. Follow your heart! (Hato made a gesture towards his chest)

I only mentioned my situation because I care. What I am saying is that you guys should talk more. Sure, my experience says that it wont destroy the universe if you two got sweet on each other, but that is only one of a range of ways it can go. Besides, your Hato is going to need all the friends he can get, especially for the next while.

It's also good when you two are friends; without any romance or fooling around - at least, that's what I hear. But I also know that everyone in the Genshiken, except maybe Yoshitake-san can be too shy. That goes double for the Hatos and the Madarames. Some of us may be overcompensating for our past shyness, but you are most of the time, there for us. Again- that's how I hear it. Solid! We do have male friend-friends, you know, its not all making moves on guys all the time. Just regular folks, right?  
...Or would having a gay guy for a friend make you uncomfortable?"

"Uh, no, not really, at least I don't think so."

"You probably already had some back in high school, they were just -shit, that word; 'just' - too scared to let you in on it. "I", "we", us Hatos usually didn't have a lot of friends, male or female in high school. Even for the Maou and the Hosts who get recruited early, high school is tough for us. So whatever your Hato is and whoever they like, the Genshiken; the people that we have met in it, especially you, are very important to us, them... 

...Oh heck, that makes Hato, us sound pathetic. This is more complicated than I..."

"Well, I know that I don't have any friends who have multi-dimensional twins all over time and space. That might be odd." Madarame had recovered and clearly had something else he wanted to try.

"Yeah, got me there, but evenings like this are extremely rare. This is a complete magic one-off, like going to a Comike on Mars. On Mars, in the future, with a dealer pass from Ritsuko Kubel Kettenkrad because you are helping her sell her new OVA from a wall booth. A once in a lifetime all-expense paid vacation to a big room in a Uni otaku club that is halfway to Chiba!"

"Ah, speaking of that, I guess your me never got a crush on your Saki, right?"

"Walked right into that one, didn't I? Right in the face, Wham! (Hato made a face-palm gesture) I deserve it for meddling. Yeah, he did. Of course he did, the big dummy. He was still hung up on her when I joined the Genshiken. He got pissed off at me and the girls for shipping him, so I teased him about that. Then he let me have it good for getting in his way with Angela... No, wait... No more true romance stories. You figure out your own Valentines day massacres. Anyways we're all good friends. We went out to dinner with Kou-san and Saki-san last weekend."

"Sounds like it was complicated... but interesting" Madarame offered, picking up a sandwich.

"Life is complicated, but yeah, it's fun. Hey, pass me my beer and one of those sandwiches, please Mada?" Hato held out his hand.

“Yup! (between mouthfuls) life is good." Added Madarame, passing over a sandwich. He would see if he could get more war stories out of his Hato later, what with that telepathic effect.

Hawaii shirts!

   
   
Rika Yoshitake was drunk. She knew drunk and this was definitely it. Booze, meet Rika. How do you do? Rika, this is Booze. So good to meet you, sure I'll have another, only I gotta pee.

Gotta pee. Hmmmm. I wonder if Magic Girl Hato had hid any magic girls rooms off to the side of one of the bookcases. She made a cosplay closet, maybe there was a bathroom in there? It looked crowded though and Ogiue was near that door and Ogiue would give her shit for getting plastered this early. That meant leaving the magic big room and going down the not-magic hall to the not-magic girls room. Hmmmmmm She should get someone to go with her, but Yajimacci was talking with a boy Hato and the rest of her crew were in the cosplay closet. Hmmmmmm.

She walked slowly towards the door and seeing a female-looking Host Hato mumbled to her: "Uh, baffroom time, Do you have any girl Hatos who are heading that way? Sorry no offense... but our Hato has a ban on boy bits in girls rooms."

"I'll get a Maou for you." Host Hato went over to one of the magic girl versions, whispered and gestured at Rika. Then Maou Hato walked over, took her hand and led her out of the clubroom. 

...into Bright sunlight, filtered through some sort of blurry haze.

"Still with us Yoshitake-san? she asked.

Rika looked her up and down and replied "You a girl for real?"

"Do you need double X chromosomes or are lady parts enough?"

"Lady parts iz good, urp, all good." replied Rika.

"Wow, you sure got shit-faced fast. Let me take a reading." Out from under her cape came the magic wand. Hato flicked the jewel and waved it over Rika, then pushed it in front of Rika's face. Digital numbers were glowing on the heart jewel that looked like 0.17.

"If you were me, I'd have to impound your broom and magic roller skates." Magic-girl Hato grinned. "Do you need a quick sober-up shot?" Rika blinked, the wand had vanished, replaced by a small bottle of energy drink.

"That might be good..."

The bottle vanished, instead Maou Hato was making a heart with the fingers of both hands and whispering "By the power of love, booze booze fly away!" Rika gasped. It felt like all the alcohol in her body was streaming out of the top of her head through the pores of her scalp, like she was wide awake after a perfect night's sleep on a beautiful spring day... like she could whomp her sister at basketball.

"Holy Shit! I'm sober!"

"How does your mouth taste?"

"Hmmmm... Minty fresh, Uh, still need the bathroom, walk?"

"If you see anyone else, don't talk to them or try to touch them, K?"

"Why?"

"We are messing with the time inside the clubroom. That's also how we are handling the noise from the party. We stretch the effect for bathroom runs. Break it, it stings like a nasty electric shock, you drop back into real time and then one of us comes to retrieve you and you've missed 4 hours of party. Please resist the urge to put "kick me" signs on people or practice pick-pocketing. Notice the haze? That's the effect boundary. So no contact; they are ghosts, ok? Even if you know them."

"Sheesh! you could have warned us during the speech"

"That wasn't me, that was another Maou. I'm a guest for this party, just helping out. Here we are..."

At the sinks afterward, Rika straightened her clothes. She looked presentable enough. A group of 5 girl Hatos, plus a Host came in, but she caught herself before she said anything and pretended they weren't there. They acted oblivious to her presence and avoided her. She could hear a bit of what they were saying, but it was curiously muffled, even in the small restroom. When Maou Hato emerged and washed he hands, she glanced at some of them and back at Yoshitake and said: "Good job, we're out of here."

They walked down the hall in silence. Once back inside the clubroom Maou Hato sided up to to a Host and asked her to get them two cold beers, "Please, fast."

"That was very well done Rika-san. Let me get you a fresh drink. I have to say I was worried about you, especially when it came to bathroom runs. The good news is that for this little bit of hassle, we can go on here all night, even crash under the tables, wake up, have breakfast and still end this party before 20:00 tonight, outside time. How cool is that?"

The Host Hato returned with 2 frosty glasses of beer. "Here, Please, kampai!" and took a drink. "Ahhh! _Nothing better than beer during a school festival_ , right?"

Rika tried to smile. Truth was, she didn’t like this, now that she was back and feeling like she had been herded to the bathroom like a grade school kid.

"Yeah, good work, but wait till Sue has to go. she won't be as easy to manage as little ol' drunken me. And what were all those Hatos doing in the girl's bathroom?"

"You forgot to chew me out for stealing your buzz too."

"Ok, that was interesting. Guess the night is young and I can work on another one. You aren't going to lecture me on that too, are you?"

"I can ask Yajimacci over here if you feel you need some. News across the realities is the Rikas are the ones who are the most fun, and also the ones who try the hardest to see that everyone else has a good time. If that works up a thirst, so be it. You are an adult, you can figure out your limits. I wish we would have had your help planning this party."

"Pull the left one, it has bells on it and makes a pretty sound. You are tying to butter me up, ms. Hato. But I might take you up on the offer if only to see all of you again. You really a full girl?"

"I swear! You still bent outta shape about Hatos in the girls room? Japan needs to get more enlightened on trans bathroom rights... Gehhhh! Next run you can be indiscreet and I'll try not to squeal. I always felt I was a woman, got drafted young but put off asking for help. I just dressed the part. Small town; that was a crap sandwich but "misfortune befell" anyone who hassled me, so mostly I was left alone. I finally told the folks I was taking care of it and left home during summer vacation the first year of high school. They thought I ran off to Thailand. They were really angry. I sent them lots of email to keep them from setting Interpol after me. It took a lot of finessing. They are ok with it now. Your Hato is nowhere as much a girl as I am, is he?"

"Rika Yoshitake considered her answer. "Until the harem came up, I thought he was a split personality. A guy and a Fujoshi. Those small town rotten girls really worked him over. He really loves BL, and reading it alone as a guy won't do it for him, so he put all the fujoshi-ness into her and then she could be the fujoshi he couldn't be. You weren't like that were you?"

"Joining made me a fujoshi. I liked the adventurous stories, but I though the adult stuff was silly. Later I got it. I even gave Kaminaga a chance to collab with me - I was cheating because by then I could draw way better than her, but she just kept her asshole act going. She avoided me most of the time. For some reason she always was very clumsy around me. Many sprained ankles. (Hato smiled maliciously) I guess I will have to make nice to her again, seeing as she is marrying my brother."

"You too? Hato, ours will have her as a sister in-law soon. He's still scared of her, goes into his ship-me ship-me routine whenever she needles him."

"Mild anxiety reaction... We run into that a bit. Yours will get over it soon enough, now."

"No offence, but aside from the BL and the cross-dressing, I thought our Hato was straight for the longest time. Only when he started zoning on Madarame. Jeesh, I'm gossiping about you to you."

"Well, our little trick is turned off, so I didn't get his full story - but the old way of catching up is good too. The update doesn't get our friends' views either."

"You haven't seen our Hato in full girl mode, yet. After she levelled up, it was no longer Hato the rotten girl. She was Hato the girl-ier than girl girl. I don't know how Madarame-sempai feels about all this, but one or both of them could get hurt bad. Besides, Our Hato doesn’t realise yet that he's got the harem curse too; that means some other people are going to get hurt, I don't want the club to implode because of it.

There, I said it!

Mirei is acting odd, Sue is acting odd. My sister is acting funny and she's joining the Genshiken soon. My Hato has turned gay or not or something. What's next? Angela and Keiko adventures? Gehhh! When is anyone going to draw any BL? Hato's first story attempt... it was almost as bad as my fanfiction. He, she, you always gave off the vibe that she could do anything she set her mind to. I tell you; your counterpart's first solo story was a big disappointment, and she knew it. And she knew we knew it...

...Sorry, you probably can do much better, you should give our Hato some tips."

Maou Hato was paying full attention as Rika unloaded. She made a point of silently considering her words after Rika finished, then replied:

"Thank you Rika Yoshitake-san. I think you got across all the important points. Fills in some blank spots. Your Hato if anything is going to get a whole new sense of the possibilities available to his and her lives, after tonight. I hope it will help. Stick with me tonight, I owe you a treat, You want it, I'll try to magic it up for you. Reasonable limits though, neh?"

"Ok, I want a pony. 

...No, better... Time to pay up! Tell me who you like."

Another considered silence, then Maou Hato answered.

"Rika-san, I tell you truthfully, I like all the same people you like, the same way. For real. Cross my heart. I'm just too busy to think that way about anyone in particular right now. Some wise-ass once called it the only true perversion, right? I don't have anything to prove anymore either, so I can take my time."

"You really are a buzz kill. But I guess I have to respect that."

"You want the pony? They make a mess indoors."

"How-about a unicorn?"

"Not here, those things are dangerous."

"Teach me Magic!"

"Oh Snap! I've tried, it doesn't work - unless you want your brain worked over so that you are mostly, almost all me. We are Borg!"

"You are cheese?"

"Yeah, cheese. Stay-at-home Japanese never get Trekkie references. How about a Magic Girl pin? Small, stylish, discreet. Accessorises with everything..." 

Her hand held out a small silver lapel pin with a dark red jewel heart and tiny wings in a rosette.

"Oooooohhhh! I'll take it."  
 

   
Kuchiki was sitting off from the front of the food table, with three Hato-chans; original long-haired, contemporary and a Takeya version. He had a beer glass in hand and was enjoying the attention, but he was also working hard to behave himself. An evening like this didn't need him to liven up the proceedings. It was already much better than the Nikko trip. The "briefing" had been intense, but had left him curiously calm, almost detached from the odd situation. Maybe he should go over to see Ohno and do some cosplay? Not much time left at Uni, soon he would have to cosplay a salaryman, forever.

"You looked sad for a moment Kuchiki-sempai" said Takeya Hato.

"Not at all, please don't worry about me, Hato-san."

"We don’t' talk much at the Genshiken, at least I don't talk with my Kuchiki much, back home" added the long-haired Hato-chan.

The newer version finished "I've wanted to tell my Kuchiki, it was partly because of you, I mean him, that I felt welcome in the Genshiken."

"Yup, my Hato once said that, but it sounded like that was because I overdid it so much, anyone else would seem normal. I'm used to that. It's all good. It was all fun while it lasted. They will all go on to have adventures. I will fill out consumer loan forms at my father's bank."

"That sounds very responsible and mature, sempai" said Takeya-Hato.

"Yes, doesn't it. I'm not complaining. I won't be unemployed, but even if I didn't care about that, and I told my family to butt out, what would the rest of the people in our district do if the bank closed? It's a small operation. Everyone relies on it; retirees, the businesses, there are even still a few farmers left. Can I put all that at risk just because I want to run off and play otaku? I've had my fun, thanks to the Genshiken. It was a 'Good University Experience'."

He said the last few words as if they were a product slogan.

"It will be sad if you have to give up your interests." ventured long-haired Hato-chan.

"Hah! Maybe I won't have to, but I am counting on Ogiue-sensei, or you, I mean my Hato to become great mangakas and help me out."

The three Hatos made a point of looking politely puzzled.

"Oh you are such innocent otakus! I will wait a year and then try to contract you, my you, or Ogiue, through the district tourism association to create few stories set near the temple. Live rent-free in the area for a while. Make up a character who lives there, a girl detective or something. Much better than a mascot. Mascots are yesterday's gimmick. Otaku pilgrimage tourism is the next big thing! Do you know towns are promoting tourism at Comike now? There is even government funding. Of course there will be the need for a respectable young banker on our tourism committee."

"My Kuchiki never mentioned anything like that..." said Takeya-Hato.

"Still trying to squeeze the last drops of fun out of the moment, probably. A few last cosplay sessions too. I'll miss Ohno's costumes, and Angela's visits. They are so beautiful, and so daring with their costumes!"

“Your cosplay has grown very good too, sempai" added shorter-haired Hato.

"As has yours, Hato's, when they join in. So cute! They always look a bit tentative and uncomfortable, like Ogiue-chan does, when they do. That's at least as sexy as Ohno's and Angela's uh.. charms."

"Sorry, none of us have breasts..." continued shorter-haired Hato.

“Oh no! No, my bad. Did your me say that too back then? Please forgive me, us. I was soooooo drunk that night! I almost crossed the line again. And I don't even know exactly which of you, how you are, that way, I mean. No slight intended, please; cross-dressing, or trapped in a boy's body, or "traps" (he used the English term), -- I mean otokonoko. It's all just like cosplay, uh... (Kuchiki paused and went for a quick recovery) ...and you have your own private reasons for how you feel and everyone else, including 'wiiiillld and crazy Kuchiii' will keep his questions, opinions and his hands to himself. Promise!

I better not drink so fast..."

"I'm a girl when I'm a fujoshi, rest of the time I'm still a guy" said long-haired Hato, matter-of-fact-ly.

"About that for me too, I might be doing more girl stuff outside the club lately. It's not like there was a girl me trapped in me, but part of me is very comfortable being a girl, being a fujoshi. Talking it over with..." (she looked to the other two and around the room) "the rest of them has made me realise that it is a matter of finding what I am happy with." explained the shorter-haired Hato.

"It is strangely enjoyable.” added Takeya Hato: “Again, I didn't feel this way when I was younger. But part of me knew something was off when I started obsessing over BL in high school. I thought first I must be gay, but that wasn't it. You know Kuchiki, that BL isn't like gay manga or otokonoko manga... "

Takeya Hato was winding up, even letting her enthusiasm slip through in her voice.

"... So I became a fujoshi and that means both rotten (she paused) and GIRL. And it worked. I even got a bonus because I can draw much better. You can't imagine what a surprise that was. Ogiue was right when she told me I had been suppressing it. When I found the Genshiken and the rotten-girls there made me welcome, I have never been so... How can I say this? So comfortable and happy, both as a girl and as a guy. It is my exciting 'Good University Experience'!

Kuchiki had a sandwich in hand, and was quiet. The other two were listening with rapt attention. She continued:

"... And then I was recruited too. I don't really do much with it, my friends know, but we have an agreement to ignore it mostly; getting the invite for tonight was a surprise - I am very happy I came. So, that doesn't answer you original question, does it Kuchiki-san? I won't be bugging the Maou for "upgrades" and I won't tell you who I like because they will be the first to hear it from me, from both the girl me and the boy me – two confessions for the price of one!" declared Takeya Hato.

The other two Hato-chan looked at her with pride. Kuchiki grinned but kept silent.

"... And I want to get out more and do more shopping on maiden road. I.... think I also want to try shopping in the riajuu world, shopping for girls clothes, if I can get Yoshitake and Yajima to come along." finished Takeya Hato.

"Hah!" said Kuchiki jumping in. "Yajima-dono will be very uncomfortable. If you really want an adventure, save up for two months and get Saki-san to take you shopping. Then return all the purchases and replace them online. My father gives me money for suits, I see what is good, order it custom tailored online. If I screw up, maybe I will have to bug Tanaka-san to fix it.”

"Oh Kuchiki, you don't get it! That wouldn't count! I buy all my clothes online already. Don't be a dense... boy. Girls going out shopping for clothes is a total experience, like going to a convention or cosplaying. You really can't do it halfway and enjoy it."

“Hah! right, Ok, I get it. Thanks for reminding me about cosplay there. I almost forgot. Do you realise that cosplay is becoming more and more respectable?”

Kuchiki was back:

"They segregate it at Comike and impose rules on it for being disruptive, but now some of the other cons and even the Comike committee are saying "Cos-pur-e; the Ambassadors of Otaku Culture". Ambassadors! Can you imagine that?

The Anime cons and Game cons have prominent cosplayers. I think they paid some of the semi-pro groups, I will have to ask Ohno-san. In any case, for my tourism initiative, a Cos-pure Summit in the Narita area would be great, or a matsuri or both..."

"Ummmm, I think they have cosplay at the Tokyo Pride parade." added the Takeya Hato.

Kuchiki and the other two did a double-take at Takeya Hato, then Kuchiki kept rolling:

"Great idea Hato-san! If the Genshiken cosplay committee would participate, I swear I will make my father send me to set up a supporters table for the bank. You should pester your Ohno. I'm going to plant the bug in mine's ear. If your Genshiken is anywhere as strong as this one is, they'll join in, even Ogiue-san will approve. I hope our Hato doesn't get embarrassed. Anyway, those parades are supposed to be open for everyone as long as we are not bigots, right? Lets see the Stuco boys hassle the Genshiken about cosplay on that one. Whoooo Haaaa! Tactical thinking! A big Win-Win!"

A Host-Hato who had been eavesdropping butted in: "Bourgeois business Kuchiki is even more forceful than enthusiastic Kuchiki - his schemes are bigger too!"

“Thanks, hey, great outfit, Hato-uh-kun?"

"It's a tradition in our troupe."

"Say, you know theatre needs good banking too!"

   
   
"GRAND MARNIER CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES HERE! Death by Chocolate, limited offer, tonight only!"

One of the Maou was making an announcement as two of the Host-kei stood next to a serving cart. She continued in a loud voice:

"These are made according to the special recipe of a legendary Toronto Canada caterer and party planner. The recipe has been passed on to us from my Ohno-sempai, from a friend of hers who got it from the legend himself. Please limit yourself to two at a time and eat them slowly... Otherwise you may go into shock and require first aid."

The cart was mobbed, but the Hatos moved out of the way or passed small plates to the other Genshiken members when they showed an interest. For a brief moment, activity in the room stopped as everybody made OOOHH! and Mmmmmm! noises, to be followed by the mandatory Sugoi(!!) and Sy-ko (!!!) exclamations. A few of the Hatos, Sue and Ohno were leaning against bookshelves and tables, steadying themselves.

Hato, hair slicked back, in a Lupin jacket, shirt and tie and Ogiue dressed as the Lady Clarisse wiped the chocolate from the corners of their mouths as the Maou came over.

"So, was my warning excessive?" she asked.

"No... These are amazing, you were right, another and I... don't know what I would do." replied Ogiue. "Thank you!"

"The recipe is classed as a spell and restricted to the Maou-us, but it really isn't. It is just chocolate and Grand Marnier liqueur and strawberries and a few other little tricks. They don't keep long though, so prep is a killer."

"Can I get the recipe without learning magic then?" asked guest-of-honor Hato.

"I'll see what I can do. It might slip out by accident, who can tell?. So, anyways you look much better now. Is the evening going well for you so far, now that we are only springing tasty treats and cosplay costumes at you? And Ogiue-sempai, I hope that our disrupting your club room is turning out to be, on balance a fun experience?"

Ogiue looked at her Hato, then at the Maou. "You are another one of them, right? I left you in the costume room."

"You got it. relief duties and chocolate safety announcements, that's me."

"So, I'm still trying to understand what your circus does and what it means for Hato, my Hato here. For one thing, it is really going to be hard for him to have any privacy with you people popping up all the time. Hato-kun and Hato-chan, ours, has never had to share anything with the club members that he or as a girl, she did not feel comfortable sharing. None of us have; not on my watch. We don't pry. We respect each others' privacy as we respect each others' fantasies."

Ogiue was seriously struggling to sound like a club president, almost as if she was facing down the student council executive.

"We have our public face, our club faces and our private hearts. If you truly are Hato, you will remember this and how far we go to protect it."

"Spoken like a true Genshiken president! I am as happy to talk with you now as I am to have my Ogiue as my friend. Be assured: all we really share are possibilities that we have tried. We are an 'information economy' so to speak. But you are right, sometimes that is too much; information can be extremely troublesome... 

...What would you do if a magic Ogiue showed up and offered you a chance to join your own circus, no running away required?"

"I would treat her like any magic critter who appeared and promised me magic girl powers, of course."

"With or without the flamethrower?"

"Probably with, I have a deadline coming up... You guys keep talking, I have to get back and make sure Ohno doesn't ask you, the other one, to turn the clubroom into a Ghibli castle. Bye for now." And with that, Princess Clarisse Ogiue moved off back toward the cosplay room.

"We don't turn our souls into lumps of coal, I promise. Its more like a 2chan full of us giving us advice. 'I am you: ask me anything!' Thanks, by the way for being discrete about the hand."

"Yeah... That still feels weird. It all still feels very weird. You are all a bunch of strangers who look like me and know too much about me. Do I really want to know what you know about me? About my friends? 

Here's a question: All of you, me, seem to run towards considering yourselves more or less as girls, uh women... female. I have thought a lot about what I do with cross-dressing and being a girl in the Genshiken and BL, but what do you all think about it, That would be something to know, without getting it plowed into my head like a train hit me."

"Hmphh. Not all of us cross-dressed to join the Genshiken. A few of us are so, so - it's not put off, or disenchanted - more like "decided", that they gave up cross-dressing completely and are pursuing our BL enthusiasms via the fudanshi route. As for the worry about our sexualities changing, we are still young. We are all expressing more than changing. I can be a little more smug about it than most, because I have the experience of having the whole mess of us bouncing around in my head since I was a kid.

"Did you?"

"Well caught; this body here joined the Maou later. But we Maou turn into Maou Hato soup fast. Changing the subject; are you sure you don't want to switch over to girl mode for the rest of the evening?"

"Perhaps after cosplay. With my Host Club "cousins" and the cross-play theme, I could just be one of the tomboy versions of me cross-playing Lupin. They really are the oddest and most interesting versions, I think."

"Nothing odd about them. If they feel like they are girlish, there is no rule that says they can't feel like they are dashing, somewhat boyish girls who might happen to like other girls and musical review theatre too, right? We could have been all born in America and then how would those of us like that work out their way? Dress like car mechanics? Boring!"

"My Madarame wouldn't stop staring at them."

"Not all of them prefer girls either. And not all of them take up executive duties - some just like the look. And some guys - and girls - like sweet innocent Nadeshiko types and some like beautiful busty fighting girls in swimsuit armour and some can even get very hung up on dashing androgynous heroic types in a well-cut jacket and vest ensemble. Life is funny like that."

"I look at them and I have no idea how they started with me and ended with them.”

Maou Hato elbowed Hato. "You should talk more with them. We are you, after all."  
   
   
Merei Yajima let out a long breath. She sat at the front end of the club table and took a few moments to recover.

"Well, I hope that he can figure out some of what I pointed out" she thought to herself "...but not all of it. Should show some solidarity with my other me. Didn't tell him anything he didn't already know. That story of his was like parts of the one he, my Hato showed us, but he still has too much extra junk in it. A temple flea market, not a story. If he ever gets good he will curse his wastefulness and wonder how he had all those good ideas when he lacked the chops to use them...

Hah! I got lucky, I kept my 4-koma quick 'n dirty and I won that time but I don't know how long I can... Is it even a competition? Why do I keep thinking it is? If they are not Hatos, then I guess we're all half-cooked with our own leeks already… Oh heck! I must be convinced."

Yajima let out another long slow breath.

"I saved you a chocolate covered strawberry Merei Yajima-san." 

One of the Host-club Hatos had snuck up on her.

"Uh, thanks, but tonight is going to add a kilo to my thighs, so I better pass. Sandwiches and cake was plenty." Yajima didn't really want to talk with another one of the freak brigade, Maybe with her Hato, later, but not now.

"Sorry, I'm going to be persistent. I also have beer, ginger ale and diet ginger ale; pick one"

"Not interested"

"I could visit the cosplay room and come back in a maid outfit. And if that doesn't work, I will try a bunny outfit, and if that doesn't work..."

"Fine! Ginger Ale, no rat poison."

"No... Got it, _ixnay_ on the _Iet-day_ " She produced a glass and a frosty can of Canada Dry from who knows where in an exaggerated pantomime of service, then grabbed a glass of beer form the table and pulled up a chair next to Yajima. The small plate with the chocolate strawberry sat on the table nearby.

"It's taunting you."

"Go ahead, you have it."

"I had two already; have to wait an hour or it will make me silly."

"Nope..."

"Merei Yajima-san, please try the fucking strawberry. I'll answer any of your questions if you give it a try. It is fine. I promise! It is a crime against nature, humanity and catering to let it go to waste."

Yajima looked Host Hato over. She, unless that was padding under that vest, was acting pushy; not boy pushy, but older sister pushy, like Yoshitake towards her sister. No Adams apple. A husky, deeper version of Hato's girl voice, like the earlier host version. Gelled black hair, a shorter spiky update on the classic yankee cut. Control, we have a dyke Hato here, please confirm.

"You one of the girl ones?"

"Right on the first guess. Don't forget the strawberry."

Yajima picked up the plate, tooth-picked the chocolate glob and bit off a piece. Her eyes went wide. The rest disappeared in a second bite. She chewed. She licked her lips and leaned back in her chair, then looked up at the ceiling. Then silence. Finally:

"You win."

"What were we playing for again?"

"Thank you Hato-san, chan whatever. Good chocolate strawberry. I accept that whatever is going on has so far been harmless and not a stupid mess that is going to fly apart and become a horrible disaster, at least not in the next five minutes. And if it does, I don't care any more. What's next? More of your doujins for me to crit? bring 'em on. Cosplay? Sure, I hope you have something that fits big girls. Rainbow coloured ponies? Wonderful, I'll line up with the rest of the kiddies for a ride. You guys win."

"Hmmmm, I see. Believe it or not, I can sympathise."

"So, you 'a girl born, or boy changed? Not that I care."

"Right: to keep this sparkling conversation going, I'll answer. I am one of the rare ones, a born-female Hato. If there was a male me in my reality, I'd be his twin sister. That means by the way that the group mind thing is far less effective on me. High school was different but still not great. As you heard from Ogiue-sensei, fujoshi can be mean girls. Recruited second year junior high. Liked what the Host-kei was offering and the lifestyle. Knowing that many of the me's across the multiverse were guys also explained a few things for me - in a naive way of course, Don't get me wrong, I like being a woman. And yes, I still like BL and Yaoi, Enough women like me do.

"I would think that you'd be more into _Yuri Hime_ than _Jump_."

"You sound like my you when I joined the Genshiken. Small town fujoshi, remember? I've heard a lot worse."

"Seems like some things don't change; we still grate on each other."

"Oh heck, Yajima-san. The update thing still works enough for me. I can guess that you most likely have been sneaking stray glances at your local male-me version. I bet you also got a bit flustered when a certain kid sister showed up at the clubroom as a big brother. That one happens a lot too. So... You're getting ideas. You are a good person. Don't you deserve to get any?

I only hear about how that plays out. No such problems in my neck of the woods. That only leaves doujin making and I've already squared that with my version of you. We trade drawing tricks for story tips. Tag team. Ogiue-sempai is beginning to worry if she can keep up. So you can ease your finger off the trigger, I'm harmless."

"You mean he's going to find out..."

"...that out of the infinite multitudes of Genshikens, some Hatos and some Yajimaccis occasionally glance at each other? Boy glances at everyone eventually, and everyone somewhere eventually glances at him or her or both or all. Glance happens. That's why people join Uni clubs, Relax!"

"What do you guys do anyway? I guess your version of me has helped you save the world a few times or something?" The sarcasm in Yajima's voice was impossible to miss.

"Well... If you want to get technical about it, we read, enjoy, discuss, exchange and draw amateur pornography."

"Urrrrr, yeah... I mean the Hato gang, and the ones like you and the magic girl-boy ones."

"Like the great speech-maker and some of my colleagues have mentioned, we keep an eye on each other. We also sometimes run errands for someone who is better at messing up reality than will ever be, and her good friend. Because those two pretty well wrote the book on what could go wrong and then fixed it so that it never happened. We are their gophers and their backup to make sure nothing continues to happen. That's really all we do; make sure nothing happens. Plus the pornography, of course... Want to know why a nice girl like me likes BL?"

"Not really..."

"Good, it can get really boring to discuss my favourite queer theorist's ideas about that one. The Genshiken might be a University club, but you are all amazingly uninterested in any of the academic angles on your fannish interests. You should ask Madarame-san to see if he can hunt up the first president of the Genshiken and get him to drop by and do a talk. Or ask Saki about him.

"Saki-sempai?"

"Well, she was a full member. It wasn't all just her hanging around mooning after her boy genius, while 'Rame pined silently for her. She even faced down the student council once when they tried to shut down the club. You guys should be ready for round two if they ever try it again. We sure as heck won't zap them for you if they try it, so it will be up to your year's members to mount a defence.”

"About 'Rame-sempai and your alternate you's: we all used to think that it was HatoMada but now it looks like it might be MadaHato. How do you answer that one?"

"Hmmm... I don't draw a boy version of myself and ship him with Madarame, if that's what you are asking. And noooooooooo... I don't draw a girl version of 'Rame sempai and ship him that way either. It doesn't work like that. The student council boys however; they are interesting. The fussy one and the one who trolls the clubs looking for girls to impress. What a pair! They are almost as good as chocolate!”

"Yeah, they are naturals. Uh, right. Lets put that aside for later. Don't dodge the question. What are the chances of our MadaHato happening and will someone end up so bent out of shape that they try to jump in front of a train?"

"Train jumping-level bent out of shape is very rare, but not impossible. That would be MadaxTrain of course, because any Hato we know about comes with built-in shoulders to cry on and we never would let it get that far. I think that he will behave honorably towards Madarame-sempai.

Hmmmph! He might think he is being honorable, but it will be another indecisive Hato mess! He doesn't have any idea what he is doing next anymore. Quit cross-dressing. Go back to cross-dressing but do it even better. Ship Madarame - no wait cook him dinner and give him chocolate. No wait; lock himself in his room and draw a story. Could you guys give him something to keep him occupied, like learning how to pilot a giant robot, or something?”

"Can't do the giant robot, That's Sue-chan's gig..."

Yajima was finding it easy to talk with a “real” girl-Hato. So she let lose:

“Why are all of you so, so damn indeterminate? it gets confusing to be around you. I could understand if you, I mean him, would just pick one thing and be it, but nooooo! I guess we could all just sit back and watch the show, That's how Yoshitake does it, but some of us are stupid enough to care. And having you idiots lurking about in the shadows is not going to help. Now instead of finally settling on one thing, he's going to have continuous reminders that he or she can be everything, everywhere. Woooooo Hooooooo!”

Host Hato said nothing for a moment then answered:

"Before we get recruited almost all of us are shy and conflicted about who we are and what we desire. Your Hato was using their love of BL as a way to work out a small mountain of confusing feelings. Are we gay? Were we born with the heart of a girl? Or with two souls? Or one that wanders? Are we straight but somehow over-the-top romantic woman-made fakee gay porn calls to us and melts our brains? Is BL some kind of queer-lite, a new kind of queer or a way to hide from queer? Who knows? I sure as hell don't.

You do catch one of the problems with us, but isn't that a lot like real life anyway? You either do the one true approved way to normal and success and happiness that everyone is supposed to follow, but no one can really achieve any more because society changed and the economy tanked; or you flop around and then what? Become losers and freaks and hikis and NEETS and just crawl away to die under a bridge? Look at all the choices at Mandrake; it's impossible to decide and you can't afford them anyway...

Or are we all to join a patriotic society and march around with sound trucks longing for the good old days that never existed?”

"Easy to do your little speech, but it doesn't help."

"Oh, but it does. You and your friends, all of us are healthy, well educated and command technology that spans the globe and surpasses the powers of ancient kings. Food is available without backbreaking work sunrise to sunset. We poo and no one has to haul it to the fields in a bucket. Good dentistry is available. Medicine works for the easy stuff. Magic metal boxes zip us to and fro for beggars' coin. The little extras that our circus bring to the table are almost obsolete. All this could have been done with no magic, here tonight by a competent dance party organiser; only there would have been a Y3,000 cover charge at the door. And a cash bar. But the music would have been better."

"What about our Hato?"

"Think a bit Yajima-san, What remains constant with all the Hatos you see here; boy or girl? The Genshiken and the people in it. That's you too. Even the Maous love their Genshikens and they don't need them as much as we do.

Consider the shitload of strange baggage we carry around. The taste for BL and yaoi, the longing to be part of a fujoshi community, enjoying and making BL. Our little problem with fixating on sempais. Don't look at me like that; of course I had a school-girl crush on that brass plated asshole. Ooooh look at her, the perfect fearless fujoshi, ever ready to throw anybody else under a bus the minute she feels uncomfortable or challenged. Straight girls! Gehhhhhh! No offence. Scorpion and frog. My stupid brother's wife-to-be. My family thinks I am a mutant freak. Mother wants grandchildren - she won't be getting any from me any time soon. I hope little miss hick-town fujoshi queen will make her day. I could vomit!

Uh, right…

...Then there is our little habit of being not completely conventional in our desires or the way we, polite words time; do gender expression. And that we are all big sloppy mushy stupid romantics. But none of that even warrants a parking ticket in this brave new world, does it?

...What's in your Anxiety Closet Merei Yajima?"

"I think that I am getting too thin and too popular with all the boy band singers and might be neglecting my studies."

"Ok, two points for you. I need another beer; you want one?"

"Sure, why not?"

Host Hato was back soon with two full glasses. She could move like oil; she almost flowed back into her seat and handed a glass to Yajima.

"Here, Cheers!"

"Do you think our Hato wants to be a girl?"

"Could be. Has he ever said he wants to be a girl? You know: 'I always knew that I was a girl trapped in a boy's body.' 'I have the heart of a girl – at home in a plastic jar.' Sorry, you know, the usual manga speech."

"He insists that he only does it to fit in with us as a fujoshi. Except he now admits he likes it. Does he become a girl to be a fujoshi, or is he becoming a fujoshi to be a girl?" Or is he a gay guy who likes BL and cross-dressing? Or a straight guy who likes BL and cross-dressing? Yoshitake thought that despite the cross-dressing he was still at heart a guy, a straight guy at least until the harem started. I thought that too, which is probably why he pissed me off so much. And whenever he gets nervous in the club, he starts shipping like crazy: shipping himself, his guy self with Madarame, even shipping his guy self with his brother! He overdoes things."

"Well shipping every guy in sight happens when the mood is right, but the brother thing, I'd heard of it before but it doesn't connect for me. I told you he, we, all really love being in the Genshiken. Your Hato is just a little more scared than most of the rest of us of not being fujoshi enough or getting betrayed and suddenly wham! He's kicked out and he's lost it all again. Then what does he do? How many okama bars have BL nights? You guessed as much, right?

"Fudanshi isn't good enough for him but he's a fujoshi and not a real girl. I guess we aren't real girls, women, either then?"

"Ouch! That hurt! Let me check next time I have to pee. What can be more womanly, in Japan than fanning out on BL and yaoi? Ichiban women's culture. More Japanese than Office Ladies and Good Wife Wise Mother. Do you want to be a geisha?"

"This is going around in circles."

"No way; this is spiralling upwards towards clarity!" 

 

“I've never cosplayed before; this is way kewl!” Madarame mumbled to himself. The sideburns are itchy, but I can put up with them. The rest of this Zenigata costume is freaking amazing, he thought. He was admiring his reflection in the window, on the other side of the room from the hubbub around the Cosplay Closet door. Tan-yellow trench coat, well-worn floppy fedora, a pair of gloves, plastic handcuffs on his belt and a light wood Jutte.

A perfect fit. Done up like this, I'm ready to catch Lupin-Hato for sure – which is the cheesy fujoshi set-up behind the whole exercise. Jeesh! I get it! Google is your friend: plenty of primer info on rotten-girl lore can be had if you spend the time on the web. It was inevitable, what with all the ecchi stuff for guys that the women would make up their own fun too. At least I'm not the sou-uke in this cosplay. Wonder how our Lupin-Hato is going to go all lovestruck on Fujiko, who will probably end up being one of the other Hatos? That will be confusing!

“Might as well drink some more.” He mumbled. He spotted Yajima-san and one of the Host-kei sitting at the club table. One last look at his reflection, straighten up, think “Justice!” and head over. Oh, right… Beer!

“The wedding must be postponed! The notorious thief Lupin plans to commit a crime during the ceremony!”

Mada had struck a pose in front of Yajima Merei and the Host-Hato. “Wait! You cannot fool me! You are Lupin in disguise!” He was gesturing with his beer and preparing to take a drink from his jutte when he stopped and looked at one hand then the other, then at his audience. Yajima-san looked blankly at him but the Host-Hato clapped her hands and exclaimed:

“Inspector-san! Your other beer! Careful!”

“Right! I see now. Not Lupin! Is that you Miss Mine? It has been a while, I didn't recognize you… your… In that outfit” Mada was looking down at the seated Host-Club-Hato-chesty-enough-chan. He recovered and looked up at her face. She let out a laugh.

“Please, Inspector Rame-sempai, do you want to sit with us?” She looked quickly over at Yajima who was trying not to laugh. Yajima waved her assent and stifled a cough – or a laugh, as Madarame pulled a chair over.

“Ohno and head-magic-Hato will be coming for you soon, Yajima-san.” he added.

“I know, I know… Your costume, sempai. They really did a great… You are a perfect Zenigata. Even with your glasses.” replied Merei.

“Maou, tonight's lead Maou, is really into cosplay. Almost as much as Ohno is. It takes her mind off her other obsessions. The only thing wrong with Maou-me is that they all are obsessives – even more than the usual us.” Host-Hato took a drink from her beer.

As if on cue, Ohno and the Maou glided over to the table as Ohno announced:

“Yajima-san, we are ready for you now”

“...And who am I going to be?”

“That's a surprise! You'll LOVE IT!”

Yajima Merei got up, then grabbed her beer. “I did say that I gave up. Ok!” she added toward Madarame and Host-Hato, “Wish me luck!” and off she went with the two of them. Madarame looked over at Hato, this particular Hato. She – quite definitely female or at least female-ish, looked back at him, with a subdued grin.

“I hope that me being a girl doesn't get in the way of us talking, sempai. If it makes you feel better, I sometimes get flustered around girls too. Or is it the outfit? Lots of girls and enough guys find it… interesting.”

“Ah, yeah, it looks great on you… Hato-san. Ah… You are being a girl in your world?”

“AM a girl, sempai. Born this way. One of the rarer models, as I was explaining to Yajima-san. Somewhat similar life experience as your Hato, with the telepathic thing to fill me in on what the mostly-boy me's get up to. And again, as I mentioned to Yajimacci-san, the “entanglement”, as we call it doesn't work as well for me, so I might be a bit hazy on the fine details of your particular situation.”

“My? What does your Madarame...”

“We play cards. Sometimes games. Your, his, otokonoko games are a hoot! He gets chuffed when I point out that they are retread yaoi for straight boys. He swears they have moe up the… whatever.” The Host-Hato concluded with a sweeping motion of her hand.

Madarame took another pull on his beer and leaned back in the chair. Host-Hato is easy to talk to, he thought. That's odd. Almost as odd as how good she looks. Wow! I am turning into an eroge main chara tonight. I wish... No. Better hope a certain someone doesn't drop by later or I might make a complete fool out of myself.

“Don't zone out on me sempai! Earth to Buddy-Boy! If the booze is catching up on you, I can snag a Maou. Their sober-up spells are fast, painless and you can keep drinking all night. The only thing they don't magic away are the calories. Hold on, I'll be right back!”

Again, Host-Hato moved like oil. Mada looked around the room, Yajima was waving her hands in front of her as Ohno was trying to coax her into the dressing room – it looked like she wasn't completely convinced about their brilliant costume idea for her… and then Host Hato was back. With more beer, more sandwiches and one chocolate glob thing.

“Promise not to freak out if I give you chocolate, It's only desert but it's still a treat! After the sandwiches. Have a sandwich, eat up!” Hato lowered her voice dramatically. “Eat some meat! Meat is all a person needs to be happy!”

Madarame took a sandwich, then paused, looking at her, trying to catch the reference.

“Sorry sempai, the light novel isn't even out yet.” Then Host-Hato leaned her head over at a ridiculous angle, her ear almost touching her shoulder. Then she straightened up.

“ I'm trespassing on Sue-san's “I stuttered” joke. Same series. You'll like it a lot. No spoilers tonight, I promise! Sorry again.”

“Is Hato, I mean, our Hato going to become like this?” Mada asked between sandwich bites. “Knowing all this extra, secret stuff, trying to keep it all straight in his and her head, depending on which Hato he or she is at any moment. It's going to be rough on them… And how long do I have to wait for the anime?”

“Can't tell you that, but I can talk about the club, if you bring me up to speed. Just promise when you read that light novel or whatever and you hit those lines, remember me and have a good laugh. As for the rest of it; I need to situate you in your probability-line. If it is OK with you; can you give me a short summary of what happened on your second day of the Nikko trip? You went with the club, right?”

Madarame stopped eating and looked down at the floor, then at Hato with a serious look. “That's important, isn't it?”

“You can guess now that it could have gone all kinds of ways...”

“Yeah, it was a mess. I sometime think I should have begged off and not gone.”

“Sometimes you did… beg off that is. Nikko is a major probability branch point. Lots of routes start there.”

“You heard about what happened the first night, I suppose?”

“Ah sempai; that didn't happen with me and my Madarame, but yeah, I've heard what sometimes, often happens.”

“Well nothing happened. I just tripped. We were both really hammered and my knee buckled after carrying Kuchiki. Something might have happened if Kuchiki hadn't got up and sleepwalked to the washroom… I want to say this though: If something had happened, or did happen for one of your Madarames, what happened was a lot more complicated than just fan-service for you girls. We might not be good at talking about things, but you fujoshis underestimate guys.” Madarame put down his sandwich and took a drink from his beer.

Hato took a drink from her beer and replied: “We don't think you guys, males are emotionally void. The premise is merely that you are inarticulate, so we fix that, is all. Look, I get it; part of it was the sou-uke thing... It might be cold comfort to you but that shit gets stomped down around the clubroom as often as it gets loose. After all, Ogiue messed up big on it when she was younger. I sympathise that it got out of hand in your “line”.”

She paused, then continued: “From what I hear, the tripping scene made a big impression on “us” who it happened to. This is easier for me, because I'm distanced from it - but it meant a lot to “us”. Even if part of what almost or did happen was payback for shipping you. And it's not suddenly like all the Hatos, boy-mind and girl-mind versions all suddenly melted and fell head over heels for you either... It's just that the complexity of the situation bumped up a few notches because you took him seriously, even as he, we, were pretending to ourselves that our little firewalls between fantasy and reality were rock solid and holding fast.”

“Should you be telling me any of this? I mean, this is all private still between me and my Hato.”

“Well, I am Hato too, and I care about the turmoil that you two got yourself into, just as much as I care about my Madarame and the rest of my Genshiken. If you ask your people tomorrow what “we” all let slip, you'll find on balance, not much. We are good at listening however, and at generalities. If you want to take them as hints, that's your choice. Besides, I can tell, that little cliched trip and fall affected you too, right?”

Yeah, it affected me all night. I was sick with worry after the initial surprise wore off. Do you have any idea how complicated things suddenly became? I'm not completely stupid, even if I was acting like a fool. And I care about the club – I was president, remember?  
So if I was going to go all edgy, nothing-to-lose rebel-san and go out with Hato, girl version and guy version – because you get the whole package, what was I getting into? What was he getting into? Did Hato, my Hato, know what the fuck it would all mean for him?”

Madarame took another drink of his beer.

“How much in his mind did he think was playing out a fantasy, flirting with me, being part of my harem, getting egged on by the rotten chorus, giving me chocolates? How much had they considered reality? Real reality? Minutes before we tripped over each other, he gave me a heroic speech. “I am not the fantasy girl you think I am, choose someone else.” Oh shit! Delivered on the burning bridge of Space Battleship Yamato as it slowly slips to a fiery end in the earth's atmosphere. Heroic music swelling in the background...

“Phhfftttt! Sempai! That's cruel! Down with his ship. I'm sure they meant it, It just tends to come out dramatic when she, he... when my me's are in their fujoshi head-space.”

“It was touching, or at least it would have been but the next thing, he's letting me in on the secret of his new-found amazing drawing powers, blubbering away about how he needs pantsu to draw. What The Fuck??? Obvious conclusion: my Hato is in pure delusion mode, or maybe 2 or 3 different delusions at the same time! Fine, at least one of those delusions was interested in me and I was interested back! Trouble is, he, she, they had painted themselves into a corner. 

I don't think we would have gone right to “stop it my butt hurts” (Host-Hato winced) but way, way before that: why did Hato think I was only interested in the girl version? Again: I'm not stupid. And Hato isn't some game otokonoko either. Shit, my Hato is as scared of 3D as I am. We would probably have to get hammered just to hold hands. Would we have gone hard gay? No idea! I honestly have no idea. It was just turning into a situation where I was going to honestly consider what could develop… Slowly. And Hato would have had to consider a lot too, besides a head full of BL story scripts. The chances that both of us could end up in the same place were slim. Who would end up disappointed and feeling like they weren't enough, or they had let the other down, or resented the other for guilting them into going further than they felt they could? 

Why was I over-thinking it so much? Aren't I, as a guy supposed to go after what I want and worry about the mess I make later? Why was I beginning to think about my Hato, girl version and guy version like that? I mean; it's not like suddenly he had a nice ass – except sometimes, in the right dress, but I wasn't checking out other guys' butts, so why Hato? It was like all that BL stuff was bleeding over into a dangerous mass delusion...

Heh! – none of your Maou friends snuck into the clubroom last year and planted some kind of magic BL field generator, did they? Not that it was needed with the whole club circling around us with goggles set to max! 

...And about the club; what would have happened to his, her place in the club? Hato is accepted as a fujoshi, I've seen it. Sure, if you whack Ogiue, Yoshitake or Yajima-san upside the head, they'll say “fudanshi” but I think my Hato, if not most of you want more than fudanshi, right? And I don't think that Hato the gay guy, cross-dressing BL fan with Mada-sempai as a boyfriend would be as easy for them to accept. 

I'm right about that too, aren't I? How could Hato back out of their perfect little real-life BL doujin while his, her fellow fujoshi were all reading over his shoulder? 

No: The only person who could hit the brakes was me.”

Host Hato waited a few seconds after Madarame wound down, then replied:

“My apologies sempai and my heartfelt sympathy. You really did give us serious consideration.”

“Damn right I did! I couldn't sleep that night, with all of it whirling around in my head, along with way too much booze. I should have passed out. I did, but then I would wake up again. And again, And then the hangover hit. I was a sick mess that morning. At least Kuchiki high-tailed it out for breakfast so he didn't have to hear (and smell) me puking my guts out.”

“So, you were under the weather for the temple tour that morning?”

“Oh yeah! And angry. Really angry at Yoshitake-san. I get it now, I'm no longer mad at her and I understand what she was trying to do – save Hato and the club, but gehh! She thinks she is some kind of brilliant strategist but you couldn't sell any of her little schemes as a 4-koma gag. When I got to the temple, I pulled her off to the side and told her that she had won and to stop screwing around with my personal life. No Madarame Dating Tricks – at least have some respect for the other people involved, even if she obviously didn't think I was owed any. That shut her down. I can do ex-president sempai, sometimes. I was able to shame her. Or scare her. I warned her that I would probably spend most of the temple tour in the washroom or on a bench and that she and the rest of them were all too loud.”

“And then you ended the harem?”

“One by one, when they slipped off to see how I was doing, I told each of them including Hato, that the harem thing had become too much for 3D-chicken me and that with the whole club involved, it was going sideways. It was too public, it would hurt me, hurt them and hurt the club. I also gave them each the heroic 'I need time to find a new apartment, find a job and get my confidence and my dignity back' speech. Angela was very sweet about it, Keiko was pissed off as Keiko does. Sue stopped acting flustered and started poking me – she understood the situation best, I think. Hato started going on that they were a guy under the cute girl clothes. Duh! I let slip a few sarcastic comments and she started blubbering about fujoshi stuff. When you get a chance, tell her, him, them, those who care, that she was off-the-scale moe when she got flustered and started fujo-ing out. That's about it. Then everyone pretended it was no longer an issue for the rest of the trip and we went back to giving Kuchiki a good send off...

...I'm guessing it doesn't always go like that, right?”

“Sempai! You don't want to know. If we are involved, that is if the Hato-de-jour has been recruited, we will drop enough hints to keep things from getting severe. There are ethical issues involved too. Sometimes we recruit after, as with your line. Sometimes we have to do damage control. Sometimes you are all happily dating… pick one. Anything that can go wrong will, somewhere, go wrong. And will go right as well. You have an imagination, I'll leave it to you to roll the dice.”

“Yeah, I understand that. Well, I got one thing already from this. Otokoyaku-Hato is easy to talk to. I'm not out of line on that, am I?”

“You mean; do I like the musical theatre or do you mean; do I like girls? Duh! Well yeah! Are you too going to ask me why BL instead of 'Maria-sama Watches Over Us Sneaking Glances at Sempai?'

"No…. Nope, wouldn't butt in to your… Your… What you like. Besides with all the other versions, you probably picked it up, it rubbed off on you or… something?"

"Maybe it is genetic. Even before I was recruited I was as I am and I liked BL, the nastier and more over-the-top emotional, the better. The stuff is too easy for a determined kid to get their hands on. Maybe the BL is the “natural” for me and the fact that 3D girls are wonderful is my… hmm... “departure from the norm”. Anyway, who draws YOUR straight porn? Guys - right? All you guys giving each other lurid gifts, using pieces of paper. So Sweet! My fujoshi sisters abstract their fanning out just as you guys do for your smut, I simply chose to see it my way. Those are women's desires being passed around. Whew!” Host-Hato made a pantomime of fanning herself."

Madarame considered the obvious implications.

“Oh great! Oh 'effin' wunnerful! Another reason for guys to be afraid of rotten-girls. The mean girls are out to destroy porn for us, too!” Mada replied.

“Destroy? I am merely deepening your understanding of an effect we both love and enjoy. Some otaku you are, if a few minor contradictions within the art-form stop you dead in your tracks! Hah! The seed of doubt has been planted! You will now spend the rest of your days, digging through doujinshi shops for incredibly rare 'bian-drawn yuri smut… Good luck on that!”

“Aww… shit… Fujoshi are evil in the flesh!” Replied Madarame, getting into it. He took a long drink of beer and added: “ I will just have to drink myself into a stupor tonight so I can forget this and once again enjoy my loli and yuri smut.”

“...And your otokonoko games.”

“Gehh.. Ok, you made your point. Say… You've done this routine with your Mada before, haven't you? Crap. You probably even know what I will say next if I start trying to explain them!”

“I'm enjoying the small variations - please don't let me cramp your style.” Host Hato was definitely smirking.

“Ok, forget the otokonoko games, try this: If our Hato and the vast majority of the born male Hato-verse subconsciously work on that premise, then they aren't gay or leaning that way, or indeterminate, or they are but BL is a perfect mechanism for them to hide from it, play it all out in 2D and still think, eventually that they'll find true love in 3D-land with a woman. Therefore aren't they more or less all BL-loving virtual lesbians?”

“You've come up with that one before, but I must say that I am impressed how quickly you did so here. My reply has always been that this just goes to show how stupid all those categories and labels are. I will also add that it is worse because we are in Japan. A nation of rule-followers and get-the-forms-and-best-practices-down-perfectly obsessives! 

...And you neglected to finish your sentence.”

What?

“.. Like Me.”

“Ok, ok, but you really are cheating now. What's your take – you can feed me back my other self's bullshit if you want - on why I like otokonoko games?”

“Wow! You're good at this. Flipped me all around like that! No big deal understanding those games. We both know they are “mostly” girls, they just “have a little extra” built in for bonus pervert thrills. Also; replace the guilt of fantasising about getting rough and nasty with a girl with a safe queer-light fantasy of doing rough and nasty stuff with a girly boy who is even more perverted than you are, but still is a “girl”.

“Shit! It feels like your Mada is me. Am I getting dangerously close to understanding some of what women like BL? I don't know if I want to go there! 

...Anyway, as I started to say; the host-club get-up looks good on you all. It has a vibe to it.”

“Yup, that's us, the Host-kei Hatos, dashingly gender-bent, heroic and ready to steal hearts while we protect the multiverse. We do musical numbers too! And if you have any questions or concerns, I'll try to help you with them. Auntie Hato's advice for the lovelorn, at your service! ”

“Urrrr… Thanks but no thanks. I'm getting a new apartment and then going job-hunting. I got out of this harem game without my head ending up in a bag... 

Hato and Sue aren't making up excuses to drop by my place; neither is Keiko. Angela emailed me a couple of cosplay pictures – work-safe outfits and a short 'it was good to see you' message, no steamy stuff. She must have asked Ohno for my email address. I learned a very important lesson about 3D romance from all this. Keep it private! Do not involve your well-meaning friends, club members, random bystanders or 2Chan forums! I think the rule might have to extend to alternate probability girl versions of one very interesting but complicated kouhai too.”

“Fair enough Madarame… sempai. In my situation, I don't have to worry about it, though I will say again that my Madarame is good to have as a friend. Very good to have as a friend. Those Otokonoko games! I blame Kousaka. Hey, If you want to unload about someone else...”

“Not going THERE! 

...Ok, just a bit: I know I got bent out of shape about a fantasy and over my ideas about one very special woman. I'm working through it. I'm just grateful that the entire harem didn't dress up as Ritsuko Kubel Kettenkrad and parade around in front of me later that evening. When Ohno gets an idea that can be used as an excuse for cosplay...” He looked down at his costume.

“Try not to laugh when they finish up with Yajima-san. I'm surprised we haven't heard yelling from the dressing room. My bet is she ends up as Jigen, with big bushy sideburns. Ohno will be Goemon. Sue or Yoshitake have to settle for Jodo because Ohno's long hair will give her the excuse to cross-play and still wave a sword around. That leaves the Palace Guard Chief, the Bishop and the Gardener.”

“A small miracle they talked Ogiue-san into the Clarisse dress.” said Madarame. “I suppose Hato , our Hato, has to be Lupin,.”

“Well, Duh! Happy chasing after Lupin! It will take both your minds off all this. You find boy Hato usually easier to talk with than girl Hato, am I right?”

“Yup… Present company excepted, of course. I wish my version had figured that one out. It was always Hato-chan, once the harem started.”

“He had his reasons, compelling ones. He, or she might tell you about them one day but you both will have to be very, very drunk. Until then, no prying! Nothing of any consequence; All very silly and otaku-ish. My boy versions get bent out of shape wayyyy too easily.”

“My, I mean “our” Hato is going to get through this ok, right? I was worried before and now I'm more worried, for all new reasons. I know it's none of my business but I still worry. We really haven't talked much since Nikko, and… We never really talked that much anyway. Even when Hato was chan and came by with Sue to cook me dinner, it was like we were doing game dialogue. I think I have talked with Hato more tonight - and with more Hatos tonight, than I have since that time we were at Comike together. I miss that. 

I really missed that... 

...I wouldn’t mind if that somehow slipped through to my Hato when you guys did your secret handshake thing.”

Host-Hato sat quiet for a moment.

“Thanks for the kind thought, sempai. That could happen but… Why don't you tell him yourself?”  
 

   
Sue was looking for a Hato. Not her Hato, he was hanging out with the cosplay committee, talking with Tanaka-san who was already in a full 'Evil Count at the Wedding' outfit. Moments earlier they had dragged Madarame over and Ohno and the Maou had dug out a full Zenigata costume for him. No doubt it fit perfectly. 

No idea yet which character they had in mind for her, but she thought she still had some time. Sue didn't want any more of Maou Hato right now, or the butch Host-club Takarazuka Hato gang. Sue wanted an almost-her-Hato Hato, preferably one that was a bit drunk.

She had questions.

 


	2. Many questions plus one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter of the "Hato-verse" AU; the one that made it into Hatozine [http://hatozine.tumblr.com/about] and the one that the first chapter was written as a work-things-out exercise for. 
> 
> Sue corners an alt-Hato.

Sue was looking for a Hato. Not her Hato; he was hanging out with the cosplay committee, talking with Tanaka-san who was already in a full Evil Count at the Wedding outfit. Moments earlier they had dragged Madarame over and Ohno and the Maou had dug out a full Zenigata costume for him. He was in the cosplay room changing, no doubt it would fit, perfectly.

No idea yet which character they had in mind for her, but she thought she still had some time. Sue didn't want any more of Maou Hato right now, or the butch Taka Hato gang. Sue wanted an almost-her-Hato Hato, preferably one that was a bit drunk.

She had questions.

Looking around the room, she spotted three clusters of Hatos drawing and talking. A drawing Hato would be a good bet; that would give her an entry. A group of them might be hard to manage unless she could figure out some way of cutting the one drawing free from the herd. On the other hand, a solitary Hato would be less inclined to draw. The drawings were what Hato exchanged for membership in the group...

She didn't have time for this. Abandon the subtle approach and strike. Wait, what was that? Over near the door, a male Hato holding a sketch book.

Close enough for rock and roll.

Making a point of looking in on other groups of Hatos talking, she worked her way over to him, made some time fishing for two cans of fruity sochu at the end of the food table and then spun around to face him.

“Hato… kun!”

“Sue-san.”

She then pointed at the sketch pad: "HatoMada!"

"No." He shook his head.

"HatoMada!" She did her trademark Sue-poke in the direction of his hand. It had no effect.

"Sorry, No."

"Hato Mada!" This time with a more pronounced poke.

"No HatoMada."

She made a show of pausing and thinking then:

"MadaHato!"

"No."

"MADA HATO!" More poking.

"Sorry Sue-san, no MadaHato, no HatoMada. Mada-san here (he pointed to the floor) I will not embarrass sempai."

"Show me/give! What?" pointing to the sketch book.

" _Shin Jigoku nan des ka_?" replied Hato.

She looked at him. He looked back and in slow English continued:

"I think your Japanese is at least as good as my English. Lets stop fuck-ing around. What do you want Sue-san?"

He held a neutral expression on his face. At least he did not look angry. There was almost a sing-song quality to his English, but at least he had some. His last mockingly bad Japanese phrase was both a rebuke and an invitation to her. Obviously he had picked up some English from his "friends". Letting her masquerade slip was worth being able to talk so she replied, carefully choosing her words.

"Please allow me, let me see your drawings Hato-san. No drawings of Madarame-sensei (?)"

"Madarame-sensei is here. no MadaHato, no HatoMada. Here, today only HatoHato."

"Please can I see them? Your drawings are very good. I like your drawings."

She smiled, trying to keep her impatience from showing. She liked her Hato's drawings and she had nothing against her Hato; in fact she found both male and female variations fascinating, noting to herself that she was probably one of the few people in the Genshiken, if perhaps the only one who realized that Hato's male persona was almost as carefully constructed as the female one. Takes one to know one but again, she was pressed for time. One indeterminate Hato was interesting, even attractive. An endless pile of them, some with nasty surprises up their magic sleeves was something else. Play dumb. Keep it light. Find out more.

He held out the sketch book and she took it. As she opened to the first pages she cursed herself. Of course these were sketches by male-Hato. The backgrounds, the room and tables was elegantly drafted in minimalist strokes. The figures in the foreground looked like Hellsing's Alucard has slaughtered them with pencil and ballpoint pen. And yet they refused to die... She crouched down and sat on the floor, her back to a bookcase. Hato, looking down found he had little choice but to sit down next to her, cross-legged on the floor.

"So-chu?" She offered a can to Hato. He took it and she opened hers, took a sip and began to examine his work closely. The sketches on the pages of the book were fast, incomplete and crowded. Some were attempts at traditional BL embraces from behind; one hulking, howling madness attempting to bite the head off another. Others were attempts at males(?) in modified shonen poses next to each other, looking past, stealing glances. These looked like a BL zombie parade. The best were groups of two or three figures, one sitting at a table the other or others looking over the shoulder. If he ever learned to use ink or paint wash he could do that scary screaming Pope-in-a-cube painting she had once seen at an art gallery.

"You have the same differences in drawing that my world's Hato has. Why do you not use magic to help yourself?" Sue asked.

"I am not a Maou, no magic for me. I draw, I go to my classes, I go to the clubroom. I do very little with the other Hatos. Sometimes I talk with one or another on the phone."

"Do you dress as a girl for the Genshiken?"

"Yes, it is better that way."

"Do you want to be a girl?"

"Do you?"

Hato stared at her and then turned his face away slightly. Sue had started to frown but with effort kept her face as blank as she could. She continued:

"Do you like (suki) Madarame-sensei?"

"Do you? Do you like Madarame-sensei?"

So it was going to be like that. Fine, she would ante up.

"No, maybe, I don't know."

"I am the same."

This was getting her nowhere fast.

"Do you like girls?"

"Girls are nice. Do you like girls?"

"No, I don't know. Your turn."

"Yes, maybe later. Very complicated. Would the club hurt if I liked any of you?"

"Hmmmm." Sue paused.

"Ogiue is your waifu."

"I say that too much. Ogiue is my hero. Ogiue-sensei."

"Mine too. A wall table at Comike. Published! It is good to help her. Do you like boys?"

"No, yes, I don't know, ask me later. Complicated. Do you like boys?"

"No, not really but I like BL. Do you like your world's me?"

"No! Ask me later. You are hard to ignore."

"You too. My Sue-san was exciting, then quiet, She sits in the corner as Heart-under-Blade, then exciting again, Now she is shy all the time."

"Gomenesai. (switching to her poor Japanese) I did too much to my Hato. I made him show me the MadaHato sketches. He stops crossdressing for weeks after. I felt ashamed. Very ashamed. I did too much."

"My Sue did that too. I was embarrassed. Not her fault. (Hato had reverted to Japanese) I needed to stop hiding them from myself. I would draw them without thinking, when I was sketching. They were my secret from myself. I was scared that I was turning to loving men after reading so much BL."

"Are you turning to loving men after reading so much BL?"

"No, I do not think so. I do not look at guys and say to myself, 'He's hot! Nice ass.'  
Even when I am a girl for the club."

"Madarame?"

"I don't know. I don't know."

"You get nervous in the club and you make HatoMada and even HatoBrother. Kaminaga-san scared you. Scared you a lot, before. This is not good. (In English:) That stupid bitch must have really worked you over bad, back in high-school. If I see her again, I will kick her ass. I swear I'll kick her ass all the way to Hokkaido!"

"Please do not, Sue. Many of the other me's think the same thing. I think I was also to blame and young and very foolish. I fell into it myself but at the end I found the Genshiken, so it was worth it. I really like BL, but as fantasy. Fantasy is fantasy.

Part of me wants to pair me up with Madarame-sempai, as if I am controlling me like a puppet. (Hato made a marionette pantomime with the fingers of his hands) Another part of me wants to pair me like a crossdressing boy puppet with Madarame-sempai. I don't think any part of me is stupid enough to think it could pair me as a girl with 'Rame sempai. I am only a girl part-time, as a fujoshi. That sounds crazy but that is how I do it.

I don't know why I joined the Madarame harem by cooking him dinners. He was all alone after he broke his hand but part of me thinks that what I did was stupid because I do not feel like that about real guys, even though I read so much BL. BL is not gay ( _doseiai_ ) it  
is the shadow of gay ( _kage-doseiai_ ) imagined by women. And by me. I now only understand it better by becoming fujoshi. It is a beautiful fantasy. It is only a fantasy. Part of me tells me that if I am interested in Madarame it is a BL fantasy saying: 'I'm not gay, It's only him'. Can that be real? Keiko and Angela-san are real. Part of me does not think it would be good for Madarame to go out with Keiko-san or Angela-san.

I now think it would be good if he went out with you...

...But if you wanted to go out with Madarame-sempai, it would be a lot of work for you. All of me thinks that it would be best, but that is for my Sue to consider and I don't know how it is for you or for her. And my Madarame would be an idiot and still want a girlfriend with big breasts."

Sue was close to biting her tongue but managed to control herself. Throwing red herrings at me, will you boy? Good try.

"A shadow of love is still love. Born in shadows... as they say. Very melodramatic. Madarame is a lolicon. Madarame plays _josou_ games, _otokonoko_ games. No big breasted girls or girl-boys. You should be careful; Madarame may fall in love with flat-chested girl Hato. You don't have to ask your magic friends for help."

She poked towards his chest as she said this.

"Then Madarame would have no problems wanting you either, Sue-san."

Sue's cheeks flushed. That the breast-size red herring blade had two edges - and was also the stupidest mixed metaphor of the night.

"So why did 'Rame fall so hard for Saki-san? Saki-san has a big chest - not as big as Ohno-san, but still big. No, not breasts! Saki-san cosplayed Ritsuko from Unbalance and caught a creep doing upskirt photos while on stage. Kanako-san told me that Mada-san begged  
Tanaka-san and her for pictures of Saki-Ritsuko."

Now Hato was silent. Of course someone else would know of 'Rame-sempai's most secret pictures. He felt foolish. They could have only come from Tanaka-san and Ohno-san. Sue meanwhile had caught the look on Hato's face.

"You knew something about that. Madarame-san still has those pictures, doesn't he?"

Hato said nothing but turned his head away.

"He does! He does and you found them!"

Now Hato looked like he had been caught with his fingers in a candy jar.

"Does he still have the hentai S+M Adult Videos too?"

"No! He threw those out! I think they were just to fool anyone who came over and started snooping through his stuff." Then Hato paused and added: "Like me."

"So Madarame has nothing but lolicon moe and Saki cosplay to keep him happy. Poor Madarame!"

" _Josou_ games, he still plays _otokonoko_  games." Hato blurted this last out. Had he said too much again? No, she already knew...

"Have you played any of them?"

"No, 'Rame sempai offered to lend me one, I did not want to."

"Hmmmm. (Sue went back to English) That might be a good thing. You might have started acting like an _otokonoko_. They do not act like girls or even crossdressing boys. They act like the boys who the gods of Japan sent to wandering monks hundreds of years ago. Better than girls. Then the boys get mysteriously sick and die and turn out to be Bodhisattvas who appeared to teach the monks 'the folly of worldly attraction'."

Sue was showing off her lore. She wondered how much of it Hato had caught.

"I told Madarame-sempai to chose someone else."

"You dumped him before he could even get attracted to you. How complicated!"

"I think he got angry about that."

"Uhhh..." Sue decided to let him have it:

"There is a rumor with our Madarame and our Hato that Madarame was angry enough to push Hato down onto a hotel bed and almost kissed him."

Hato's cheeks were bright red and he was looking at the floor. Sue continued:

"And that was Hato when he was a boy.

... Something like that happened with you too?"

"Nothing happened! 'Rame-sempai tripped and fell on me. Like a rom-com manga. Then he scolded me for flirting with him when I was a girl. I was shocked, but I have talked it over with, with "friends". They all agree and I was just too blind to see it. We have been hurting 'Rame sempai with our fantasies for a year. He had the right to give me a good scare. There was no kiss. We were both tired and drunk. We fell and he took the chance to let me know that he was tired of being played for a fool, a sou-uke. That is how the whole problem started. We all called him a sou-uke at the club for our pairing stories.

...I should have understood, I am a guy too. I should have begged all of you to apologize from the heart to him. Not a weak half-apology, a real one that would have restored his pride as a man."

Hato had stopped.

"... It is the like Ogiue's great sin in high school all over again but it is mine and ours."

"Mada-san got a harem from it."

"He lost his chance with Angela from it. Again, I hurt him. I got in the way."

"You were jealous."

"I told myself at the time I had another reason. And then his second chance with Angela and me and you when she grabbed us all together. Lost again. Angela Strikes Back! Angela-san has a very... original sense of humor. She was not serious about all four of us together, I think. But Madarame-sempai broke his wrist! She just wanted to play with him and go home. Still, it might have been better if she did. Again, Madarame-san lost a chance at happiness because of me."

"She wasn't like that back home. Sports, more sports, cosplay and conventions. I thought one of the rest of you would have asked Kanako-san. Angela is strong, but she is not a carnivorous woman who chews up men and spits them out. And on her second visit, she did not hold off because of you."

"What? Oh, I see.. ( _So-ka..._ )"

Sue was having a hard time with these last words.

"...But she is wrong! I am not interested in Madarame-san. I am living at University in Japan and doing too much already and I do not need a silly school-girl romance to make my life any more complicated. I don't date guys! I am not a Japanese girl who has to go to University to find a husband and dreams of being a housewife for a man who never comes home from work. It has been 50 years since anyone in America could do that. Everyone has to work and cook and clean and march and fight. And we sleep when we are dead."

"Sorry Sue-san. Maybe you should date girls then."

" _Phhttttt!_ Riajuu girls are stupid and boring children like Keiko. Saki-sama is the only one who I have seen act like an adult, except two of my professor-senseis who are angry women who get drunk every weekend. Saki-san is scary, but Kou-san is scary too so they are perfect together. Rotten girls are at least as crazy as I am. They all want to get married and be sou-ukes in bed while they pair their husbands with his friends from work. I hope their butts hurt. Present company excepted, of course, Bleh! I don't get along well with any people at all. I have to work really hard at it. You had a crush on your Kaminaga. Admit it! Would you date her? Today?"

"No. No I wouldn't. I admired her for being fearless and single-minded about her rotten-ness. That was a long time ago. She is too rotten in everything in her life; everything. There is nothing about her that is not rotten. There is nothing left."

"I understand. I am sorry; that must have hurt more than anything she did to you."

They were both silent for a few heartbeats. Sue flipped through the sketch book, looking at the tangles of angry lines and twisted figures. She handed it back to Hato. This had ended in disarray. 'Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes it rains'.

"There is no law that tells us that we have to decide. We do not have to chose if all the choices are bad. Screw them and all their bad choices."

"I feel the same way."

"Then one favor please. Draw a sketch of me. Here, now, sitting next to you with all your horrible guy-Hato sketch power. Make me a monster."

He took out a short pencil stub and a ballpoint pen from his pocket.

"My pleasure. From one monster to another."

He started to stab at the paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. 2 notes:
> 
> January 2016 by Mudakun for Hatozine. Reproduced from the January 2016 online publication of Hatozine, available here: [http://hatozine.tumblr.com/post/136614729817/hatozine-a-genshiken-fanzine-for-hato] with minor typos corrected and one common western crude translation of a genre removed. 
> 
> Please note that none of the other stories and/or illustrations in Hatozine have anything to do with this AU-verse. You should snag your copy NOW and read all of them, they stick to the main Genshiken verse and they are all very good!
> 
> My thanks once again to the editors and other participants in the Hatozine project!
> 
> July 2017


	4. There must be some kind of way out of here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harunobu Madarame and Kenjiro Hato get hammered while they try to sort things out.

_'Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.' — Oscar Wilde_

_  
_

  
"I'm supposed to say 'You finally got me, pops'".

"Imagine that! Now what am I supposed to do with you?" Harunobu Madarame took another swig from the large flat bottle of in-character whiskey and shivered as it hit.

"Hide behind me when -that- Keiko gets loose again?"

"Wouldn't you be hiding behind me? Here: drink."

Madarame-Zenigata pushed the bottle into Lupin-Hato's hand. Hato looked around again at the goings-on in the clubroom, adjusted his positon on the floor next to Mada, loosened his Lupin cosplay tie, leaned back against the wall and took a gulp.

"Waugh! -cough- -cough- " Hato sucked in his breath and tensed up, then relaxed.

"Savage indirect sempai kissu!"

"Save it for your man-rapey dojins."

Hato looked away, embarrassed.

"Oh fugget it, I'll save it for my pervy otokonoko games. How complicated."

"I would have... If Keiko... Stepped in between you and... "

"Forget it! Thanks. Not our Keiko. Looks like she's head magic-girl-you's Keiko. Looks like they have things to work out. ...That girl, she must..."

"Don't sempai. She's one of the two who, this afternoon when I... She's Kami-san's friend... fixer, manager, enforcer, lover; our boss." Hato lowered his voice: "She's very dangerous..."

Madarame took the bottle from Hato and took another, smaller swig from it.

"You are a lot of trouble, Kenjiro Hato!"

"But I'm cute. Admit it!"

"Wut?! Yeah, sure; You're cute - that's why you're a lot of trouble. You drunk already?"

"Not drunk, sempai... Yet. Everything is fine. I get in an accident, get healed by magic, get mind-jumped, get ambushed by a squad of alternate me's -- some of them sex-changed and some of them born-girls and then they take over the clubroom and throw a party to celebrate... Just fine. No need to get excited. Then armageddon shows up and tries to fry my magic double, only it looks like Keiko in a scifi battle suit, and then the second most dangerous person in the whole multiverse is laying down the law on her and magic-me in the cosplay closet, which is probably as big as a luxury hotel suite by now and I'm just fine. How do you like my Lupin costume? That's a very good Zenigata. Thanks for asking."

"Uh, ok. Have another." Mada passed the bottle and continued:

"That version of Keiko was right; I am a fool. Of course I'd be here. Where else could I be?"

"With your Keiko, our Keiko. Or with Sue. Or off to America with Angela-san..."

"Or at home by myself playing ero-games."

"Packing."

"...Yeah, packing..." Mada took his turn with the bottle and passed it back. "We have an audience. Too public again."

"When don't we? I think they'll give us space."

"Too bad Lupin-Hato lacks moe."

"Zenigata-'Rame has a teeny tiny bit, but not enough -- I can girl out if it helps you talk."

"Hide behind her skirts again?"

"I don't have to hide, I can bide my time and ask every other me who've snagged their Madas how they did it. You won't stand a chance."

"Ask the ones who got lucky when they were boys -- You keep repeating the same mistake."

"Mistake? I'd made up my mind, back in Nikko..." Hato stopped and took a drink. "If you were really interested, because I was a guy when you... I had decided I would tell you I would stop running."

"Stop running . Uhuh! So that's how you say it."

"Sempai?"

"Kenjiro Hato: BL has rotted your brain. Is there anything left in there that is not rotted out by BL?"

"Harunobu-san, I..."

"Hey Lupin-Sansei-san! Could you please tell Kenji that he is a big fool? Please?

Hato took another drink, shook himself and recovered.

"Uh, Zenigata-san, could you please tell Harunobu, the great otaku that he is equally, if not more a bigger fool as well."

Hato held out the bottle to Mada who took it.

"Lupin-kun, this is Inspector Zenigata speaking! Please tell Kenji that Harunobu Madarame knows full well how much of a fool HE is, but he doesn't cross-dress like a perfect shoujo heroine and mess with his sempai's head...

...Please tell him that both our lives would have been a lot easier if, like that other Hato earlier, he had just said he was gay and had a big gay crush on me... on Harunobu."

Mada took another hit and stared at Hato, waiting for a reply.

"Zenigata-sensei; please tell your friend that he always wants everything to go HIS way. Please also tell him that he remains a perfect spineless, lazy and dishonest so-uke-hime, so he shouldn't be at all surprised when having it his way drags him into a BL story setup. Tell him also that Kenjiro Hato was overwhelmed with the feelings he was experiencing, was in the middle of trying not to get thrown out of the Genshiken and anyway, never thought 3D guys were hawt, that way, before, until...

... Oh fuck it! Gimme that!"

"Really? ... Hey Lupin-kun; Nobu just told me something funny. Guess what? Even though Hato-chan was cute, Harunobu never was fooled into thinking that Hato-chan was anyone else than Hato Kenjiro, the complicated boy fujoshi. Not nadeshiko-Hato, not even otokonoko-Hato, just Kenjiro Hato. Please tell him that while Harounobu Madarame may act spineless, and may be a fool, but he isn't stupid. He knew what he thought he was getting into. If it wasn't for all the extra trouble, who knows what would have happened?

...Please also tell him that talking to Nadeshiko-Hato-chan is like talking to a brick wall or some BL game NPC. All rotten, all the time, can't do anything."

"What the fuck else could I... I mean she say?!?"

That crossed a line, thought Madarame. He held off for a moment.

"Sorry! Harunobu says that he might have gone too far; please tell Kenjiro that he gets it, some of it. All he is saying is that if, if Harunobu started being interested back, it was towards the entire Hato. That's all. Guess all the layers on layers of BL stuff had something to do with why it was always Nadeshiko-chan who came by to cook for... Harunobu."

"Excellent deduction, Old Man..."

"Oh! Pass that over here, oh great thief." Madarame took his turn and thought for a moment. "You mean I have it right, but as usual I am missing the bigger...

...Oh shit! I'm not making an extra big mistake here and you really do have the 'heart of a girl'?"

"Does Madarame-sempai have the 'heart of an Otaku'?"

"Huh?"

"Heart of a girl... Do you think I haven't been all over the internet trying to understand what is going on with me? BBS's? Online forums? Think I have found anyone else who does this like I do?

...Dammit. I am getting drunk!

...Sure, some of things I... Hato Kenjiro does, look gei and some look crossdresser and some look like cosplay-otokonoko and some look like fu-danshi and some are even close to people who were born boys but their minds are girls - and there are some things that I won't ever... Whatever.

... but in the end all I understand, all I KNOW is that part of me has the heart of a fujoshi. Sempai will be a salaryman. I shall not.

...Anyways, that's what the Hato Keniro has to say, old man."

"That otaku says that he is still weierded out that all those Hatos keep calling him sempai. Touched but it still feels weird. Notice me Sempai la la la! That otaku swore during an official police investigation that he had been doing nothing else but noticing for the last three or four months.

...Just so that your friend, the kid, knows."

"Say, old man, if that was so, your otaku friend could have summoned up just a bit more of his forceful nature, back during the club trip."

"Say, master thief, your friend the kid could have stopped throwing furniture in the way whenever the otaku showed any interest. What was it again? 'I am not the fantasy girl you think I am!' and "I don't have any breasts!" Made someone feel like they were a dodgy otokonoko-chaser, or like they fell into a BL eroge. There are BL eroges, right?

"Your friend gave up too soon, Inspector. He had to live up to his spineless salaryman role. Take his josou-game flirting thrills and run home."

"Your friend was already spoken for. My friend would have stepped between them and their one and only true love."

"Huh?"

"Never underestimate a spineless 3D-phobe's ability to run disaster scenarios, all night long in their booze-filled head. What would have happened to Hato-chan in the club if she suddenly got a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, I... the kid, thought about..."

"Gotcha! Poof goes all the fujoshi-fu, replaced by a crossdressing gay-boy who was killing time with BL and out to seduce his sempai. So who again was hedging their bets? At least ackowledge the gift from a spineless salaryman otaku. You got a two ships passing unrequited romance tour that you can have lunch on for years. Much better than fumbly first-time man-sex - with or without your yaoi kinks."

"Bastard!!!"

"Maybe my friend didn't even consider any of that. Maybe it was all to preserve the harmony of a club that he had been president of. As a bonus, the kid can keep calling him spineless. He'll take the plea bargain."

Madarame extended both hands as if to pantomime a bow, then finished by taking an exaggerated gulp from the bottle. Hato shook his head, even as his face became redder.

"I have no doubts left" Hato finally muttered.

"...My life will be BL. How else could I ever hope to understand the limitless reserves of guy 'it's all about me'? That was breathtaking, sempai.

... 'Very moe too. In a bad way."

"No probs. Hit me up anytime 'need more source material. Here, have another snort."

"Thanks."

"You have it in you too, you know."

"Yeah... 'know. 'can take the fujoshi out of the boy but I can't get..."

"'S Ok. Shit, I get it, some of it. If the women hadn't found a way to make it funny, they would kill us all in our sleep."

"That's a part of it... God's truth!"

"She cried." Madarame suddenly looked serious.

"She cried a little when I finally... and I couldn't even really say it, and she had to do all the work for me and let me down easy. Then she cried just a little bit. All that time; of course she knew! It wasn't romantic. I hadn't hidden it at all. Everyone knew. That sucked. I hated the me who did that. Fujoshi stuff is cleaner. You and the girls never got bent out of shape for rottening out on me. It was just fujoshi make-believe. Not like part of me was curled up in a self-satisfied ball in the back of my skull, shit-happy that she had cried.

...3D is too fucking tainted."

"We know. We use that too."

"You really going to start writing that stuff, aren't you?"

"Anything else is weak, is tourism."

'You'll do fine. You'll be great. I'll have to learn not to freak out on it enough to read yours."

"All I can really do well so far are smut scenes."

"If you draw them, I'll look at them -- but only yours."

"I still draw my fantasies with... Some of the charas look like you."

"Whatever; they can't be much worse than my otokonoko games."

"Oh shit... No! You can't see them. Ever! They're a lot worse. How nasty are your games? You remember my sempai from high school? I stole her drawing style and her tastes, shit... Look around the room, I even dressed to look like her at first. You didn't know that, did you?"

"I heard some of it. You had a crush on her?"

"More complicated: she was the demon lord of BL; a really bad influence on me and I wanted every last crumb of it. All male interaction is avoidance and prelude to violent rapey fucking because guys are emotionally stunted, power and ritual addicted jerks who do sex TO, never with. Love happens when both guys realise that their nasty shit is the only way they can express their feeling for each other. It's pretty overdone; at the far end of the scale."

"Rotten even? Hey! Most porn that goes hardcore ends up like that. Does the job fast. You need to read more straight porn. You get all embarrased about fujo porn; don't forget how creep-shit regular otaku porn is. I threw out those S+M videos; some of them would make you sick."

"I don't go THAT far: they have to be romantic, in their way. There are conventions, tropes. You talk of 3D phobia. I can fantasize about... 'stuff" but doing it for real? To someone I like? Even if I was the uke..."

"Even with fantasy is fantasy and reality is reality?"

"You know how that works out."

"Eh... Trouble is I don't. Neither of us do. Uhhhhh..." Harunobu Madarame took a long drink and lowered his voice:

"Wana know what I thought? Deep down secret? I thought if we "gave it a try" something would have happened. Inevitable, right? I mean we'd both act like we were "going out", so we'd act like it. But most I thought could happen is two drunk guys with no experience fumble with each other, try to make out. Big deal. Nothing fatal, even be something to remember; not much more than... than, well... by yourself. The other thing... no way! I don't care how much magic lotion..."

"Stop, sempai! Maybe I just need to read more of the cuddly light stuff and reprogram my head. Start drawing happy huggy BL. Thank you. That was... either very sweet or very unfair of you. It also sounded like you thought it would be something less than "real" if I was with you, I'll have you know it would have been real for me. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt; a few josou games aren't enough to get comfortable with the idea of going out with a guy but you shouldn't play with someone's feelings unless you are ready to take responsibility. Your harem corrupted you."  
  
"It wasn't supposed to sound dismissive. Sorry. You were going through all the trouble of nadeshiko-chan and you were obviously getting more and more bent out of shape and by the way, so was I - thanks for the Valentines day chocolate."

"I just thought I should, since I was hanging around so much, as a girl."

"Pffttt! And you just lectured me about feelings and taking responsibility! You stopped coming by after the chocolate. What was that all about? Anyways, I thought it would be something to let you know that I wasn't that freaked out or grossed out or anything. You are a lot of trouble, but you were... are undenyably interesting. I'll never meet anyone like you again, ever. And I never thought that you were some ero-game otokonoko that would "ruin me for women" or anything."

Hato was silent for a moment, then held his hand out for the bottle. He took a sip and continued:

"Gotta try making some cuddly light stuff. Only bittersweet; 'That was intense, My heart is overflowing' but still no happily ever after. Wistful. Too bad about the club; they all want hardcore. Shit; 'is unavoidable: if we went out, I'd have to quit the club: everything I drew from then on... Two guys together always means hot fantasies all the time. Harunobu-sempai, now you understand why I had to be a girl when I cooked dinner for you?"

"Would have been hard to be round me if you were a guy? You always had Sue as a chaperone."

"Audience. Sue was an audience."

"Sheesh! Don’t fujoshi realize men can be friends and not want to have sex?!"

"Bwah! -cough- Oh fuck, 'Rame-sempai, that's a classic. You win a fujoshi internets."

"Fine, wonderful. Then tell me: How many male friends do you have? Have you ever had?"

...

"How many?"

Sempai; Fuck Off!

"Wrong answer. You had at least one. Truth."

"Sometimes, Harunobu Madarame I really, really hate you... You know that?"

"Yeah. 'Know."

"You know what we have to do next. Should I, or you want to go first?"

"I'll go first. (here gimme 'booze...) We'll cut our arms, mingle the blood with spirits and drink to our eternal brotherhood... Or I can friend-zone you."

"I friend-zone you first. No blood oath -- too BL."

"Ok, go for it."

"Harunobu Madarame; I hope that we can always be good friends.

"Yes. I too hope that you Kenjiro Hato will always be my friend."

"Yes."

...

"That felt... strange."

"Uh? Yeah. Me too. I feel like something small and important... "

"Gone? Lost? Missing?"

"I never felt that before. Don't take this wrong, but if a girl I ever had feelings for did that to me, I would crawl home and get drunk."

"Saki spared you even that with her tears?"

"Point. Geh! How you feeling? If you look at it through BL goggles I just Saki'd you. I can do some 'Rame creeping-out if you have any torches left over that need drowning." Mada held both his arms out in front of him in pantomime:

'Mwaahh Hahhh Hahh. I have crushed the young fujoshi boy's heart because I am a shambling undead thing. I feed on human braaaaiiins! I will now unload about some anime side-character's sister lust for 40 minutes. Nothing personal. Say, do you have any girly clothes that run to the rubber side, with garter belts? I pick my nose and sniff at it. I renounce bathing!'"

"It's all good Harunobu-sempai; my eyes have been opened. (pass that here... ) You've lost whatever moe you ever had. So sad. Unattractive to all women and now unattractive to guys, even boy fujoshis with odd tastes. If I don't take pity on you and befriend you, you'll go Hikikomori or get into right-wing politics or do something weird. Just six more years and you'll be a wizard. I'll make sure to send you a cake."

"Great! I changed my mind: send one of the girl you's - you're going to be all tangled up in all this alternate-you weirdness from now on anyway..." Madarame paused: "You gonna be all right?"

"Yeah, fine, easy... "

"Fuck that! You not going to go crazy in the head, break some secret rules, change history, destroy time and space, or something?"

"Would you come save me if I did?"

"Oh sure; action hero me. I will shave my head bald, put on my muscle shirt and then run away so fast!"

"And fall and break your wrist again."

"OK, THEN you can come visit me and cook me dinner again."

"Deal! I warn you: I will be a psycho magic girly-boy who just destroyed all time and space, and I'll be super crazy yandere at you. Also all those other me's, their god, her helper and some stupid British oyagi will be all closing in on me. Your apartment will get trashed. I'll make sure that I have big boobies for your last treat before I cut your head off, stuff it in a gym bag, then kill myself."

"Love suicide pact. Nice Boat!!! If you want to go through the trouble, I can't stop you. Wanna be alive long enough to see the big magic battle though. You gotta be striking a pose; one hand out, big-ass magic seal of cold blue fire rotating slowly, half the walls and roof blown away, as you hold them off.

...But you don't need a rack, you never did."

"Bullshit!"

"I told you; boobies aren't a big deal. Why don't you believe me? Sue didn't beleive me either."

"Because Mada is a tit-man, tit-man, titty-titty old smelly tit-man!"

"Fuck that! You were always fine that way. Lolicon, josou games, remember? Gimme that bottle."

"OK, no tits. Wait? You LIEK THAT manga? Creepy! I gotta help set you up with Sue."

"Sue is cute. Maybe Sue might be interested in me. Unless she is interested in you. Blonde. Twintail loli. Tiny budding breasts. You lose. No hard feelings."

"Suzie might be too good for you. What about Keiko?"

"No Way! You can do Keiko!"

"No, you..."

"You saw what her twin did; she's meaner 'an hornets!"

"Why don't we set Kuchiki up with her?"

"Naw... Oh fuck that would work.. They would chew each other up."

"What about Angela?"

"What about Angela? Hmmmmmmm?"

"She keeps flying thousands of miles to see you."

"And then what happens?"

"Oh, right. Original sin. I fucked that one up big time. (need another... Arghh!)"

"So... Next time: You gonna jump in front of me and defend my innocence again, or promote my candidacy for sou-uke-dom? Or con Kuchiki into frog-marching me over to her as a gift? Or go for a repeat of when she grabbed Suzie and you and proposed a harem ending? Or will your subconscious come up with an entirely new comedy routine? Just wunnerin'. I need time to prepare my heart."

"Waugh! I so fucked up. Sempai, I, I..."

"Just curious, is all."

"I'm sorry! I think I've said I'm sorry already but I will be apologising for that for... as long as you want me to."

"Kenji; I hate apologies. They don't solve anything and they make everybody feel like shit all over again. Whatever, water under the road. I am more interested in why. For starters, you know girl-you is surprisinglyly competetive, don't you? She is right up ther with Keiko, at least least when it comes to me. That was a surprise. I suppose thats part of the harem curse..."

"Sempai, tomorrow I am buying a shovel, digging myself a deep hole and crawling into it. Then I will pull the dirt over me."

"Get one of them magic you's to wipe your memory. A hole sounds extreme."

"I don't think they can wipe memories. Maybe paste in a thousand other embarassing fuck-ups to overwrite this one."

"Better not then. I'm not bringing this up because I want to see you squirm, (though I'm finding it kind of fun -- never knew I had THAT in me). Just that it feels wasteful or even dangerous to just put it all down to "whole bunch of weird things happened" and hope they never happens again. Think about your future career as a famous ero-mangaka. You should be able to get something you can use out of this epic mess if you can understand it. Or is that something your group mind will take care of?"

"I don't know... That's what really gets me with this, this circus. I've had one dose of "the update" It gave me hell's own headache and suddenly I kind'of know all these things. Shit, I should tell them all to go away. I'm not sure, but I don't think I'll get everyone's take on everyone's me and you -- unless I go looking for it or become a Maou. And I don't think I'm up for becomming a Maou; they all really, really feel that they are "heart of girl" or they 'are' women. I would become them; they have a joke term for it, Kenji Soup. So yeah... and sorry about what I said earlier about biding my time and using everyone else's experiences to snare you. Wouldn't do that. Anyways; friend-zone.

...Arrrggghhhh! How the ??? do I have any kind of romantic life with all those idiot me's underfoot?"

"Sorry; can't help you with that one. Maybe you got yourself your own harem problem now?"

"Oh Gawd No! I don't think we do that!"

"That would make for one odd BL dojin. Still waiting for a post-mortem on me, you and Angela though. Hmmmmmm?"

"Errrrrr?"

"Hmmmmmmm?"

"Ok, ok. I guess I owe it to you: One: Jealousy. Yes I was jealous. And Angela read me like a 4-koma. I told myself that I was running interference for you because you were carrying a torch for Saki - I found your cosplay picture collection when cleaning, remember? Some alibi. I fooled no one but myself. Jealous jealous jealous. I don't know if I wanted to jump you, or catch your attention or just have you unattached so that I could spin BL fantasies about you. I just knew I didn't want her to win. So I acted like a shoujo character and you got hurt and missed out on a chance for romance.

Two: I sold your fantasy-ass to the girls. I was so embarrased; I felt like a complete idiot after sou-uking you but that turned out to be my ticket to full admission to the fujoshi Genshiken, especially for Ogiue who had done her own public fuck up in high school. Only one who was suspicious was Yajimacci and only later, when I stopped crossdressing before the holidays. Remember at Comiket: "Don't sell your Sempai for BL?" You heard that and then I dragged you over to Angela -- saw how that worked out.

Three: My fantasies. Know what's weird about me? I don't like 3D guys, I like BL. Like you said: 'would have been easier...' Maybe I am gay, but only in some rare BL way? I don't know. I made girl-me to do those fantasies, those 'wants'. Then I found she wants a lot more than to just read them. She wants to hang out with other fujoshi and share, exchange and even draw them. And she couldn't resist the idea of living them, or at least flirting heavily with them. Make no mistake; she'd want to share the experience too. 'Lookie what I got boy-me to do!'. Look what girl me did to hide from that. So, yeah... Sorry especially for not being able to simply tell you that I had... I felt... Some kind of...

...See, I still can't do it."

"Nose hair."

"Ehhhh?"

"I could only tell Saki that I wanted to tell her that she had a nose hair sticking on that day. That was my "I lke you" substitute. She got it and did all the rest of the work. Gehhh! We are hopeless."

"Does any of this make sense to you, sempai?"

"Lot more than you'd think. Unemployed NEET sempai has a lot of time to look stuff up on the internet. We should all stick to that miso soup line. Or that old thing about the moon.  
  
...Anyway, I got the world's best harem story as a rebound. Not too shabby for spineless me. First time I was ever attractive to three girls plus you. I mean, usually I just creep them out... in advance. On purpose."

"Angela might show up this summer for Comike again."

"If she was still interested and I went out with her, I would fall hard for her. Know I would. Then have to get my English good; then I'd follow her to America. Then what?"

"How traditional! You want a salaryman life and and a wife; not great love. And a mortgage in a housing estate in Saitama and little Madas crawling around on the rug."

"Yeah, and YOU want to be the world famous crossdressing rotten girl-boy ero mangaka. Your parents will strangle you. Aren't you supposed to become an economist?"

"Uncle Gyeoul-nim will strangle me - he's paying. All I have to do is learn Korean."

"Ask your posse; maybe they have some and can jam it into your head - why Korean? Wait! I just figured it out! We don't need to do the sex stuff; you just hunt down some of your friends who did, they copy-paste their Mada fun-times into your brain-box, then we've already done it. We're already exes. Good that we can remain civilized about it, old chap!"

"They won't be able to jam their Mada's memories into your head."

"So write me a josou game, oh great ero-sensei. Anyway; did you really, really want to get physical with me, or was it paint by numbers with your BL stories? I was just moping around, available. Plug me into a story-line. Because that's not how you do it."

"Oh, Mada the love expert?"

"You doubt your sempai? You were way cute that night. I would have given you my first kissu. My first toungue-u too, just to freak you out for all that sou-uke-ing me."

"Yeah I get the payback part. Foolish otaku; that's a setup too!"

"Ehhhh?"

"I bait you, you explode and get me back. Win! I was so close to going along with it - we would have really had something to explain to Kuchiki."

"You should see your face right now! I still say you would have freaked out."

"Ehhh?"

"It was way off script: You were "running away" because it didn't go your way. When you are a boy, you are supposed to be on top. Use judo and overpower me with your kouhai lust. Gotcha! Now look at your face! I get to savagely take you when you are a girl or an otokonoko - that's the rules and you, you are very very hung up on rules. I might be wrong about this, I'm no expert but it seems to me if real gay guys want to ... They'd just do it. They don't do a 30 episode costume drama first. That's it."

"Harunobu Madarame explains man-love. This is priceless!"

"I know what I read on 2chan's Ask a Gay Guy threads."

"I'm not gay..." (pause)

(together) "Its only you!" (Bwahhhhh Ha ha)

"Fuck you sempai."

"No, fuck you. I give up; we both could have been gay but we failed miserably. Losers!"

"I have to make it up to you sempai. No, not like that. Gimme bottle! We have to go talk to Sue."

"What?"

"Where is Sue?"

"She's over there. Huh? Holy shit: two of her! Good booze. Huh? Theres only one of you, so..."

"No, you right, that's another one. Must have come in after the riot. Ooops! Something's up."

"Don't stare. Don't bug 'em.""

"I still going to set you up. It'll break my heart but I support you from the sidelines."

"More paint by numbers? More mushy shoujo stuff -- do they do that in BL?"

"Kind of; they don't let many girls in stories but supporter is ok. 'Sides, Sue is rotten as they come; big outlander rotten. I bet she's not just shipping me with you... Probl'y ships me and you at Kuchiki and me as a girl with everyone else, including Ogiue, Ohno and Saki."

"Does Sue draw? Wanna see that!"

"She never let on."

"She's hiding it from us!!! That makes sense. Hiding it! We must see Sue; make her show us her hot steamy drawings. Sue, Sue, show us your porns!"

"Shhhhhssshhhh! She'll hit us. Both of em'll hit us!"

"Stop! Wait. Bad idea: you get all depressed if hers are better'n yours."

"Ehhhh?"

"I say you go inna funk - I hear you got bent outta shape when Yajima-san's comic make everyone laugh and your big first draft go -PLOP-!."

"Fwuck you Mada!"

"So Moe! Lust-crazy young ero mangaka out to corrupt his sempai - suddenly all'is confidence crushed to dust by a stick-figure 4-koma... You gotta date Yajima-san!"

"Stop it!"

"You no like big girls?"

"Yajima issa friend - leave'er outta this!"

"You only go out wif enemies and strangers?"

"Leave'er outta this!"

"Shhhhhhhh! Too loud. Secret!"

"Yes, secret. You drinkin that or just feeling it up?"

"S'right... Here... Anyway: Yajima!"

"If I date inna club, fujoshi spell breaks. Not juss you. Can't date inna club."

"You stuck with Keiko then. Or you fine a hot guy."

"Nooooo Keiko! Guy? No... Doubt that. Not now. You was my big adventure. All over now. Sent to the shy boy-girl monk of BL to remind me fleeting earthly desires cause suffering and get in way of drawing."

"My bad. Hey wait... Do girls uh, even do anything for...?"

"Not so loud! Yeah... Do. Very much. 'Whats weird? Even when I'ma girl, sometimes it hits. Not, not guy physical-like but super warm fuzzies. Like I want... oh never mind."

"Who? Confess! OK, don't... So you also a fujoshi lesbian like, kind-of. They got those?"

"Uh, yup. Not a lot but enough. Complicated."

"What happen if innocent BL girl-monk-you gets jumped inna club?"

"Huh?"

"You can't turn round and pull a 'Rame-sempai: 'Wa wa wa, I can't handle this now.' They really throw your ass out fast. So is obvious: first girl who grabs you girl ass gets you! Right? Q. E. D! That's Merei-san or Yoshitake-san. Sue woulda already by now. They doin rock-paper-scissors for you as we speak. Where are they?"

"They're over there talking rotten with some of me; they been looking over at us."

"Audience again. Have 'nother."

"Yeah, Gimme. Whooo!"

"Holy shit: they doing rock-paper-scissors!"

"Whaaaaaa?"

"Made you look! Maybe you date Yoshitake."

"I don think Rika wants date anyone."

"Date 'er sister then. Double-double cross-dressing fun."

""NO WAY! Sister is a hentai pedobear shotacon! Want me in diapers."

"Kin-keee!"

"YOU date Rika-san; you get sad for what you lost out on; you ask HER to dress like a boy - Shit, I'd draw that so fast!"

"DON'T!"

"Her like a boy. After your ass! Her brain would melt."

"I'm gonna pass out. Call one of your magic friends. Medic! Maou medic. Halp! Sober-up time!"

"Sshhhh! Everyones looking at us."

"Let'em"

"Uh, Medic... medic!"

"..Only leave me a little for a head start. Time for song:

"Aoiiiiiii ka-ze ga imaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

(Hato joins in)

"M M Mmmune no DOA who oo oooo  
Tataite mo oh oho  
Watashi dake wo ohhhhhh  
Ta.....da mitsumete  
Hohoende'ru uuuuuu a na ta...."

A Maou, one of the relief crew stood looking down at them. Smirking, she readied her wand:

"So cute; two idiots. We might'ave put too much mescaline in the whiskey."

"Whoooooooo?"

"I lied. The mescaline is in the ham sandwiches. Or not. Here we go:  
Spirits in ashes of the corrupt bound to me by covenant..."

"Wazzz???"

"I don't need the incantation but it's more fun that way. WAKEE WAKEEEE"

"OOOOOOOOOOH Shit Yeah!"

"Whooo! Ahhh! WOW!"

"Now behave yourselves. Less shouting, promise?"

"Yes Me M'am."

"Yes Magic Hato M'am. We'll be good kids."

As the Maou walked off Madarame whispered:

"You're going to get lots of THAT from now on... Sucker! Like' said, just don't go crazy on me."

"Nawww, that's just my subconscious telling me to behave, is all. Only she comes with a big magic stick."

"That stick do anything?"

"Yeah, you can hit people with it and it hurts like magic."

"Don't say."

"Do say. Awwwwww sempai..."

"What?"

"I'm soooo happy. I can die now."

"Don't, please."

"No, really, (sniff..) thanks for taking me seriously."

"Always! Hey, thanks for... We should have done this sooner. Good to talk. I'm happy too."

"Look what it took to pull it off."

"My friend is gonna be a famous ero-mangaka. How cool is that?  
Hey: your second year soon. You'll get your own kouhai - don't screw up. Plenty left, have another!"

"Still half full? Mahous slipped you a magic bottle... Sucker!"

"Never giving it back."

"Sue's uncle owns a distillery."

"You shitting me?"

"Could happen. World's full of magic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. 4 notes:
> 
> Another chapter for to the Hato-verse Genshiken AU. See the big first'un for details. This is the third I've written but they are finishing off out of sequence. 
> 
> TLDR: slot in the probability bending tricks from Murasaki-iro no Qualia because I like Gaku. (go read it; you can see why anyone who knows of her would be scared spitless of Kami-sama's "friend"). Meanwhile Hato-prime and Mada-prime finally get to clear the air. How much time, space and probability does one have to warp so that these two can sit down and have a booze-fuelled bromance-y heart to heart? At least they didn't smear blue gunk on each other and do a drum circle. I thought it would be fun to use Castle of Cagliostro cosplay to give them Zenigata and Lupin costumes to hide behind. Since they NEEDED to talk, for like a year, I opened the floodgates. Maybe too much? In this AU, sicky-hungover Mada cancelled the temple date-game, begged off any of the candidates and is getting ready to move away.
> 
> Other chapters, including Keiko-mageddon plus more probability-warping interlopers will surface eventually, once I sand down the grim parts and plaster on more fun bits. I only hope the dialogue slips by as workable. If not- have another hit of Zenigata's special old. There; much better! 
> 
> July, 2017


	5. That Never Works...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude with two relief Maou Hato's on sober-up duty.

"That went better than I thought it would." The sober-up spell-weilding Maou was conferring with a counterpart.

"The newbie and his finally best-best friend?"

"Both are flirting... with alchohol poisoning. Neither of them know jack shit about straight whiskey so they haven't figuered the cheat yet. Even so, they are going to hurt tomorrow no matter how many times we sober them up."

"Cosplay detective whiskey! Caramel barrel taste, a touch of iodine, lower the proof and serve warm. Brrrrrrrr! They've vowed true eternal friendship by now, of course..."

"Hmmmph... That works... how often?"

"Our own personal addiction. That Zenigata get-up's sooooo moe. What fools are we."

"We were young and impressionable. Guess we'll keep being so, even with all this."

"On the other hand, sometimes it works out that way too."

"If we aren't so far into our little BL closet that we aren't halfway to... And then, most of the time..."

"Admit it: man-sex fail: It's a great way to end up as best buds.

"Or so we hear..."

"So we hear. Maou soup. At least Sis..." The Maou nodded towards the cosplay closet door: " ...found herself some happiness. Noticed her over there, talking to herself.

"We stay clear. If the soup-mind kicks in, we'll slip up and both of them will freak out.

"Fun being the most experienced virgins on the planet, not."

"Path to madness time?"

"Not yet, nothing personal but if I want to..."

"Got it, same."

"Run the cross-line dating idea by her Nibs again?"

"Does it count if its an alternate buddy boy?"

"She might finally figure out a way it could pass the ethics board."

"Better than going psycho..."

"Oh fuck it all. Long as we're happy and productive, right?"

"Happy.... yeah. Thirsty?"

"Yeah. C'mon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. 5 notes:
> 
> I must be careful or this will end up like Gerrold's "The Man Who Folded Himself" (1973). Having a multiverse full of telepathically linked twins can do strange things to your love life.
> 
> October 2017


	6. Steal Your Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Possible TW: Niven never fully explored the ramifications of asshats going around public parks tasping people as a nasty prank.

"You supposed to be 'Me', or what?"

The Sue who had wandered in after the courtyard disturbance was dressed like a chara from a merc story. Baggy combat pants and boots, black tank top and thin bomber jacket, her hair back in a single thick braid. Thankfully no holstered sidearms. Of course she had made a a bee-line for her local version. Standing before her, she smirked, pulled back her right arm, stuck out her index finger and slowly moved her arm forward towards Suzanna Hopkins.

"Don't push your luck" Sue muttered.

Her doppleganger stopped and straightened out.

"I would make nice-er but as we're no longer on your "line"; you're just as dodgy as I am. At least that's how we usually handle this kind of thing..."

"Yeah, whatever. So you're head magic girl's Suzanna Hopkins?"

"Even after the flames take my body... Yup, that's me."

Sue was silent. She hadn't been thrown by the magic mayhem or even when the lead Maou Hato collapsed into a shaking, sobbing mess after the phone call. The ruckus in the courtyard had been noisy but crazy alt-Keiko had calmed down and robe-girl didn't shoot anyone or turn anyone into a chicken sandwich, so whatever. Little miss Maou-Hato was getting a long-overdue talking to by someone who she might actually listen to. The food and the booze was still free.

'Guess I won't have to kick her ass after all', Sue thought as she took a drink from her can of chuhai.

A mirror-mirror herself was just one more bit of crazy on top of an evening of it. Over on the floor, up against the back wall a very drunk Lupin-Hato and Mada-Zenigatta were having their heart-to-heart over a bottle of Old Overshoes. Most of the "civilian" Hatos were keeping clear in groups near the front part of the room, while the Host-kei and relief Maous were conferring with Ohno, Tanaka and Ogiue. Yoshitake, Merei and Kuchiki were staying clear, off to the side. The VIP guest had commandeered the cosplay closet for a kiss-and-make-up session with a crazed-looking Keiko and a distressed Maou Hato.

'Flames... take my.. WUT ???' ended her racing thoughts.

...

"Your girlfriend zapped me, earlier this afternoon."

"Fuck! Sorry..."

"I told her she was on probabtion after she grovelled a lot. I thought she was being over-familiar..."

"Good she didn't let it slip. It happens sometimes. Not the slip, I mean..."

"She's in the spare room, over there with that Keiko and the tall girl"

"The Director."

"Your people magicked it up as a cosplay changing room."

"That sounds like something she'd come up with for a party"

"So you two are an item... No MadaHato for her."

"Her boy self shows up in a lot of sketches with someone who looks like Rame-sempai, but yeah, we're the only 3D romcom in our club-room.

"Shit, I really don't need this now."

"I could go ask if they have a Spock-with-a-beard costume..."

"No, you're not listening. I said I really don't need this now. Get lost!"

Sue's doppleganger froze, her mouth open, her next quip stillborn. A look of desperate pain washed over her face.

"Sure... sorry. Thanks for your time." She mumbled. Her shoulders slumped and she turned and started towards the food table.

"Hey! Wait!" Sue called after her. "Get me one too!" and she held up her can. The other Sue turned, looked directly at her, silently mouthed the words 'thank you", then picked out two cans of chilled alcoholic fruit drink and slowly walked back.

"That was shitty of me. Cut me some slack, I'm new at... all this."

Her somewhat twin held out a can of chuhai. "I'm glad you were here, I... I'm distracted... didn't think it through." The other Sue looked like she was desperately trying to keep from losing it.

Sue finished her drink and took the new can. "People have to help themselves. One person helping another is impossible; right?

"That sounds familiar..."

"You're not in a good place right now. I didn't notice. If I can't help myself... Another me. I can handle that. You surprised me. Hooked up with magical girl-boy Hato-san. You sure you are me? For a flip of a coin, or some butterfly getting squashed five years ago, I could have ended up..."

"We were already an item. I had extra reason to come to Japan. To the rest of the club, I brought her into the club. Kanoko helped."

"Already? Your magical girl-boy mentioned the high school anime club when he, she was grovelling...

"I jumped the Japanese exchange student."

"Huh?"

"He was cute! I was overcome with lust and acted impulsively."

"the left one has bells on it."

"It was very sweet and innocent at first. We didn't get serious until after the Con... and the cross-play, and when I found out how and why he was so good at it. We were very shy back then. Then it was scheme, scheme, scheme for me to get over here."

"Hrmmmm.... Ogiue is NOT your waifu"

"Ogiue-sensei is my sensei. She was yummy waifu material for a few days until she gave in and made an honest assistant out of me."

"Are we gay?"

"Oh! shit! Forgot how that one used to keep me up at night. We like who we like. Wanna guess how complicated it gets? My girlfriend comes with 'a little extra'; does that make me Nise-rezu? I still get to tease Ogiue-sensei. But I read too much yummy BL. I also read too much yuri. That doesn't answer anything. I don't do the mind-meld either and meeting other me's is rare, so I have no idea what my -- our baseline is. That doesn't help at all does it? Sorry."

"Before you met up with... How... were you then?

"This is a test, right?"

"Everything's a test."

"OK, you asked for it. Manic pixie girl genius Suzanna Hopkins has a deep dark secret and it ain't her taste for nasty slash or usenet yaoi. She is scared shitless of any of "those feelings" because she knows she will fall so deep into them that she will never, never be able to climb out, no matter how stupid or fucked up or maudlin it gets. She is - and remains- a closetted romantic; an incurable mush-addled, wide-eyed little girl who dreams of being a shoujo heroine. She wants to live happily ever after with her soul-mate. And that is the weakest, most embarrassing, most cringe-making thing on the entire planet!

...Kill it with fire! 2D forever!"

"Gehhh!" Sue shivered involuntarily. "Close enough. You pass. Hi me! You still give me the jeebies but if you want to hang out while you wait for your trouble and strife, I'm fine with that."

"We're not... yet. I'll take that as your blessing. Thank you. Fair warning; I'm going to babble; it's much easier in English and I'm just a tiny bit keyed up...

"Same to you. I don't get a lot of chance lately either, besides Kanoko practicing English on me.

"Want some love tips from big sister?"

"NO! Not yet - let me put a few more drinks in me first."

"Short answer; it's great, we like a lot! Anytime you want to jump in the water's fine.

"Not listening..."

"I usually have to take the lead..."

"Wah-wa-waaa..." Sue wobbled her palms over her ears trying to drone out her twin.

"I steal blankets. If -someone- complains, elbow them in the ribs until they go get their own..."

"Cut it out! This is what I get for feeling sorry for myself."

"Get an apartment with two bedrooms. Even super lovey-dovey couples need personal space. We grind our teeth while we sleep. If your girlfriend was once a boy, they will still pester you mornings..."

"Too much information!"

"C'mon, not often I get to do big sister."

"Some of us are confortable with how we approach intimacy, thank you."

"By avoiding any real-life version of it."

"We have our whole lives ahead of us. Why play with fire?!"

"Even if the Kaii telling you love secrets looks like you?!"

"Our Dark Mistress Can't Be This Cute Cries My Subordinate Demon Army, Who All Look Like Me!?"

"I Stole a Chocolate Cake And I Got Sent To a Magical World To Save The Elf-Princess Who Looks Like Me!?"

"I Bought a Manga Called Eromanga-sensei Expecting a Cute Story About a Little Sister And Now The Airport Customs Officers Are Asking Questions And They All Look Like Me!?"

"I Expected To Get A Robot Cat From The Future But I Ended Up Getting A Hikki Pantsu Thief Who Looks Like Me!?"

"All of Hell is After Me Because I Replaced The Demon Lord Who Was a Hot Glasses Girl With a Machine, Broke The Machine And Ran Off With Her To Open a Ramen Stand and Now She's Going To Have a Baby - Will The Child Look Like Me?"

"The Forbidden Grimoire, The One And Only Truth"

"Pwahh! Getting back to why you are in my face - with my face: your girlfriend is in trouble, so you jump in your magic war machine and ride to the rescue?"

"You saw me in Billy?"

"It sure looked like you. What happened to the canopy? Fuck the canopy, what happened to the wings and the back half of the airframe???

"Don't need em. Canopy feels claustrophobic. Wings are for muggles. Billy is holding station on the roof. He's a sweet kid."

"'He' looks like something that should be drifting in space or sitting in the middle of a New York gallery. Nice Haring tribute paint job. What you mean 'He'?"

"Billy is sentient. And who sez it's a tribute?"

"Shit, Haring died like before we were born. Who did Peabody and who got to be Sherman? And where the fuck did you ???"

"Long story. Three-legged wet kitten in a box. I heard him crying. Couldn't stop hearing him. Was harder to get approval from -someone-, than to snatch him. Then we had to hide him and one thing led to another, and..."

"What happened out in the courtyard? I missed the second act after you-know-who collapsed. No; on second thought don't tell me. It's happening again. I'm feeling another wave of overwhelming weird sneaking up on me."

"Right. Sorry... take a few deep breaths; Have a drink. Slow sips."

...

"You sure it was originally your idea to jump your Hato-kun?"

"Yeah; I used to lose sleep on that one too. Do girl X girly-boy do "clueless seme and inviting trickster uke"?"

"Your magical lover likes to go all manipulate-y and gets in over their head... That must never get old.

"Not the first time she got her cute ass handed to her on a plate. What can I do? Your sweetie gets banged up, you grab a first aid kit and a shit-load of ordnance. Anything that can take a chunk out of her is gonna be bad news. Turns out it was just Keiko plus the Director showing up. Dammit! I'm sure this has something to do with her zapping people."

"Yeah... someone could get used to that and try to rip her head open to get her tasp."

"Uh huh, only she doesn't have one, a tasp that is."

"She keeps doing that and she won't have a head for long either. Your Keiko was murder-suicide level pissed at her. Did she zap her a few hundred times or something?

The other Sue paused then resumed in a lower voice.

"Urrr.... Keiko had been getting mean drunk and picking fights -- a lot. Kenji would zap her to keep her from getting violent. To anyone else it just looked like drunk Keiko passed out again. We hadn't seen her in a while."

"She was throwing some nasty serious accusations at your girlfriend, along with 'phobe insults and lightning bolts. We all heard them. Her Iron Man suit has a really good P.A. system"

"It was hard to find you guys. I guessed Kenji and her posse would shift all of you to minimise civilian exposure. I'm surprised Keiko was able to follow."

"She found her, us, fast enough all right. Like it was personal. It sure as hell sounded personal. She wasn't after any of us... civilians and she didn't seem to care too much about the other versions. She was calling your girlfriend out. Swore she'd... a lot of stuff so that your Kenji would never do anything to anyone ever again. Plus all the Hatos are freaks, perverts and... let's say she has strong opinions on the gender thing."

"Director-dono got here before I could. How much of it did you see?"

"The lightning strikes stopped and she was yelling and crying at tall girl. Your, Kenji's boss was first in a white robe outfit and then poof! Civies. I thought I saw a handgun. Not for long. Keiko was screaming, (sorry,) "Stop that pervert freak or let me stop him". Then Keiko's no longer yelling; more talk-talk; then there's an old-style telephone on the table up here ringing and your Maou is taking the call. Must have been your Director on the other end. Then she starts sobbing and collapses. Meanwhile all hell breaks lose in the courtyard and you show up hovering at our window in your magic metal friend and after that I was too busy to watch the rest of it..."

"Urrrrr... Not good... Director-dono had to intervene. She did her telepathic trick too.

"I was close to your Kenji when she went feotal. Two other Maou got to her fast; one whispered to the other: "keep the field up!" all serious-like. Yours had mentioned a 'suppression spell' or something so all the Hato's don't go telepathic?"

The other Sue went pale.

Oh Shit. Shit.... Something she didn't know she did... Once she knew she did, they couldn't let it spread... About Keiko and zap spells. Oh Shit!

Bad?

"Complex magic isn't like a gun or electricity. It needs a relation between people or between people and things or conditions. The relation get stronger every time it's used. You said she zapped you earlier tonight?

"Yeah and I told her that if she ever did it again I would get her back, hard! And I will - You tell her that for me again when you get the chance. Emphasize it, for her please."

"Yes yes, Promise. Sorry. I think there will be a ban on it from now on. Keiko was getting mean drunk, acting out in social situations with the club. She'd do things like pester Mada and when he'd get uncomfortable, she'd start snapping at him and Hato and me... She was doing it on purpose... "

"Sounds like your Keiko's got a monkey on her back. Wonder if she got "tuned" to happy-zap spell bleed-overs? Like hearing taxi dispatches on a radio? It would make sense of some of what she was screaming at us, at your Kenji..."

"Shit, shit, shit! It would also explain why Keiko showed up tonight looking for blood. Why not earlier? She zapped you and set all this off... Shit!"

"Keiko, at least our Keiko isn't my favourite person but that sounds ugly, even if your girlfriend had no idea it was going on." Sue shivered. "Nobody deserves that. Shouldn't you get over there and find out what happened? You might have to stand as a character witness or offer to be her probation officer... or call an ambulance after Keiko beats the crap out of her."

"If Kenji was going to get pulped - or worse, she already would be." The other Sue sounded grim. She continued in a low voice: "With Director-dono involved, she'll live. I gotta stay clear until called. You ever meet the Director, make polite. And don't look too long into her eyes -- what's in there is bad news and it's contagious. Shit! When she calls for me, I'm there. Otherwise I stay the fuck out of her way, even if it is my own true love who's on the carpet...

...Don't ask too much about her. And pray to all the gods you know that next year she and her friend don't pop up, enrolled at your University, knocking on the clubroom door. Her friend is a big Gunpla enthusiast."

"...And her little plastic mechas smash mountains?"

"Right neighborhood, but no, not recently."

"You like that girl, boy, Maou enough to put up with all this shit?"

"Sorry, here I go again: Yes! You should try it. True love that is. It's pure as everything. It's better than moe. Better than naughty doujins. Makes your heart and your body all... uh... yummy weak at once. Even with all her bullshit, she really works hard at it too. I KNOW that she is as bent out of shape on me as I am with her. Makes me put in extra effort in return. Not saying that you should do it our way, just that it can be really, really good."

"I think I need another drink. You?"

"Sure, yeah, thanks"

Sue at the drink table looked back at her double as she picked out two more cans. Her double briefly looked over at her and then went back to staring at the cosplay closet door. 'That's not my long-lost cousin or sister standing there' she thought at herself 'that's another me. I should be feeling more ... something. Maybe better I don't -- wouldn't help anything. Keep calm and keep it light, she's calming down. Is all I can do. This is what all those Hatos have to do every day. Ours too now... ' She walked back and offered a fresh can to her other self.

Her twin took it and leaned up against the wall. Then she took a gulp and glanced once again towards the Cosplay closet door and those milling nearby.

"You are worried sick about your lover. I should be more sympathetic. How bad can it get?"

"Bad enough. The trouble with Keiko, our Keiko has been simmering for a while. Director-dono laid down the law and told us to settle it ourselves, without anyone getting hurt... much. I doubt Director-dono had any idea how complicated things were. Now that she's involved... At least Her Nibs is a world-class fixer. She's also my girlfriend's boss and High Priestess to our local deity. As far as religions go, ours is simple and direct. Don't be a shit, keep out of trouble, pitch in on group efforts and drop everything when the call goes out. Director-dono and her friend don't waste talented people. After tonight's mess you can bet that those two have their eyes on our Keiko."

"Yeah, them were some fireworks she was lobbing at us. How'd she score a sci-fi battle suit?"

"Looks something like that. Police State special. Nasty 'line'. Keiko started by swiping at least one Host-kei charm from Kenji. Guess she got more on nearby probabilities. Resourceful. Figured out how to use 'em to build up an arsenal. Never get a Tokyo Bar Hostess angry with you, they fight dirty."

"I'll keep that in mind. Shit, our Keiko better never get wind of this travelling circus."

"I'm really worried for Kenji. It's going to be bad for the next while. At very least, she'll be scrubbing toilets or something to square things with the Director. And she always wants to be the 'good guy', the hero. Her guilt-load is going to be crushing, especially since Keiko, our Keiko considers her as just some pervert guy who wants to be a..."

The other Sue paused, looked like she was holding back tears:

"...Oh fuck! Fuck it all. My Kenji really has the "heart of a girl". Why did Keiko have to be such a...  
Anyway, thanks for the pronoun service."

"Sure, I told you I've talked with her, right? What I don't get is how the magic circus nonsense has... helped, encouraged, whatever your Kenji into becoming a magical trans-girl -- she's still a fujoshi, right?"

"I think I'm more rotten than she is but yeah and she still wants to be a fujoshi ero-doujin mangaka. She draws better than me by miles. I hear some of the other Kenjis are a lot more obsessive about that though."

"I'm prying here. Stop me if I ask too much, it's because at first my Kenjiro Hato came off like a boy who wanted to be a fujoshi more than 'just' a girl. I still can't figure out if he, and she was using the rotten to manage their gender and sexuality baggage or the other way around. But when yours has the magic added in, she goes hard girl. So is the rotten in our's way? Is it hurting them? Does that make sense?"

"Uh, it gets more complicated; with my Kenji-as-chan, the rotten helps her manage her residual boy-ness. I said she has 'the heart of a girl' but you could use the 'two-souled' thing that used to pop up in some cultures -- only the boy self is now mostly along for the ride. A lot less... 'noisy'. Or you could say that Kenjiro Hato prefers and feels way more comfortable driving the 'girl truck' - but keeps the 'boy truck' in the garage... And then there's the sexuality thing. Both aspects like girls, girl Kenji is far more... how can I put it... Shit, words... Like I have become. Boy Kenji is pretty besotted and clingy too, though. On the other hand, the boy part isn't consuming and helping to draw all that BL as an abstract exercise either. So for my Kenji, I think on balance the BL helps but the magic circus was the kicker. How's that for one-upping us outlanders and our fancy-schmancy ideas of 'gender-queer'?

"what's going to happen when she lets her 'accursed remainder' off leash and it gets the hots for a 3D guy?"

"Urrrrrr. Her, our emotional expectations of male:male love are wayyy off-spec. And then there's the Maou Soup group-mind thing, which means that there's a lot of second hand "did I really do that?" bouncing around in her head. That reminds me; we should be careful around the other Maous. Don't be surprised if they act a bit stiff towards you, because of me... Anyway, if it's just physical I can distract her. You doubt my twisted wiles?"

"Too much information! Too complicated. Anyway, both of you have my best wishes for a long and happy life together."

"Thank you, that was sweet. How's your Kenjiro Hato?"

"A... " Sue considered her words: "...a gender-queer boy who fans out as a female-presenting fujoshi. Wants to be a yaoi ero-dojinshi-mangaka. Celibate virgin. Sexuality and gender expression are directed towards and subordinate to the project of becoming a fujoshi."

"Doing it the hard way then. Your Kenji is going to end up flying solo for a while. Say... Are you???"

"How could I NOT pay attention? But NO!"

""Madarame-sempai???"

"Stop it! Don't do the high school thing. Just so I got it all correctly spelled out: Your Kenji is an out, pre-op... urrr... pre-gender-confirming surgery transwoman who is also a fujoshi magical girl who mostly likes girls... then?"

"The magical girl part is definitely NOT "out". Thanks again for the term service. Don't forget the magical boob boost, Cover story is she is taking hormones. Things are slippery in Japan. Avoid 'Okama' or 'New Half'. She has a good doctor but the asshat laws here say she's a guy until she has the full surgery. Also they are stuck on sterility for transfolk. Fucking Nazi eugenics hold-over. For good news, our version of the Uni has an anti-harrasment policy and the stuco is on board with it. Kenji is out, if discrete on campus. The stuco and admin have even tried to finesse the bathroom problem, somewhat.

Our Hato has a hard time with that around the club building and at conventions. Stupid laws and stupid lawmakers suck all over.

"At least magic tricks plus judo and akido keep her somewhat safe from randos. Less fundie-hate here in Japan; just the right-wingnut "un-natural" and Japanese compulsion to hammer down at nails that stick out - that can be plenty bad enough."

"How does your Director-dono..."

"My god and her friend are a life-pledged pair."

"W00T! That's some beta couple."

"I think they prefer queer Hatos for the Maou corps. It's not that they dislike guys or male-identifying Hatos; they just find them... limited. I don't stick my face in their business. Do our classes, hang out at the club, come home, download from usenet, knit sweaters. Feed the cat. Mix up a batch of natural granola for next week. Help with the latest doujin. Review the business plan for opening a book store in Kamakura after we graduate. We've gone full crunchy stereotype with our little life. Or I have assistant work with Ogiue-sensei..."

"Your Director and her friend are putting together a cross-probability queer Borg collective. What's with that?"

"Again, they don't tell me anything. If Kenji knows, she hasn't blurted it out. Best not to go there..."

"Ok then... How much is Director-chan going to listen to Keiko's side, even after she tried to fry the clubroom and everyone in it, including your girlfriend?"

The other Sue lowered her voice again:

"Director-dono takes pain seriously. Kenji is going to catch shit because she was given responsibility, and magic. She'll be under watch for a while too; you might have heard that some of her sisters have gone 'off' when the job got to them. No 'updates' for a while I'm guessing, or all of it will bounce around Hato-hive-mind-space for days. Better to reach a resolution before uploading...

...I warned her, even if Keiko was being a be-yatch towards our... situation and Kenji being out and queer and trans. As well, the whole Gyaru vs Fujoshi thing sits on top of a pile of 'Oh Lets Pretend Its Not There' Japanese social class bullshit. Her brother got a Uni degree, I don't think Keiko's going to her business college classes any more. She drinks too much what with her job and all. Fallen to the Lower Depths. To her, we look like a bunch of snotty brats wasting our time and parents' money on gay cartoons and DYI porn. To us she came off like a bar-girl trying to snag a university educated salaryman to 'marry up'."

"Urrr, another subject change: you must have heard about how we got to watch Rame-sempai play a lead role in a harem manga."

"Well duh..."

So, with you and Hato-chan, that meant there was only your Keiko and Angela. How did that go? Were you guys getting in Keiko's way? Is your Rame still hung up on Saki? Tell me something good..."

"Madarame is going to end up as a kissless wizard unless we start running group dates with the Manken. Keiko, if you think about it now wasn't really trying and he's petrified of Angela-san - which is just silly. I don't know any fine details about yours but my Angela is a sweet sports girl. Our Mada is a ass."

"My Angela is the same but she really puts on a show for our club. Full convention mode every time she got off the plane at Narita. Say; you noticed something else about Madarame-sempai's spinelessness?"

"Oh, you mean the 'How to order a beer like a real Japanese' trick?"

"Be-eeru Ku desai?"

"Bzzt, wrong! The correct way is: 'What is everybody else drinking?

...Have I noticed that Rame always sticks to expected perfect conforming salaryman behavior? That it might look spineless but it always comes up roses for him in the end? That we might even go out of our way to organise a meet-up for him just because we feel sorry for him - even if he is moving away and going to look for a job? That male privilege is at 8000 for boy university grads on the salaryman track in beautiful Japan?"

"You have such a gentle way of framing it."

"I look at the club slightly differently than you do. Also, a little bird told me that SOME of us end up in a harem manga with Madarame-sempai."

"No, no, no! I was only an honorary member; observer status - Ok, sometimes chaperone. It was hard to resist. My Kenji went into girlier-than-girl mode after winter Comiket. You think I wouldn't snoop? It all wound down without going anywhere after a club trip."

"Hmmphh! And Mr. I'm-carrying-a-torch-for-Cosplay-Saki-san had how many young women, plus one very cute otoko... ur, crossdressing boy vying for his attention? How exciting for him. Nice VIP tour. And he'll still get a corporate position within the next year, I'll bet. Lookie; tonight he's having a soulful bro-talk with boy-version Kenji. Those costumes! Was it my Kenji or Kanoko who came up with that?"

"Kanoko, I think. At least that's the offical story."

"I smell a rat. Tell me at least that your Rame-sempai has stopped slouching."

"Nope; still slouches like a true otaku. The Saki effect had him dressing better for a while but then he quit his job..."

"Ooohh! Too rich! Unemployed otaku hanging around the Uni club he graduated from how many years ago? Two years? He gets harem of three women plus one very cute boy who is girling out for him -- I can imagine what your Kenji could do -- and he gets to enjoy all the attention and finally stroll off into the sunset? I think my first take on this farce was waayyyy too kind."

"Our Kenji wasn't flashing ass and garter belts at him. She was a very demure and poised young woman who cooked Madarame dinners when his wrist was broken."

"Dinners? Dinners! This gets better every minute! You absolutely sure you didn't get sucked into the mass delusion?"

"No way! He may have thought I did. OK, it was interesting that he thought I did and was interested back at me. I told you, I am very particular about how I want to deal with that kind of thing; you must remember how you were, before..."

"Yes yes... point taken. I'll stop. You... You didn't get hurt, did you?"

"Bakka! Lookie who has become a shoujo manga chara who wants to give love advice. I had no idea I had THAT in me. No, wait, a yuri manga heroine, one of the better ones - whatsername's where everyone gets a bruised heart along the way but they talk everything over and it all works out..."

"I think I know who... Nevermind. You have to admit it would be nice if everyone could just talk things out sensibly, with enough consideration and maturity so that no one has to carry a torch, or a grudge around for the next ten years."

"Or throw lightening bolts... Maybe your Mada should find his own girlfriend. A goukon with the Manken? We don't have a lot to do with them - bad blood between them and Ogiue-sensei."

"Kenji and I fixed that for our Genshiken: Ogiue is no longer weird, she's a published pro who was 'passionate' in her younger days. A respected club president; it's her two kouhai who are now the 'odd couple' and we just happen to serve as her talented assistants and run a dojin circle in our own right. The Manken all fall for the Japanese habit of expecting eccentricity from creative types. We have to discretely "perform it" twice a week. At least they don't insist that Ogiue wear a mangaka-sensei beret too. The porny-ness of our stuff is all that keeps their entire membership from defecting to the Genshiken. Plus the cosplay -- that still freaks them out."

"Who's up for your President next year? I'm thinking Merei for ours."

"Yajimacci for sure for us too. Yoshitake would be in over her head and either of us have too much on our plates. Speaking of Merei, your Merei... and not spreading any rumours about how things sometimes play out across other "lines"... Have you noticed a certain freshie girl stealing glances at your Hato lately, more than usual, that is?"

"Oh yes! It's too cute. You don't think? I wonder if she will learn how to knit sweaters and make granola?"

"I may have been laying it on thick about the sweaters and the granola. Still it's hard to get used to fish for breakfast..."

"...Every effing day! Gehhh! I don't mind miso soup and rice though..."

"It's easier when you have someone to fix it for you..."

"You feeling better? It's going to be all right."

"Yeah, thanks for letting me wind down. I thought... I was really keyed up... "

"No probs, that's what your big sister is here for."

"Hey! I'm big sister here!"

"Maybe next time. Need to get closer if you're called in?"

"Better not. They'll leave us be until I'm needed."

"We could go over -there- and harrass those two fools, if you think you have time..."

"I bet everyone else in the room WANTS to but is hanging back. So reserved..."

"I think I could do with a shot of Lupin whiskey."

"Oh yes! We must visit. Grab more drinks"

"Hey... Any of us got a mecha?"

"If you see one, I'll help you steal it. Just ask your big sister."

...

Before either Sue could say another word, every single Kenjiro Hato in the clubroom; boy, girl and in-between let out a loud gasp in unison.

And the door to the Cosplay Closet vanished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. 6 Notes:
> 
> As if this fic wasn't confusing enough with a pile of Kenjiro Hatos running around... 
> 
> Chapter 1 hinted that the lead Maou Hato could be sloppy with her magical powers. Keiko always was "The Adversary" - was it too much to give her another complicated and ethically troublesome grudge? Chapter 3 is still too dire to post, but you can get hints of how Maou Hato fucked up big time. BL has a problem with consent.
> 
> As well, Kio-sensei ruthlessly trivialised women's same-sex desire in his 'verse. 'Spotted' doubles down on this by burlesquing Alt-Sue. Hato-as-chan was always destined to end up as a "virtual lesbian" fujoshi. Suzunna Hopkins remains the enigmatic outlander and as such is irresistable for fic-ery. I always shipped SueHato.
> 
> Excuses, excuses...
> 
> And yeah; I snuck Billy in. Expect some Laumer tribute-ness if I get around to giving him a chapter. He's working through his PTSD, is an avowed pacifist and likes flying, street art and watching bumblebees.
> 
> October, 2017


	7. The Friendly Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maou Hato gets brung out to the woodshed by The Director for having zapped her Keiko Sasahara too many times, thereby precipitating a cross-probability riot. Keiko-san will not be easily mollified. Negotiations are interrupted...
> 
> "Those who aspire to be heroes must drink Brandy."

Maou Kenjiro Hato was sure the room was trying to spin. She also was sure that when it did, she would barf all over the table in front of Keiko Sasahara and the Director.

"I can't do this. If you want to kill me, kill me and get it over with."

"Fuck you, keep drinking. I drink, you drink, she drinks, we all drink. Drinky!" Keiko Sasahara raised her glass and waved it back and forth. The Maou, holding herself up with her left elbow on the table edge looked over at the Director for divine intervention.

"This brandy goes well with soda. Neither of you are anywhere near poisoned yet, so that means it's up to Keiko-san, hmmmm?"

"Right... And I say drink up! This toast is to all the people who don't count and who can be casually fucked over by your magic shit."

"Kill me now. I didn't know. I really, really am sorry."

"Every time hear you say "sorry" I want to punch your face in!"

"If it makes you feel better, do it."

"No... wanna to fight you. Wanna fight you and punch your face in."

"Can't do that, might hurt you."

"You think you so fucking special with your judo. I won't even need Suit-chan to punch your fucking face in... 'specially if She turns off your magic shit..."

"Keiko-san. You have any idea what I am? Gehhh..." Maou Hato downed their drink, leaned forward on the table and locked eyes with their tormentor. Keiko shook her head slightly and emptied her glass. The Director matched them in two sips and placed her empty glass on the table as well.

"Hah! You still think I'm wound up about "that". Fuck you..." She took the bottle of Hennesy, poured two more fingers into her glass and then the other two glasses, then topped them up from the bottle of soda water.

"You got a girl mind or mostly girl mind so your body is yours no matter what it looks like to anyone else. That's your business." She glanced over at the Director, then back at Hato. 

"See? bar-girl is not some ignorant hater! Bar girl goes drinking sometimes after work in the Ni-Chome. Bar girl's complaints 'bout fuckhead-you are personal. Bar-girl should drag you to Lu's one night. Teach you you're not the fucking center of the universe."

"Sorry Keiko-san. My kouhai is still under-age, as am I, officially. At least in Japan. Maybe next year."

The Director took a sip from her tumbler. "In any case," She held up her glass for an instant. "...this was a good idea. Not an extravagant brandy but just what the occasion called for. Quite enjoyable. Once we settle this, I have to invite you over so that you can give me and my wife some tips about properly enjoying a night of social drinking."

Keiko looked at the Director as if that person had suddenly grown twisty youkai horns.

"No I'm serious. For everything I've done, I somehow forgot how to kick back and enjoy drinking with friends. It's the small things that are the hardest.

...For example; both of you are fundamentally good people. If one or the other of you was "evil" or simply harmfully defective in the way that you treated other people, this evening would be a lot easier. My wife could decide to fix your brain. Or I could put a bullet in your head. Or, since she convinced me that I needed to be able to do magic again, I could magically dump you into low orbit. Or I could spend the extra effort and fix it so that the horrible traumatic thing that switched on your sociopathic impulses when you were a child never happened -- although in my experience, one has to have a talent for sociopathy and trauma has very little to do with it... "

"Urrrr... kaichou-sama, want more club soda for your drink?"

"Perhaps later, thank you Keiko-san. The problem is that you are both, fundamentally good people. You have my word on it." 

Hato was staring at her boss with her mouth hanging open; at least as shocked as Keiko.

"However my subordinate was about explain why she wont brawl with you." The Director looked over at Hato.

"Sasahara-san, you know 'bout my alternate me's, yes? The spells you lifted from me, from my counterparts, the suit..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your big magic secret. Your timeline and probability shit. You thought I was passed out dead drunk every time you zapped me."

"you know that I am in touch with those other me's right?"

"Guessed that. So what."

"What you don't know is that if we talk for more than a little, we end up sharing a lot of each other's thoughts."

"Ehhhh?"

"'Been part of a lot of them since I was 5. Before I was six I already knew, I had the experience of killing with my bare hands. Me killing me. I've had hundreds of them all sloshing around in my "me" while I'm sloshing around in them. We are Soup!. What if they take the fight seriously? Ask her, she knows what it is like. She invented it!"

"She gets the dialed-down version of it. We made sure of that. Even then, some of her and him go crazy. That's why I am here drinking with both of you rather than spending a quiet evening at home. We feel somewhat responsible." 

"Huhh?" 

"There was a time when I wouldn't have cared about anyone's troubles, not even my own. There was only one person I cared about and I couldn't do a damn thing for her. No matter how I tried, no matter what I did. In the end she saved me. Now I am trying to be more sociable. We have our reasons why I am putting together a posse. You, the Keiko-san that stumbled into this odd experiment were supposed to be part of the least complicated situation that involved the various yous. My kouhai here has a girlfriend. If you happened to get drawn into a club full of fangirls plus one geek and one NEET, it seemed like you would have been a positive influence on their accomodation with the outside world. 

...At least that is what I told myself when I got the report that someone had blown their cover.

...Your drinks." 

Keiko and then Kenjiro Hato picked up their glasses and drank. Keiko turned towards Hato;

"Are there other me's across all your shit that know about this stuff?"

"Please answer her, Hato-san."

"N.. n... No. None."

"Make sure it stays that way. Fuck that up, I swear somehow I will kill you. You and as many shitloads of you as it takes."

"I will also vouch for this. If larger circumstances suggest an exception, you will have the absolute right to prior consultation and veto over her recruitment." added the Director. 'That's as close to "never" as I can give you."

"I don't like that last part but what can I do?" Keiko took another drink. The others followed.

"Next question: In all those other other us-ses, we still hate each other's guts all the time?"

"I.. I never hated you Keiko-san, You usually hate me at first sight, out of nowhere. I thought you had something against, against people like me. Sorry... It usually first comes out when you think I am in your way with Madarame-sempai but in my club I wasn't even... so I didn't think you'd go off on me and Sue. I can handle your hate but stop dragging Sue into it. Leave her out of this!"

"Your girlfriend was raised by wolves. She, I respect. What you said now is first time I ever heard you say anything sounded real to me. That's another thing about you that bugs me; like most the time there is nothing behind your eyeballs, just big empty full of mirrors."

"Caution, Keiko-san" The Director had resumed her neutral expression. 

"Oh fuck! Not again. Did I just step on another 'everything is harrassment' things? How can I ever..."

"If you use sloppy, loaded words that say that someone doesn't count, we both know where that goes. Vague accusations of inauthenticity have always been levelled at minority individuals. Be careful if you wish to continue down this path."

"Like someone should be careful and avoid zapping the noisy bar-girl because she is an inconvenience that you would rather not deal with?"

"Exactly."

Keiko took a drink from her glass and glared at Hato. Hato followed her lead and took a drink as well.

"No fun to just punch in your stupid face. I can't fight you - unless I use the suit and that wouldn't count. Calling you names is not doing it for me. You casually and repeatedly fucked me over big time and all I'm getting from you is "sorry" and free booze. This stinks!"

"You should humiliate her, lead her around on a leash all night out there." came a girlish voice from above.

"But do it when she is a boy, so that they can hope for their sempai to rescue them." said another, in a lower voice.

Keiko, Maou Hato and the director looked up at two naked girlish Hato-creatures floating above them.

"They finally noticed us..."

Maou Hato was gaping at the apparitions. "I, I... I don't DO you two!" 

"Look! She has BOOBS!"

"Awwwwwww! That's cute... He's kind of pretty.

"Sempai won't be able to take his eyes off her"

The Director meanwhile had reached out her left arm and was muttering under her breath as a pale blue circle of light materialised at her fingertips. The door, where she had been pointing faded into the wall surface.

Keiko craned her head back, looking up at the two naked floating girl-creatures. Then she looked over at Hato: "Friends of yours?" 

"Private meeting; you should leave while you can." The Director held her right hand in front of her and was flexing her fingers.

"We're not going anywhere, are we?" 

"Too much fun here! Someone is feeling conflicted? Yummmy!"

Another magic circle materialised at the tip of the Director's right hand's fingers and expanded as she raised her arm and pointed at the two apparitions. A seal of Solomon made of blue fire grew in size, flew upwards, and passed harmlessly through the two into the ceiling.

"Told you so!"

"Neener neener neener!"

Hato was trying to stand up, steadying herself with both hands on the low table. "I know what you two are but look at me. I don't do you... Either of you. You got the wrong Kenjiro Hato. Go Away!"

"Buddy boy is shitfaced." said the one with the smaller breasts.

"She does feel off" added the larger breasted one. "Still looks like fun."

"It's been a while hasn't it?"

"They thought they were done with us. How rude!"

"Would you two stop floating up there? My neck hurts!" Keiko was unfazed. "And put some clothes on, fer pity sake!"

"Clothes are fun!" 

"We are magic princesses - we should dress the part." 

Mist swirled around the two apparitions as they descended to floor level. Both were now fully clothed in white ruffled Fancy Lolita outfits. Ribboned bonnets. White platform shoes. 

"Hi! We're Monsters from the Id. Aren't you going to offer us drinks?"

"Do we drink?" 

"We should at least go through the motions."

"Is that Keiko Sasahara? I don't recognise the mean young one who threw a spell at us."

"Was that supposed to make us go away? It tickled!"

The Director sat holding her glass and silently watched the two with a neutral expression. She took a sip from her glass and addressed Hato:

"Kenjiro-chan, are those two what I think they are?"

"They look something like you", ventured Keiko.

"I'm gonna die tonight... Yes, they're me, or "of" me; "of" other me's...  
They're some of my me's favorite monsters under the bed. Anxiety closet pets."

"Wrong closet, boy!" snarked the smaller-chested one

"This is boring. BO-RING!" added the other.

"Some of the others are completely neurotic! One step away from a full breakdown. They taste better."

"And there was a whole room of them out there waiting for us; until the mean girl cut us off."

"Should we stay here or go looking for them?"

"I bet Sasahara-san has questions. Ask us anything. We know EVERYTHING about Kenjiro Hato."

"You don't know anything about me! Fuck Right Off!"

The Director looked over at Keiko. "Your call. If you want you can even put suit-chan back on and see if you can fry them, though this room is small and it looks like they won't fry easily. Too much... call it magic sloshing around in one place. The Hatos are going to have to be a lot more careful with their get-togethers from now on. 

...Honestly, this one's new on me."

"My party, my call, my rules, if you two are staying."

Oh! She's Keiko Sasahara alright. Betcha she's pissed off at someone here."

"GO AWAY! ...Please..."

"You gotta drink if you are staying here. What do ghosts drink?"

"We're not ghosts."

"Call us... uhm... manifestations, aberrations, phenomenon."

"Are we Youkai?"

"We could be... Champagne!"

"Oh Yes! Dear Hostess Keiko-san, could we have champagne?"

Keiko glaced over at the Director who nodded her head towards the booze caninet. Keiko maneuvered around the two and checked the built in bar fridge, retrieving a large screwtop wine bottle and two fluted glasses. Acrylic plastic glasses.

"You'll settle for sparkling wine. Hmmmm.. I know this stuff; Sweet, really sweet. You'll love it. Pull up chairs. SIT!"

The two frilly creatures pulled chairs over from the wall and dragged them over to each side of Hato.

"We're sitting with him." The other apparition frowned at the first.

"Stop that, she's a Her. We're family after all, aren't we?"

Hato raised her face out of her hands long enough to grab her glass and take a gulp. "Well, at least this is new. I never thought I'd see either of you, let alone both. This sucks."

Keiko meanwhile had twisted open the sparkling wine bottle and was serving up a tall, fluted acrylic plastic glass full of bubbling plonk to each of the Kaii.

"Got a feeling neither of you two have ever drank before, neh? Take it easy, I got things to discuss with your kin, here."

Like synchronised swimmers, the two picked up their glasses and took dainty sips of their pale, fizzy liquid. Both of them then went wide-eyed and grinned as they set their glasses down."

"Oh this IS fun!"

"Why weren't we able to do this before?"

"Tickles the nose! I like this. Is this "the cheap stuff"?"

"Don't waste expensive booze on newbies. Now drink your drinks nice and slow-like and be quiet for a bit."  
Keiko paused and then glared at Hato sitting in the middle. "So what's with these two? You said you knew 'bout them but they're not yours."

"Keiko-san, did you have an imaginary friend when you were a child?"

"Didn't need one, had a wimpy big brother. These your imaginary friends?"

"What if your imaginary friend started teasing you all the time?"

"I'd say that was really messed up... No, wait..." Keiko paused. "I'd say that you have parts of you fighting with other parts of you. Hey, is this about...?"

"Again, not me but could have been me."

"Your heart-of-a-girl thing?"

"You are not going to believe this, but this is more about what you call 'those stupid gay-boy comics'."

"Holy Shit! Holy fucking shit! You serious?" Keiko was getting excited in an odd way. as if she was just beginning to see the outlines of an elaborate and somewhat nasty joke hit home on someone else. 

"You, I mean your other yous get all wound up about that? Oh wow!"

Keiko shook her head then looked over at the Director, who was staring at Hato and the two guests with a puzzled look on her face. Keiko continued:

"I mean, I asked Lu about those comics and... she just rolled her eyes. One of the girls who drinks there tried to explain them to me; Women get to look at cartoon pretty boys making out and read over-the-top romance porn without getting skeeved out at nekkid lady pictures. She also said that real gay guys think they are tacky and weird. ...Then she grabbed my thigh."

Hato jerked herself up a bit and replied: "Plenty of gay men read BL now. There is a whole movement in the genre to clean up the insulting stuff. Millions of women enjoy it -- millions more all around the world. Don't make fun of it until you've read some of the good ones!"

"So your friends here have something to do with that?"

"Ooooh! She is fast, isn't she!"

"Girl Detectives Club! What insight. Mmmmmm... Keiko-san, can I get more of this yummy..."

"Your arms broken? That bottle slip though your hands?"

"Mphh! We're being polite." said the one Kaii, looking hurt. 

"We know all about drinking rules. Aren't we supposed to wait for you, our senior to pour our refills?" added the other.

"She wants Her to pour us refills." They both turned toward Hato.

'Oh fuck! Why not?" Hato grabbed the bottle and carefully refilled first one, then the other's glass. She then topped off her own tumbler with sparkling wine and lifted it in a toast.

"Kampai!" The two manifestations raised theirs and Keiko and the Director followed. Each took a sip of their drinks. Keiko looked over at Hato frowning. "You deserve that. Must taste vile."

"It's not too bad. I've had worse. Could use some bitters."

 

\------------  
Interlude with cocktails: Kenjiro Hato's Last Stand aka 'A Last Stand" (wet Brandy Martini var.)

Into a whisky tumbler, one large chunk of ice  
add  
1.25 oz brandy  
2 oz sickly sweet sparkling white wine  
3-6 drops Angostura Bitters  
dilute to taste with soda water  
\--------------

"Your girlfriend has been civilizing you I see. So about those comics and your friends here?"

"I'm... I was one of the youngest me's involved in this... group thing."

"We don't recruit that young any more" added the Director. "Unless to prevent something very bad. So far, not."

"I told you that a lot of me's have been sloshing around in my head since I was a kid? That meant that I knew I had concerns with the boy-or-girl issue early on. It also meant that I could draw on a lot of advice and experience on how I could deal with whatever ended up feeling right for me. I know how a born-woman-me thinks and I know how guy me's think, plus the entire range in between. I can taste their thoughs. At first, I didn't even have any idea what the fuss was about. Later I did, but by then I knew more than enough to do what I needed to do -- for me. I was lucky in so many ways. Other me's didn't have that kind of support. Some of them had a much harder time of it, so they would conjure up their own help. Sometimes all the pieces don't fit perfectly. We can be hard on ourselves. I've heard of these two, of course but I never met them, like this."

"She means us" said one of the two.

"I know where THIS is going." added the other.

"The nail that sticks out gets hammered down -- Unless that nail has a near endless supply of its own, bigger hammers. Trick is not to show off with them. People were mostly very understanding and polite about my situation: almost as if I knew in advance if someone was developing a stupid hate-on for something that was none their business anyway. Back in my hometown, at high school we all had a beautiful sempai who some of us looked up to. A shame that too often it turned out that she was a real shithead. We all really liked the way she could draw those "stupid comics". And those comics spoke to something in us. Still do. Trouble is she didn't trust boys who shared her interests. Very... territorial. I didn't have that problem. My version avoided me and I draw better than her anyway. Strangest thing about her was that if boy me put on the right wig, we would look exactly like her. Exactly like these two. I wear my hair shorter now but the resemblance caused all kinds of confusion, especially after she started dating my older brother. 

...Aren't small towns wonderful?"

Keiko had been slouching in her chair as Hato monologued. "You were zapping the fuck out of people back then too?"

"The happy spell is new. it was supposed to be a less violent way of dealing with dangerous situations."

'Geeee Thanks... Not."

"I wasn't the town's magic terror. Once someone caught a bad cold and I even filled in for her at the shrine. That was fun."

One of the Kaii chimed in:

"Hmmph! We like our Hatos better. This one is much too smug."

"They all get boring if they get girlfriends. They give up on their dreams of forcefully taking their geeky sempai..."

"Or being taken by him..."

"But they are not gay, It's only him."

"Ku.. ku.. ku.." Both of the Kaii were making a show of their restrained amusement. That pushed Keiko:

"Both of you are beginning to piss me off even more than she does. The only thing worse than supernatural apparitions are snotty supernatural apparitions. Just what is it you two fools are good for?"

"We highlight the contradictions Comrade!"

"Da Gospodin! Dialectical Sexual Gender Praxis praxis praxis!

"We can't use dirty words in front of her, she won't get it."

"Can it, they intro that crap in high school now."

"But what she doesn't know is that queer folks in China have taken to calling each other "comrade" as an ironic, secret handshake..."

"So it has many layers of deep meaning!"

'Just like us."

"She wouldn't understand. So sad."

"That so?" Keiko grinned in a way that anyone who knew her would find scary. "I suppose you two have sooooo much to teach me. Let me fill your glasses this time."

Keiko reached over and refilled their glasses to the top with bubbly hangover juice.

"Tell me more about those contradictions."

"How much do you know about those beautiful comics? You know that they are made by women, for women, no?"

"So it is natural that someone who likes them, likes them so much that they draw them and even dream of one day drawing them professionally would want to hang out with other girls who like them. Fans. Fan-girls."

So sad, so tragic; the rotten girls did not like the idea of a man being part of their socret world. Men go IN their stories, men don't read them."

"But it should be fine, since our -- what do we call her? Our sister has the heart of a girl."

"That's right, but just to be safe, better dress the part."

"But what if she has some boy-ness left over?"

A sing-song quality was beginning to sneak into the pair's exchange

"Having trouble deciding. Gender binaries are so unfair."

"OOOh! We do sound educated. Binary! Either/or and nothing allowed in between."

"Better choose wisely."

"What do we do with the leftovers?"

"Waste not want not!"

"For pity sakes, stop it! Both of you." Maou Kenjiro Hato had decided to jump in.

"They are, at least in their natural state. delusions, imaginary friends of one version of me at a time. They can't float around and pop into existence for anyone else, like some kind of anime ghost. They just pester one ME. These two must be some kind of composite effect.

"Oooohhhh! She is good."

"I thought she was ignoring us."

"Can it! In any case. lets say a particular me is still having trouble deciding who they are and who they like and what society calls all of it. They are dressing as a girl, more and more. But then they are drawing comics of them -urrrmmmm- someone who looks like boy-them making out with a certain upperclassman. Boy them, because that's what its all about; boys making out! Whatever; they are just nameless line drawing figures. Speculating on which two guys, in other comics, anime, in bands and other real life situations would go well together is what fangirling is. It's a lot of fun."

Keiko rolled her eyes up. "If you are all so wound up on sex and romance, it ain't that hard to find some in real life -- especially if your parents have shelled out to send you to a nice expensive university. But then you might end up disappointed or hurt. That is what grown ups call REAL LIFE!" Keiko drained her glass and slammed it down. "You should try it."

"Uh.. We do, all of us; some it takes longer than others. Why should that make us give up our romantic porn? And since desire is not automatically glued to gender, we also end up with girls a lot, even if a certain sempai can pull on our heartstrings."

"He does go on, doesn't he? Oh, sorry... SHE. But if SHE was sure that she was she, what are WE doing here?"

"Waiting for them to jump sempai."

"No, Sempai has to jump them."

"All this over Watermellon Boy?" Keiko asked.

"We'll help THEM steal him from you. Sorry Sassahara-san. Wantanabe-kun is a big perv."

"We're doing you a favor."

"You never appreciate it."

Keiko took a long drink and looked at the Maou. "You have all this crap going on in your head all the time? If you want your sheep-faced sempai so much, you can have him."

"I don't want him! I have a girlfriend! Do you want him, Sasahara-san? Is that why you kept picking fights at mixers?"

"Both of you lose, Hato-KUN is the only MAN Harunobu Madarame will ever love."

"We'll make sure of THAT!"

Both of the Kaii did their synchronised swimming trick once more with their drinks, ending with them both setting their empty glasses down exactly at the same instant.

"SLOW DOWN! Both of you. You're not used to booze. It's soda water from now on unless you behave." Maou Hato turned as she spoke to one, than the other.

"Ooohh I'm feeling flushed. We'll slow down."

"We'll behave."

"Just to make sure, you're both getting fizzes this time." Maou Hato grabbed the soda water bottle, then the sparkling wine bottle and proceeded to fill each apparition's glass with a half and half mix." Then she continued:

"The point of imaginary friends or Stands or idealised versions of the self is that they are supposed to be conjured up for emotional support. But these two only want to support one thing with my other me's. One of them wants boy me to forcefully take a certain sempai. The other wants that certain sempai to succumb to my inviting submissiveness and attack cute crossdressing boy me. Both seem to be working with our taste for overblown romantic stories involving guys and that most me's have guy bodies. Thankfully, once a "me" is recruited, these two never pop up, at least yet."

"We're still there for you."

"All of you."

The chestier of the two (though it was hard to tell) snapped her fingers. Suddenly she was wearing a pair of plastic joke glasses with a fake nose and brandishing a toy plastic cigar. Affecting a weird accent, she pronounced:

"Therefore we exist as a symptom of Hato, created to ensure their ontological consistancy."

"I don't think that they'll get that one."

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." added the first, removing the glasses.

"Very funny, both of you." The Director said as she leaned forward and topped off her drink. "The problem remains. What am I to do with you two? I can't let you loose in the get-together and you'll have a hard time finding it. I did more than just vanish the door. I am surprised that you are still here; you are 'somewhat' removed from your power source."

"Oh we're just fine."

"Thanks for asking."

"Drinking is fun."

"No snacks though: all this drinking on an empty tummy."

"Do we have stomachs?"

"I have a feeling that if I managed to cut either of you in half you would be cheese all the way through... Hmmm, that was a bit dire. Good call on the food though."

"Why must scary girl be so scary?"

"She's her boss."

"Kaichou." 

"Scary Kaichou."

"If I understand, both of you are an extreme measure to reconcile some of my kouhais' emotional turmoil over their love of niche romance fiction, their sexulaities and their gender expressions."

"So clinical"

"BO-RING!"

"Riiiinnngggg"

The ringing noise from a previously never-noticed hatch in the side wall caught everyone's attention. The Director looked over at Keiko:

"Keiko-san, if you care to do the honors, I ordered pizza."

"Let me do that" Hato managed to stand and wobbled towards the dumbwaiter hatch. Then the Director stood and pointed towards the two apparitions.

"Come with me you two, we're going to powder our noses" The Director led them across the room and through a washroom door. Keiko watched the procession, shook herself slightly and spoke sotto voce towards Hato.

"Was that door there before? You guys with your magic tricks. It gives me the creeps. Here' lemme grab the rest of those." She was over to the hatch in the wall by the time Hato had made it back to the table with a large pizza box, paper plates, plastic cutlery and napkins on top. Keiko followed with two more stacked pizza take-out boxes. Once safely on the table, Hato spoke:

"Won't say it any more but what do you want from me to square this? If you want to punch me in the face over and over and over again in a fair fight, I'll spar with you until you are good enough to hold your own against me. If you want something else, name it, I'll see if I can do it - just don't ask for anything that will involve Suze or civilians."

"What is your boss doing in there with them?" Keiko asked as she took a slice of pizza.

"Probably making sure those two are potty trained. Having bodies is new for them. You think they are a pain, it could get a lot worse."

"Oh fucking great. You didn't whistle them up as a diversion, did you?"

"I swear! And I have no idea at all how to get rid of them or what to do with them. Give them super-hero suits and turn them loose in one of the nastier lines where I didn't live?"

"Make them 4 years younger and send them to high school, with you as their guardian. You'll have a blast on parents day."

"Nooooooooooo... please, god... No." They're not MY insecurities."

"Train them as assistants to draw your pervy comics. Go pro." Keiko chomped on a slice of pizza. "Mmmm! Needed that. Just don't sit there, eat something." 

Maou Hato picked up a slice and started eating. Keiko added:

"I'm thinking about your offer. I want to hear more. Also want to hear more what your boss has to say."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, fuck you very much too." 

The bathrom door opened and the two frilly apparitions walked out followed by the Director. Something about their manner conveyed agitation.

"Scary Kaichou"

"Kaichou is scary but wise!"

"Kaichou is wise and scary!"

Both suddenly turned toward the director and each dropped to one knee. In unison they proclaimed:  
"We pledge all fealty and obedience to Kaichou and her goddess lover! All praise be, to scary-wise Kaichou!"

Keiko, mouth full of pizza went wide-eyed. Hato leaned towards the tableau:

"What DID you DO to them?"

The director shrugged.

"Told them how to pee without messing themselves. Do you think I am some kind of monster?"

Hato and Keiko looked at each other and did a slow, cinematic double take.

"What did you do to them?" This time it was Keiko asking.

"Looks like I'll be responsible for them for a bit," added the Director. They are parts of a number of my kouhai back there and they aren't explicitly malicious, just somewhat limited in their enthusiasms. I can't just throw everything I have at them to obliterate them or ask my wife to erase them; there could be repercussions."

"Betcha got a weak spot for stray kittens too." mumbled Keiko.

"Ur, yes... Fortunately my wife has a way of finding good homes for them... In any case, that just leaves you two. And I've used up my adoption quota for this month, so what will it be?"

"Pizza?" asked Maou Hato.

"I wanna hear more about the other Hato's" added Keiko. "And how getting wound up about gay-boy comics can get you a pair of ghosts."

'We're not ghosts." one of the apparitions exclaimed.

"We are fan-girls" replied the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was harder than most. Maou Hato is not a regular Hato; she has been part of the Director's posse since childhood and is used to weilding power, getting her way and BEING RIGHT ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Her screw-up has seriously shaken her confidence and sense of self. Add that The Director (and who she speaks for) are about the scariest management one could ever work for. Director-dono can, and has been full-blown homicidal world-wrecking psycho on numerous occasions. Then there's her wife...
> 
> The Director is much better now, most of the time...

**Author's Note:**

> Revised series afterword:
> 
> Genshiken Nidaime turns on the story of Hato Kenjiro, the boy who wanted to be a fujoshi. Such a simple premise! Not a fudanshi (rotten brother) but a “rotten girl”. Hato hints at the possibility of many identities, from emergent transwoman to “...so deep into the closet that he's half-way to Narnia”. His creator, Kio Shimoku stubbornly resisted writing him into a neat category, preferring the narrative freedom of adolescent liminality to the easier trick of making the character (say,) a young gay guy who likes over-blown women-authored male:male romantic smut. In setting out to examine how a group of women characters inherit the Genshiken and turn it to the appreciation of woman-authored stories acted out as a shadow of gay male desire, he inadvertently created a story that became a shadow, a gloss on some of the issues that swirl around “queer theory” and fannish desire. The fujoshi of the Genshiken dance with Hato, trying to somehow fit him into their practice; with him (and her) always too willing to over-comply, subvert and expose the cruel contradictions that rest within their interests. Here There be Dragons. No Boys Allowed! 
> 
> What was startling about Nidaime was how the different readings of Hato spread out among fans: from “that annoying tr*p ruined Genshiken” and “Its all fujo shit now” to “Hato is gay” and Mada can't/ will get hurt/ is being cruelly toyed with; to “nail the flag to the mast” and declare MadaHatoMada the OTP to be defended until the waves roll over all; to reading Hato as trans*/ transwoman/ gender-queer and even taking Mada as the wimpy-ass privileged straight dude who gets to enjoy a teeny bit of “tourism” and leaves Hato seduced and abandoned. (cue the vocaloid rendition of “Someone like You”)
> 
> This looks like a job for “multiplying entities without necessity is an act of love” (tm). 
> 
> The alternate-probability story is well-used in manga, games and anime; time to stuff the clubroom to the rafters with Hatos! What's your take on Hato? I can whomp one up for you wholesale! One of my fave multiverse tales; Murasaki-iro no Qualia is just dark enough, with enough heavy firepower waiting in the wings to lend itself to the task of enlarging the clubroom. I never really got into Steins Gate. Besides, the Qualia-verse has yuri in it and the absence of yuri in the Genshiken is the loudest dog that didn't bark that I haven't heard in a long time. And it has Gaku-dono, who is not to be fucked with and might be the only being (save for Yajima Merei) who could scare any magical Hatos enough to keep them in line. She need not descend from the rafters but it is good to have her in reserve in case I keep adding to this mess and it really starts sliding sideways. 
> 
> This is V2.0 of this “chapter”. It was originally a way to thrash out ideas so I could write a short, hopefully more interesting story for Hatozine V1 [http://hatozine.tumblr.com/]. It worked, I got in! I melted. I recall it even now and I melt again. It ain't brilliant, but it goes by fast enough that I hope most readers don't notice the sleight-of-hand. (Or the weird dialogue, or…) It was also very helpful for doing a “deep reading' of the Genshiken so that I could wrap more of my head around it. That worked too. Eventually the last 3 or more overview essays will pop up on my blog. They would remain impossible without this mess but as I wrote in an earlier version of this afterword; a side-effect, a curious old-school US scifi-ish streak of expository bullshit dialogue (“Of course Comrade, we do not have anything close to true Socialism in the Soviet Union, he said sipping his vodka. Our blah blah blah” etc for 15+ pages before the spymaster and the commissar agree the MC must be impeded) came out of the woodwork. A whole bunchas of woodworks! Wheeeeee!
> 
> Thanks to G. Fitzjackie, my beta reader and proof-wizard; I think I have finally incorporated your suggestions. I treasure your help. I then went hog-wild and added one more Mada section and ret-adjusted things to slip around the cannon second day of the Nikko trip. So yuppers: a full AU. 
> 
> Will I do more? Mada and Hato (prime) still need to talk. A good piss-up is in order. Who knows, perhaps in a few years Kio Shimoku will decide to restart the fearsome engines of the Genshiken once more. We can but hope! In the meantime the club that gave so many of us an idealised glimpse of fans enjoying and creating fanfiction deserves to be honored with its own fanfiction. Please jump in!
> 
> Thank you for reading this. Happy New Year.
> 
> Mudakun (late Dec 2016)


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